


My Heart Still Finds You

by Wowcats (orphan_account)



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Aggressive Hawke, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Cullen Fluff, Cullen Has Issues, Cullen Smut, Dom Cullen Rutherford, Dragon Age - Freeform, Dragon Age Inquisition, Drunk Sex, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Jealous Cullen, Kirkwall (Dragon Age), Love, Minor Fenris/Hawke, Momma Hawke, Papa Cullen, Post-Dragon Age II, Pre-Dragon Age: Inquisition, Templars (Dragon Age), There is an actual plot, cullen rutherford - Freeform, possessive Cullen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-22
Updated: 2016-02-20
Packaged: 2018-05-15 12:10:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 20
Words: 74,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5784847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Wowcats
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fenris left Marian Hawke empty and alone. Finally, sick of being depressed  she gets drunk and hooks up with everyone's favorite templar. Marian realizes she loves him when it's too late and she's already pregnant.<br/>When she's called to assist the inquisition by her best friend,  she agrees and brings her son along. Then she finds Cullen there, with an elf called the Herald all over him, and things start to get messy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Forget

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfic. I hope everyone likes it because I enjoyed writing it!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short start. It'll get long. Also, fuck Fenris.

* * *

Marian Hawke was tired, so very tired. Her entire body ached. The battle against slavers had gone well, not one person from her party came out with anything more than scrapes, but weeks of wielding a staff had taken a toll on her body. Her body wasn't the only thing that ached. Her heart ached,it practically screamed in her chest.

Her hands rubbed her eyes as she sighed, trying to recall where she went wrong today. The fight had just finished. Varric was pulling arrows from dead slavers,sliding them back into his quiver. Isabela took her time, carefully wiping blood off her two blades. Fenris was standing to the side, wrapping a wound on his arm. Marian's head screamed at her not to go over to him, but she shook the thought away.

"Let me help," her voice was soft as she took the bundle of cloth from his hands. He had been cold to her ever since their mistake together years before. His voice was always harsh towards her, and most days he would hardly acknowledge her. Everything changed the night she laid with him. She still didn't know where she went wrong, but when she woke that night he was standing there claiming it was all a mistake, leaving moments after. Since then everything was off between them, and everyone could feel the tension.

As soon as her hands took the cloth, Fenris glared. "I don't need your help," he hissed snatching it back. Marian recoiled, and at once was finally sick of all the bullshit he had caused.

"You know what, fuck you, Fenris. I'm so done trying to be nice to you. Fuck you!" She yelled,turning on her heel and stomping back towards Kirkwall, Varric and Isabela in tow.

And that's what had her heart crying tonight. She loved Fenris, she let him take her maidenhood because of that love, and he abandoned her that very night leaving her confused and broken. Ever since he had been different person.

A sigh left her lips. She was sick of being broken, sick of being alone. All she wanted was someone to talk to, someone to comfort her. Quickly, she hopped out of her bed, pulling her robe off. She dressed herself in dark leathers and a cream blouse before sliding into her boots.

It was a warm night in Kirkwall. Then sun was setting and the streets clearing out. She walked aimlessly, not just worrying about where her feet would lead her.

Hours had passed. The moon was high in the sky when she finally stopped walking. She wasn't ready to go home and sleep yet. She was angry and wanted to forget this nagging feeling of emptiness that was consuming her. She knew where she was, she was close to where that dashing blonde templar Cullen was staying. Maybe he could help her forget for the night.


	2. Late Night Disturbance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Getting drunk with Cullen. Things will get interesting next chapter, I promise.

She didn't know what drew her to where she currently stood. There she was, standing outside Cullen's home,fiddling with her fingers. She hadn't though this through. She should have gone to Varric, her best friend, but instead she found herself here.

Maybe it was the small smiles he flashed every time he saw her around Kirkwall. Maybe it was the honey color of his eyes. Despite being a templar, Cullen was always nice to Marian. He didn't fear her or label her a bloodmage based off of the staff slung across her shoulders. He always showed her kindness. Maybe that's why she came here- his sweet demeanor. Or maybe it was the way he looked in his armor, strong and sturdy, mixed with her loneliness that led her here.

Regardless of why, she was here. It took all her courage, but she raised a fist and knocked. It took a moment, and she strongly considered leaving, but the door opened. He stood there, donned in dark leathers but no top. The blonde curls on his head were damp. Marian didn't realize, but she was gaping at him. Her eyes wondered from his puzzled face, down his chest, all the way to his toned stomach. Blush spread across her cheeks as he cleared his throat.

"Miss Hawke," he started, "I'm uh, I'm sorry I wasn't expecting anyone. You do realize it's late, correct?" His eyes studied her, confused as to why she was here at this time.

"Yes, I....I.." Her words were failing her. She didn't know what to say and immediately felt even more embarrassed than she currently was.

"Do you need something? Do you want to come in?"  
Marian nodded, and he stepped aside letting her enter. Her eyes looked around, taking in her surroundings. The front room was small, the whole house seemed small. It was sensible,though, seeing as he wouldn't be staying in Kirkwall forever. Her eyes met his and scarlet covered his cheeks.

"Oh maker, I'm still..." he stuttered, "I'll be right back." She pulled out a chair, sitting at the table in the center of the room. Cullen returned moments later, now wearing a cotton shirt. Her eyes followed as he sat across from her. Confusion was still obvious on his face.

"Did you...did you need something?" He questioned, looking at her. Her eyes instantly left his as she looked down to her lap. What was she supposed to say? Oh, I'm just miserable and thought you could help me forget the jerk that left me? She hardly knew Cullen, and he didn't know her.

"Do you want something to drink?" She looked back and saw him standing, two glasses in one hand,a bottle in the other. "Its whiskey. It's strong, I mean, I'd offer you tea or something else but I.." he paused sighing as he sat down the glasses and bottle. His hand went to the back of his neck, rubbing the tense muscles.

"Thats fine," she replied, smiling at him. "I don't mind whiskey." He nodded and poured the liquor, sliding her glass over to her, before downing his own. Marian took her shot, wincing as it burned the back of her throat. She wasn't a drinker, this was a bad idea. Cullen lifted an eyebrow looking at her.

"Maker, Hawke, I didn't know you drank." He took her glass and refilled it, sliding it back. Marian could feel the second shot as it hit her stomach. She ignored the burning sensation this time as she slid the glass back to him, letting him fill it again.

Now she understood why people liked alcohol. It was strong, but it took the pain away. Three shots in and she could feel Fenris fading away.


	3. Not So Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get...interesting.

"So did you want something, or did you just come to drink my whiskey?" His voiced chimed her back into reality. She had been sitting here, in Cullen's house, drinking in silence. Immediately, she felt foolish.

"Yes, well," she paused, unable to think straight. Maybe this is why she shouldn't drink, she couldn't think. And then the real reason she came here came flooding back. Fenris, stupid Fenris. "Well, you see," she began again, trying to explain what the hell she was thinking when she showed up at his door. His eyes simply watched her, curious and confused. "I'm sorry, this was foolish of me." Quickly she rose from her chair to leave. Her head felt light, foggy, and she stumbled.

"Oh maker!" Before she could actually hit the floor Cullen grabbed her, pulling her up into his arms. "Hawke, are you okay?" Honey colored eyes searched her face. She could feel blush covering her face. This is why she didn't drink, she made a complete fool of herself.

"I'm sorry," she mumbled, pushing away from him, "I'm going to go now." His hand, held her wrist, "I'm not letting you leave when you can hardly stand. Come on, sit back down." He guided her back to her chair, his hand at the small of her back. Instead of walking back to his own seat, he knelt down in front of her.

"Hawke, what's wrong?" His voice was soft and her eyes met his, "I mean, obviously something is wrong. I hardly know you and you're in my house, getting drunk, and not talking to me. Not to mention how you look. Have you even slept?" He stopped and his eyes widened, "Not saying you look bad, you're beautiful really ,you just...oh maker.." he looked away and sighed.

Marian couldn't hold back the small smile that spread to her lips. He called her beautiful. At least the feeling was mutual.

"I was upset and I just wanted to get away from everything. I couldn't think of who to go to, so I..I came here."

"And you drank all my whiskey," he teased, causing her to grin.

"Well, it was good whiskey. Anyways, I'm sorry about all this."

"No, no, it's quite alright. You said you were upset?" How was she supposed to explain this to him. Oh, I'm just depressed the guy who took my virginity and left me is being mean to me? She chewed on her lower lip, thinking of what to say that didn't sound pathetic.

His eyes were distracted by her teeth on her lower lip. He shouldn't have been watching, he shouldn't have enjoyed the sight of it. Marian was beautiful; long dark hair, typically pulled back and away from her face. She was small, short and thin, but her body was toned and lean. Cullen's eyes wandered as soon as he spotted her for the first time. The first thing he thought was that she was beautiful, but then he saw her robes. Of course she was a mage. That didn't keep him from watching her when he could, longing from a distance. He even made sure to speak to her whenever he could.

Now, here she was, inches away from him, chewing on her lower lip. The lip Cullen had dreamt of sucking on, it was almost torturous. It would be so easy, to kiss her right now. To finally feel her lips on his.

"Cullen," his eyes snapped up as soon as she spoke. She was looking at him, she didn't look repulsed so that was good. Quickly, he rose, clearing his throat.

"I'm sorry, that was inappropriate," He started, that's when he felt warmth touch his hand. Marian was standing behind him now, her hand grasping his.

"I never said I didn't like it." Her reply shocked him and he turned around to face her fully. This was his chance. It could be the only chance. They were both drunk, her more than him, but her change in tone and the sudden heat filling the room made him certain she was interested in the same things he was.

His hands caught her face instantly, and his lips crashed to her. It wasn't soft or romantic, it was hard, rough, lustful. Her hands tangled into his golden locks as her lips worked with his. Cullen pulled her tight against his chest, as his tongue slipped past her lips. His hands travelled her body, exploring the curves she had been hiding under her robes. A small groan escaped her lips as his hands found her ass, giving it a squeeze.

Cullen's lips trailed down the side of her jaw. All she could do was moan, pressing her body harder into his. One hand moved to her hips, skimming a long the top of her breaches. He took her pressing into him as an answer and slipped his hands into her pants, past her smalls. His fingers toyed with her, causing her body to shudder against his. His fingers found her clit and rubbed lightly against it. The moans leaving her lips were setting him on edge.

He guided her backwards until the backs of her legs were flush against the table top. His hand ripped from her pants as his lips left hers, and in one swift move brushed the table clean. Cullen's lips crashed back to hers as he moved her up onto the table. Rough hands fumbled with her breaches tugging them down her legs. Fingers slipped passed her smalls and to the heat between her legs.

Marian groaned arching herself up into him and his finger slid inside her. His lips moved to neck sucking roughly, while his fingers toyed with her. He moved slow but deep, pulling moans from her mouth with every small thrust. He could feel his length hard against his leathers. His fingers continued to work her and her moans grew louder. She was almost to her hilt, and he was going to bring her to it. His pace quickened, plunging into her. Her hips rocked with his hand, meeting his thrusts. Her whole body felt on fire, every nerve was alive. She could feel herself tightening, she was close, so close.

"Cullen!" She called out, breathlessly, as she finished. His lips moved back to hers, kissing her roughly. Her hands found his face and held him there,her tongue slipping past his lips. She explored his mouth, taking in his taste. He was sweet, like the honey color of his eyes, but also rough, like the whiskey they drank. Yes, she was drunk, but she didn't know if was from the alcohol or if it was him. Her fingers knotted into his hair taking him in, savoring every moment. His hips ground into hers and she could feel his hard length pressing into her body.

"I want you," she whispered, and he happily obliged. Within seconds he had his bottoms and his smalls off. Cullen positioned himself between her legs and let his lips meet hers again. He eased into her gently and could feel her groan into his lips. Her legs wrapped around his hips and her arms around his neck, taking him in. He moved gently into her, thrusting slowly. Her hips met his with every thrust and she could feel herself coming undone. Her nails scraped his back forcing a groan from his mouth. It didn't take long before her whole body was on fire again. He tightened his grip on her body, speeding up his thrusts. She clung to him, feeling herself reach her peak and let go, crying out his name. His own orgasm breached only thrusts after hers and he held onto her, letting the feeling flow through his body.

After he finished, he opened his eyes to look at her. She was smiling blissfully up at him, hair knotted and tangled, cheeks flushed, and she still looked absolutely beautiful. His lips met hers for a kiss while his thumb stroked her cheek. She kissed him back tenderly and realized she finally didn't feel that empty feeling in the pit of her stomach anymore, and she wasn't sure if that was a good or bad thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A table is kind of a desk. ;)  
> Hope everyone likes it so far! :)


	4. Taken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen and Marian talk about the night before.

Marian groaned as she stretched out her legs. Slowly, her eyes opened. This wasn't the front room from night. This was Cullen's bedroom. When did she get here, how did she get here? The last thing she remembered was Cullen's body melding into hers on top of a table. Blush covered her cheeks as she thought about the previous night. His hands covering her body, exploring her skin. Just the memories were making her hot and she shook them away.

Though, she was in Cullen's bed, he was not there. The room was empty besides for her. She couldn't help but groan. This was starting to remind her of the night she spent with Fenris. Marian pulled the quilt off of her, shivering as the night air bit into her skin. Of course he had left, this was just a stupid mistake. Another groan slipped from her lips as she searched from her leathers. As if things couldn't get worse, they were no where to be found. So, Marian left the room, dressed only in her smalls and her blouse. Fingers ran though her mess of black hair, trying to smooth it out as she made her way down the hall.

She could hear him before she saw him. Heavy footsteps sound from the room behind the wall. She could tell he was pacing. Her teeth found her lower lip, chewing anxiously. The next thing she heard was his voice.

"Maker, what have I done," Cullen sighed, rubbing his neck.  
He had spent the evening with Marian Hawke. He slept with Marian Hawke. Yes, he was drunk at the time, but now that he was sober he had finally grasped what had happened. It wasn't regret, he didn't regret it at all. The whole thing was rough and erotic, he knew now he'd want more. That was where the problem began, he couldn't have more. He was a templar, she an apostate. If anyone found out they would both be in danger, she could even be made tranquil. His head shook the thoughts away, refusing to think of it any longer. When he turned around he saw her.

"Uh..hello," She smiled at him, before looking down. This was awkward. Marian didn't known what to say. She sighed softly looking back up to him. "Should we just talk about last evenings events and move on from it?"

"Right, uh well," Cullen stammered, trying to collect his thoughts . "Well, I'm sure we both realize that wasn't...Uh..the best decision. We hardly know each other, we were both drunk, and you're a mage.."

Immediately her arms crossed her chest and she interrupted him, "I'm a mage? Really that's why this was wrong? You never seemed to have a problem with it before." She snapped, insulted.

"Maker," he groaned, "Hawke, you have to let me finish. I don't have a problem with you as a mage in particular, but I'm a templar."

Her cheeks went scarlet, Cullen hadn't been insulting her at all and she felt foolish. "I'm sorry, I hadn't even considered that." She sighed softly, "I guess you're right, this probably was a mistake." She felt a pain I'm her stomach just at the word and sighed, looking away from him.

"Mistake wasn't the word I was going to use." Cullen crossed the room, making his way to her. His hand went to her chin, gently bringing her to look up him. His eyes locked onto hers and she couldn't bring herself to look away. "It wasn't a mistake, at least not for me. It's just...slightly problematic."

He was close enough that she could smell him, leather and smoke, it was intoxicating. Marian was captivated by him and couldn't bring herself to look away. She always knew he was beautiful, but up close she could really take him in.

"We just can't let anyone find out about this," Cullen's lips brushed against hers and she groaned softly. Marian wanted to kiss him now. "I'm serious, Hawke, no one can know about us. If anyone finds out and harm comes to you, I'd never forgive myself."

"I promise," she whispered in reply, and leaned up, finally taking what she was longing for. Her lips met his and she could feel her heart quicken. His hands moved up to her face, holding her there. His tongue slipped past his lips, dancing along her lower one, and she parted in acceptance. She took him in, savoring his taste, and her hands started to explore his body, before he abruptly pulled away.

"We can't, not now," he pressed one more quick kiss to her lips, "It's nearly dawn, you have to go before anyone wakes and sees you." His hands dropped from her face and she sighed. Marian understood, but she wanted to stay here, she wanted to taste him just a little longer.

"I'll need my pants and boots before I go," she teased, looking up at him. His eyes met hers and a chuckle left his lips.

"Right, they're on the table. Boots are by the door." He grabbed her wrist as she started to move away, pulling her back to him. His hands were on either side of her keeping her in place.

"Hawke, answer something for me," he started, his lips finding her jaw kissing along it. "I've never learned your first name, and I don't want to keep calling you Hawke." His whispers against her skin sent shivers down her spine and she whimpered softly.

"It's Marian." She whimpered, leaning her head back as his lips met her neck.

"Marian," he repeated, "I'll see you soon." And with that he nipped her neck harshly, knowing a mark would remain. It hurt, but felt surprisingly good and Marian groaned in reply. "I want you to show that, do not hide it," she looked up to him, obviously confused, "Show you are taken. I've seen the way people look at you and I will not share." His voice was possessive, and his eyes stayed glued to hers. She could feel her heart racing in her chest as he spoke. "Understood?"

Marian nodded her head in reply, never taking her eyes from his. Cullen grinned and kissed her roughly. His tongue pushed into her mouth as his hands pulled her hips, moving her flush against his chest. Her hands reached for his hair, tangling her fingers. Just when she began to grind her hips into his, he broke the kiss, leaving her hot and bothered up against the door frame.

"Good, here." He tossed her her leathers. "You really do have to leave, as much as I'd like to take you again, there's no time."  
Marian slipped into her pants, before grabbing her boots. "I'll come by tonight."

Cullen nodded as he followed her towards the door. He pulled her to her one last time, kissing her deeply. When he pulled away she was breathless.

"I'll be seeing you," he smiled, pulling the door open. She nodded and returned a small grin, before turning to leave.

It was nearly dawn now, the birds were starting to sing in the sky. Marian quickly made her way though Lowtown, grinning along the way. She was blissful. Honestly, she had no idea what was going on between herb and Cullen, but she had no complaints. The empty feeling she had been carrying around had finally faded and Marian felt free.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They're going to have something going on for a minute before Cullen leaves. Also, Cullen is going to be all hot a possessive and dominate in this.


	5. Taking Care of Business

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hawke takes care of things for Meredith.

By the time Marian arrived home it was early morning. Shops were just starting to open up throughout Hightown. She opened the door to her house, slipping inside quietly, to not disturb Bodahn, Sandal, and Orana. Ever since her mother passed the house was always empty, besides for the three of them. Marian moved to her letter desk, skimming through her unread letters. As always there was nothing from Carver, it had been months since she heard from him. She assumed it was Grey Warden business, but still couldn't keep from worrying about him.

There was only one letter on her desk. It was sealed with red wax, and the templar sigil. Her brows furrowed as she tore it open. What could Knight Commander Meredith want now? Her eyes scanned the letter. Meredith wanted to meet, she needed Hawke's help once again with the never ending feud between templars and the circle mages.

Marian groaned walking to her bedroom. Meredith and Orsino always wanted her help with the brewing war now, and she honestly missed when they preferred her minding her own business. Political was the last word to use describing Marian Hawke. She believed in right and wrong. The way the templars treated the mages was wrong, but at the same time blood magic was also wrong. She didn't want to play peace keeper between the two of them any longer. The sooner she got this over with the better.

Quickly she began to change, removing her casual clothes and putting on her gear. She moved to the bathroom, examining her face in the mirror before wiping it clean with a rag. That's when her eyes caught it, the dark purple bite on her neck. A gasp left her lips. She knew Cullen left a mark but she didn't know it was going to be like this. This was completely obvious, it would be the first thing anyone noticed. Marian groaned, today was not going well so far. Her fingers ran through her knotted hair, pulling it back into a low bun away from her face. She grabbed her staff, tossing it across her shoulders as she left her bedroom. She was making her way downstairs to the door a voice stopped her.

"I made muffins," it was Orana. The young elf smiled warmly up at Marian. " Also, you received a letter yesterday evening while you were out. Did Bodahn tell you?"

"No, I got in not too long ago and saw it, that's why I'm heading out now."

"Would you like to take a muffin with you?"

Hawke couldn't help but laugh, "I really must go, Orana. Save me one, I promise I'll eat it when I get home. I'll see you later." Orana grinned and nodded her head, turning to leave.

Hawke made her way to Lowtown first and headed straight to The Hanged Man. Varric was already awake when she got there.

"Maker Hawke! What's on your neck?" He almost spat tea all over himself when he saw her.

She glared at him, crossing her arms. "Say another word, Varric, and you will regret it."

Varric laughed, grinning at her. "So, you and Broody finally back together?"

"It wasn't Fenris." She snapped in reply, "Now, I'd really like to stop talking about my exploits and tell you about Meredith needing our help with fucking blood mages." She tossed the letter towards him and his eyes scanned it quickly.

"Fucking Maker, Hawke. This is all getting worse. "

"I know, and they want me to clean up the mess. Let's go get this taken care of. Grab Bela. We need Fenris, too." She frowned at his name, she didn't want to bring him, but taking Merrill or Anders into Templar headquarters didn't seem to be the smart decision.

Hawke, Varric and Isabela made their way to Hightown quickly and before they knew it, they were at Fenris' door. Within seconds of knocking he opened it, scowling.

"Hawke," he acknowledged her coldly, "Do you need assistance?"

"We're hunting mages today, your favorite." She replied quickly, frowning at him. When she was turning to leave, his hand grabbed her wrist.

"What is that?" He hissed, pulling her back to face him. His eyes locked on the dark purple bite on her neck. "Who did this?"

"Mind your own business, Fenris." She ripped her wrist of his grasp.

"No, Hawke, who is it from? Who did you lie with?" Anger was flaring in his eyes and the lyrium running through his veins started to glow.

"It's none of your concern!" She hissed, glaring at him. "You have no claim to me. You don't have the right to know anything about what I am doing or who I am with. You made that decision!" Marian didn't realize it, but she was screaming at Fenris. Her voice was completely raised as she finally released her anger towards him. Marian flinched when Varric grabbed her wrist, pulling her away from him.

"Come on, Hawke, let's move on. He's not worth it." She nodded her head, turning to leave. The rest of their walk to the gallows was silent.

By the time they reached Templar Hall it was midday. Hawke and her crew made their way to Meredith's office. When they arrived, Hawke knocked on the door.

"Serrah Hawke. Thank you for coming," Meredith started as soon as she opened the door, "You came quickly. You must take this seriously."

"Yes, Knight Commander, I do take accusing three young mages of blood magic serious," Marian's arms crossed her chest, "Do you have proof of these accusations?"

"I don't need proof, I'm the knight commander! You do realize you're freedom is my doing? You're an apostate, you should be in a circle." Marian could feel her magic prick the tips of her fingers. It would be so easy to just shoot a bolt of ice right through Meredith's evil heart. Her hands balled into fists as she shook the thought away.

"I will help you, but do not be mistaken, Meredith, I am no ally of yours."

Meredith scowled as she shoved a paper towards Marian. "All the information you'll need is here."

"As always, Knight Commander, I wish I could say it was a pleasure." Hawke smirked and turned on her heel strolling out of the room, Varric and Isabela laughing behind her.

Emile de Launcet was the first rogue mage they checked out. After talking to his parents, they found him in The Hanged Man. He was desperately trying to sleep with a pretty young bar girl, and Marian took pity on him, knowing he likely wouldn't be doing it again for a long time. She, Varric and Isabela drank ale while they waited for Emile to finish, Fenris stood in a corner, glaring.

"Kitten, who are you seeing?" Isabela teased, pointing to the dark mark on Marian's neck.

"No, Bela! She won't tell you!" Varric joked and grin spreading across his face.

"Maker, you guys!" Marian groaned, "Why is everyone so interested in who I'm seeing all of the sudden?"

"Well, It's obviously not Fenris," Isabela started, "It's unfortunately not me, It's not Varric, definitely not Anders or Merrill, so who is it?"

"Is it Aveline?" Varric interrupted, causing himself and Isabela to break out into laughter.

"Oh fuck both of you." Marian replied, "Look, Emile is coming. Lets go."

"Wow, he didn't take long, did he?" Bela whispered as she slipped past.

Marian rolled her eyes as she walked over to Emile. She didn't even have to try to convince Emile to go back to the circle, he was willing and turned himself into the templars to be returned. Then they were onto the next mage. 

In Darktown they found two boys. They were dirty and their clothes were tattered. When Hawke asked them about Evelina they explained she was a mother of sorts to them. She took care of them.They explained how when they went to circle the templars imprisoned Evelina and didn't help them. When Evelina and other mages got the chance they escaped, destroying their phylacteries in the process. Everything after that was for survival. Marian sighed and shook her head. The templars were pushing the mages to this point. They were practically tortured at the circle. As the boys told her where Evelina was hiding she slipped them some gold for food. 

The group made their way to the sewer and Isabela grunted in disgust.

"Why do we always go into bloody sewers, Hawke?" She whined before hoping down into the sewer. Varric followed after Isabela. When Hawke turned to Fenris to tell him to go, he refused to look at her.

"You're a child." She hissed, hoping down after Bela and Varric.  
It didn't take long before they found Evelina. Hawke could tell before everyone else. She could smell the sweet scent of the fade in the air and knew they were close to the rogue mage. Evelina had herself guarded by a small group of shades. Marian put her hand on her staff ready to pull it free if she needed to.

"Evelina," she started, her voice soft, "Get rid of these shades, we don't want to hurt you. We're here to help."

"NO!" She screamed in reply, her voice ungodly deep, "You'll take me back there! I won't be able to protect my boys!" Evelina screamed as she turned. No longer was a mage standing before them, an abomination was. Evelina was possessed with a demon. That's when the attack started.

The shades rushed the group and Marian conjured a barrier around the four of them. Varric tossed out smoke bomb, while Isabela disappeared into it's clouds. Marian swang her staff, shooting a wall of ice at a group of shades, freezing them solid. Fenris in turn shattered the frozen bodies with his sword. Isabela popped out of the shadows as she found her target, stabbing a shade in the back with her twin blades.

Hawke settled into the flow of battle. It was like a dance, she dodged blows, counter attacking with ice, freezing her target solid before sending a bolt of electricity from her staff, exploding their bodies. Soon enough all the shades had been slain and the four of them focused on the demon in front of them. 

Marian shot a bolt of electricity directly at the abomination, drawing its attention towards her, while Bela moved behind the monster. Fenris rushed at it, drawing his sword down over him. He slashed the abomination's side causing it to wail. Isabela leaped jumping onto its back, gripping in with her blades. Hawke shot a bolt of ice at it freezing it in place, while Varric shot an arrow directly into its chest and the beast fell. 

"Everyone okay? Anyone need healing?" Marian asked, looking around at them.

"A few scraped knees, nothing new." Isabela replied with a wink, wiping her dress off. 

"This is why mages must be controlled!" Fenris' voice caught everyone off guard. "This is why the templars must control the mages! They are weak and turn into this!"

"Not all mages are weak!" Marian screamed back at him, "And, if you didn't notice, the templars pushed her too this!"

"You really believe she didn't turn to this on her own? Are you that blind, Hawke?"

"You don't know anything about being a mage, Fenris!" She could feel the electricity playing on her fingertips.

"I don't know about being a mage, Hawke, but I know how it is to be tortured by them!" He hissed and turned, heading towards the exit of the sewer.

Marian sighed and pushed loose hairs away from her face. She slipped her staff back over her shoulders and turned to Varric and Isabela.

"Come on, we have one more left."

By the time they reached Lowtown alienage. It was almost evening. Hawke found Huon's wife Nyssa closing up a clothing stand. When Marian explained they wanted to help Huon, Nyssa seemed relieved, only wanting the best for her husband. She explained that Huon would be coming, he was supposed to meet her as soon as night fell. Hawke nodded and the group waited behind a near by building, waiting for nightfall.

Huon arrived only minutes after the moon rose in the sky. He moved to Nyssa, not noticing the hidden party watching him. Hawke watched him closely, she could see his lips moving, but couldn't make out the words. It wasn't until Nyssa screamed she knew she was too late.

Hawke flew from behind the building, shooting ice and electricity wildly at the elf in front of her. 

"You killed her!" She wailed, "You killed your fucking wife!"

Huon countered, sending a blood red bolt at Marian. She tried to throw up a barrier, but was too slow and took the strike to her side. The first thing she felt was the burning sensation then her stomach went nauseous.

"Fuck you," she hissed, pulling all her mana forward. Her magic shot Huon directly in the chest, knocking him backwards. She didn't stop to see if he was moving, instead she shot healing spells into her side, trying to calm the searing pain.

"Holy maker, Hawke." She heard Varric's voice and looked to him. He was standing over Huon's body. "You literally blew out his heart. It's fucking gone."

Hawke's eyes went wide as she ran over to Huon's body. Indeed, his heart was gone. A hole went clean through his chest right where his heart would be. 

"Right, well, remind me to stay on your good side." Isabella teased, glancing at the corpse. "Aye, where'd Fenris go?" Hawke turned her head and sure enough Fenris was gone.

"I'm going to Meredith. You guys can go home." Hawke brushed them off, quickly leaving. 

She could feel the tears stinging in her eyes. Nyssa had died and it was her fault. Just like Bethany and her mother. All of those deaths laid on her shoulders. She said she'd protect Nyssa and now she was dead, a victim of her own husband's blood magic. She forced the tears away, as she rushed into Templar Hall. She didn't bother knocking as she entered Meredith's office. 

"The mages have been taken care of." Marian hissed, refusing to make eye contact.

"Good, how fared my suspicions? I can tell from your armor there was battle." 

"One returned to the circle. The other turned into an abomination. And the last..he.." She paused feeling the tears in her eyes. She forced them back again, pulling anger up instead. "The third I killed, after he gutted his wife." 

Meredith cocked an eyebrow, "I told you it was blood magic. Blood magic and corruption, exactly why you all must be guarded."

"You pushed them to this!" Marian screamed, "You caused this! They were trying to defend themselves from your bloody templars and turned to this!" Her magic sparked in her fingers and she turned on her heel, stopping out of the room, not willing to hear another word.

Her head swam, her body ached, even her side was starting to hurt again. It was night now and she started her way to Lowtown, to the only person she wanted to see tonight. Cullen would help, Cullen would understand. He'd take her into his arms and kiss her and she'd forget all her problems for one more night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No Cullen this chapter.:'( He'll be back in the next one!


	6. Back to Your Arms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen and Marian see each other again. Talking happens, emotions happen, then a bath happens.

To say Cullen’s day had been boring would be an understatement. A sigh left his lips as he rubbed his eyes. He had spent all day watching the new recruits. Typically, Knight Commander had him out hunting down blood mages, but today he was stuck watching helpless trainees slash away at each other with dull swords. He was terribly bored and found himself thinking back to the night before. His thoughts had been pulling back to her all morning. Beautiful, intoxicating, Marian. Her face, her hair, how she smelled, the way she moved against him. He had to shake the thoughts away countless times throughout the day.

Cullen groaned as he rose from his chair. He had been home for hours and now found himself waiting, waiting for a knock at the door, waiting for her. He had a bath drawn but found himself waiting for her, worried he wouldn’t hear her knock if he was in the wash. He wanted to see her tonight; he needed to see her tonight. Marian had some effect on him, he didn’t know what, but right now he found himself longing for her. He wanted to take her into his arms and take in her scent; he wanted to feel her lips again.

Suddenly, his head was throbbing. Lyrium was what he went towards, knowing it would sooth the stress in his neck and cure his head. His hands pulled a leather bound book free from the bookshelf. He opened the cover, revealing the hidden inside. Blue vials filled the empty space and his fingers ran over the glass. He sighed, grabbing a bottle and pulling the cork stopper out. His lips tingled as soon as the liquid poison hit them. He downed the bottle, sighing in relief as he felt it course through his veins.

Truly, Cullen hated lyrium. He hated the power the blue liquid held over him. He hated that he needed it, that he needed to feel its power coursing through his veins. He despised lyrium, but knew for as long as he wanted to stay a templar he would stay under its power.

A knock on the door caught his attention and he made his way towards it. When he saw Marian standing there in front of him he couldn’t contain a gasp. Her hair was pulled back and she was dressed in her armor, but she was disheveled. Loose strands of hair hung around her face which was speckled with blood. Her armor was covered in the same dried red liquid, nearly brown now. Her eyes were focused on the floor, unmoving.

“Maker!” He pulled Marian inside, his eyes scanning her thoroughly up and down, “Are you alright?”

Marian could feel the tears stinging her eyes. She tried blinking them away, but failed and they spilled over running down her cheeks. She couldn’t bring herself to words, her head was swimming. Next thing she knew she was throwing herself into Cullen’s arms, burying her face into his chest.

Cullen’s arms tangled around her and he buried his face in her hair, letting her sob into his chest. He pressed a kiss into her hair as he took in her scent. She smelled woodsy, like elfroot and other herbs he knew she gathered before mixing potions. His nose picked up the strong scent of magic and blood as well and he pulled her closer to him.

“Shh, Marian,” He whispered, rubbing circles into her shoulder with his thumbs, “It’s okay. Calm down. Tell me what happened.”

“I just had a bad day.” She replied, turning her red face up to look at him.

“That’s obvious. What happened?”

“Meredith happened. She made me go hunt down apparent ‘blood mages’ today,” she yelled, “One of them turned into a fucking abomination! She was imprisoned at the fucking circle and she was just trying to take care of her family. She went and got herself possessed! Only one was a blood mage and he killed his fucking wife in front of me! It was my fault! I told her I was there to help her and I let him fucking kill her!” Tears were flowing freely down her face as she screamed. “It’s my fault. She’s dead and it’s my fault. Just like Bethany and just like my mother.” A sob tore through her body and she buried her face in her hands.

Cullen pulled her back to him, snaking his arms around her once more. He knew about her mother. A crazed blood mage had kidnapped her along with multiple other women and killed them all only to perform some crazy spell on their corpses.

“None of this is your fault,” He held her in his arms, stroking her back as she sobbed. “Marian, look at me,” his fingers found her chin pulling her tear stained face to look at his. “You didn’t cause any of this. You tried to help and things went wrong. You. Are. Not. Responsible.” His thumb brushed a tear off her cheek, “No one is responsible except for the mages who caused this.”

Marian could feel anger bubble in her stomach from his final sentence. “Only the mages are responsible?” she hissed, “Fucking Meredith is responsible! She has mages tortured in the circle. She pushes them to this! It’s her fault, her and her fucking templars.”

Cullen flinched at her words, taking a step back. “You do remember I’m a one of those templars? Look, I agree Meredith is not right to be Knight Commander, she’s not even fit to be a templar, but she doesn’t force their hand into killing other people.”

“I didn’t mean you, Cullen. I know you don’t torture mages, but this is Meredith’s fault. She’s too harsh on the circle. Orsino won’t allow her to continue controlling them like this. She’s going to start a fucking war with the circle.” Marian sighed, “And I’m going to be pulled into it.”

Cullen shook his head, “You shouldn’t think like that. There’s not going to be a war, Marian. Eventually someone will give in.”

Marian scoffed, “You really feel that way? That’s not going to happen. There will either be a war or they’re going to kill each other.”

A laugh left Cullen’s lips and he pulled her back to him. “Let’s hope it the latter of the two, make it easier on everyone else.” He pressed his lips to her forehead, “How are you physically? Did you get hurt today?”

She sighed feeling his lips against her forehead and wrapped her arms around his waist, pressing herself into his chest. “I got hit by a spell. Only minor injuries.”

“Let me see.” His voice was demanding as he stepped back from her.

“It’s really not a big deal,” She sighed, pulling her shirt up her side to reveal a dark purple, almost bruise like, mark across her ribs. Cullen’s eyes instantly went wide while he bent to inspect the mark. Marian knew it wasn’t a major injury. Sure, it hurt and she might have broken a rib, but it really looked far worse than it was.

“It looks that way because the fucker was actually a blood mage and hit me with some spell. It hurts a little, but I healed myself before it could do any real damage. “

“You got hit by blood magic?” There was concern in his voice as he rose, letting his eyes lock onto hers. “You have to be more careful.” He pulled her back into his arms, holding her body tight to his. “You must protect yourself better.”

“He caught me off guard, that’s all. I also, don’t normally hunt blood mages...”

“Don’t treat this lightly, Marian.” He interrupted, pulling her face up so she was looking at him. “I’m not kidding, protect yourself better. I don’t want to kill anyone because they do you harm.” His eyes were locked on hers, demanding her full attention.

“I promise,” She whispered, not breaking his gaze, “I promise I’ll protect myself better.” She could feel her heart quicken in her chest and her breath hitched for a second.

“Good.” A smirked played on his lips as he looked at her. “I’ve missed you today.”

That’s when his lips crashed to hers. His hands found her hips, pulling her flush to his body, and she groaned in response. Her fingers tangled into his hair as his tongue slipped past her lips. She took him in, finally feeling her stresses float away. She was just starting to grind her hips to his when he broke the kiss.

“I don’t know what it is about you, Marian, but you have a hold on me,” He started, pressing his forehead to hers, “I’ve thought about you all day.”

Marian felt butterflies erupt through her stomach and a grin played on her lips. “I thought about you, too. Well, I did when I wasn’t killing crazy people and abominations.”

Cullen chuckled and pressed a chaste kiss to her lips. “Come with me. I just drew a bath and you look like you could use it.”

“Oh, I’d love to take a bath with you,” She teased, wiggling her hips against his.

Cullen groaned and dug his fingers into her hips. “I’m not joining you tonight. You had a long day you need rest.”

“Oh come on,” She whined, “You didn’t have a problem with it last night.”

“Last night we were both drunk. Tonight, I am sober and I’m not going to take you to bed when it’s not right. Come.” His hand pressed to the small of her back, leading her to the bathroom.

When they entered the bathroom Cullen stood behind her, removing her staff and leaning it against the wall. His hands pulled her leather robe off her shoulders, tossing it to the floor. His fingers found the bottom of her shirt next, and tugged it over her head letting it join her robe. Marian shivered as his lips pressed to her shoulder.

“You are so beautiful,” He whispered against her skin. “Take your boots off.”

She practically jumped out of her boots, kicking them out of the way. Then his fingers found the hem of her leathers, tugging them down. She watched him anxiously, longing for his touch. Cullen chuckled as he heard her breath quicken in anticipation and rose to stand next to her.

“I told you no.” Cullen teased, untying her breast band with skilled fingers. He flicked it to the ground and let his eyes scan her body. It was a lovely sight. He had never actually seen Marian naked from the waist up, but he could feel himself harden slightly in approval. He knew now he was going to change his decision. He knew his lust for her was going to win. The sight of her was irresistible and he couldn’t contain himself. Cullen’s hands found her hips, pulling her body to his. He moved his fingers along her sides, memorizing her curves. His lips pressed against her neck, causing her to shudder against him.

“Maker,” He breathed against her skin, “You...you are a lovely sight.’ His hands found her breasts, toying with her nipples. Marian whimpered in response and pressed her body harder against his. He could feel himself straining against his leathers and quickly found her smalls, tugging them down her legs. Their lips met again as he backed her against a wall. Her hand tugged at his shirt and he broke the kiss for a moment to remove his top, tossing it away.

Cullen’s hands found her face, crashing his lips back against hers. He kissed her roughly, claiming her mouth with his own. Marian’s fingers found his leathers and worked quickly with the laces. He pushed them, along with his smalls, down his hips and kicked them away. His hands moved to her ass, cupping it roughly. A gasp left her lips as he began to lift her.

“Put your legs around my waist.” He demanded.

And she did. Her legs wrapped around his waist as he lifted her onto his member. A groan left her lips and she wrapped her arms around his neck, grasping onto his body as she eased onto him. He moved slowly at first, easing her up and down gently. Small moans and whimpers would escape from her lips with every thrust and she dug her nails into his shoulders.

“Cullen,” She whimpered before nearly shouting out as he started moving her faster on him. His fingers gripped onto her ass as a moan escaped his own lips. Marian could feel her body come alive as he moved inside her. She knew she was close to coming undone and she tightened her grip on his body.

“Come for me, Marian.” He ordered, thrusting into her body harshly. Her response was a loud moan into his neck. It didn’t take long before she was coming undone, moaning his name repeatedly as she came. Cullen moaned at her increased tightness and groaned out her name as he released himself inside her. Marian whimpered as she relaxed on top of him, recovering from the orgasm that tore through her body, and he pressed his lips to the top of her head.

“You are so wonderful.” He whispered against her skin, before taking her up into her arms. “We’re going to take a bath now.” She giggled lightly as he carried her over to the washtub, stepping inside with her in his arms. Cullen eased into the water slowly, sitting down with her in his lap. She groaned softly as his lips pressed into her shoulder. His hand found a wash rag and ran it over her body, gently cleaning her skin. A soft sigh left her lips as she relaxed back against him.

“You’re lovely, do you know that?” He questioned softly as he washed her.

“Oh, stop it.” She giggled in reply, shaking her head.

“No, really you are. You’re intoxicating. No one has had this much of a pull on me before now.” His lips pressed tenderly to her scalp. “Lean your head back let me wash your hair.” She did as he asked and he filled a bowl, pouring the warm water over her hair.

“Come, let’s go to bed.” Cullen said when he finished with her hair. He gave her a small push and Marian rose to her feet. He stepped out first and grabbed two towels, handing one to her.

“Thank you,” Marian smiled as she took the towel from him.

“I’ll see you in bed.” Cullen smiled as he wrapped the towel around his waist and left for his bedroom.

Marian dried herself off quickly and tied the towel around her body. She moved to the mirror and her eyes widened at her appearance. The girl looking back at her certainly wasn’t Marian Hawke. This girl’s face was smiling; she was smiling a large stupid grin. She was genuinely happy. Marian Hawke was never this relaxed or this happy. Ever since Bethany, Fenris, and her mother all left her, Marian Hawke was angry or upset, never truly happy.

But here she was grinning like a stupid idiot in Cullen’s bathroom. She rolled her eyes at herself and ran her fingers through her hair, pulling out the knots. When she was finished she made her way to Cullen’s bedroom. He was already in bed with the quilt over him when she walked into the room.

“You can just drop the towel,” He started, “Come here.”

Marian grinned, letting the towel fall to the ground and ran over to the bed, hopping in besides him. He chuckled softly and took her into his arms, pulling the covers over them. She happily snuggled into his chest, resting her head on a pillow. His lips found the back of her head and kissed softly as she snuggled into him.

“Goodnight, Marian.” He whispered, draping his arm over her waist so she stayed flush against him.

“Goodnight, Cullen.” She replied, pressing her body into his.

Soon enough the two fell asleep. For once Marian didn’t dream about her mother and sister dying. She slept peacefully in Cullen’s arms, nuzzled against his chest. And for once Cullen didn’t find himself waking up in the middle of the night searching desperately for lyrium to soothe his addiction. He kept his arm draped around her body holding her tight against him as he actually slept for the first time in years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They're together...for now. >:)


	7. The Battle of Kirkwall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Orsino and Meredith finally face off. Marian has to take sides, say goodbye, and fix everything.

Marian groaned softly as she stretched her legs. Her hands rubbed sleep away from her eyes as she sat up. Once again, she was waking up alone in Cullen’s bed. A groan left her mouth as she remembered the feeling of his fingertips dancing along her skin. She shook the thoughts away from her mind as she stood up. Her eyes scanned the room looking for something to wear so she didn’t have to prance around his home naked, though she thought he wouldn’t mind it too much. She trotted over to his wardrobe, skimming through his clothing. Finally, she settled on a dark red, long sleeved, and much too big for Marian, shirt. She shrugged her shoulders and slipped it over her head. Her fingers barely peaked out past the end of the sleeves and it hit right at the middle of her thighs. A soft laugh left her lips at her appearance and she made her way out of the room.

As soon as she left the room her nose picked up the faint scent of tea and she headed towards the kitchen. Cullen was sitting at the table, his eyes focused on something in front of him. Marian grinned as she slipped behind him, placing chaste kiss on the top of his head.

“Good morning,” She breathed into his hair, lacing her arms around him.

“Good morning,” A smile spread across his lips and his hand found her wrist, pulling her to his lap. His lips found hers as his hands cupped her face. She smiled against his lips and let her hands rest on his chest. For the first time, Cullen kissed Marian softly, his lips slowly moving and working with hers. There was nothing harsh or rough about this and when he pulled away Marian was breathless.

“A very good morning indeed. I see you raided my closet?” A grin was playing on his lips as he spoke.

“Well, my clothes are bloody and in your bathroom. I figured you wouldn’t mind.”

A chuckle left his lips before he gave her a chaste kiss. “I don’t mind and you look lovely in my shirt, actually.” Then his brows furrowed and he frowned.

“Cullen?” Marian rose her eyebrows, “What’s wrong?”

He sighed softly, “I was just wish I could spend the day with you. I must be going.”

Marian frowned and wrinkled her nose, “Ah, I see. Important templar business. I’ll try to come by tonight? Hopefully early, I don’t have anything planned.”

A smile spread across his lips, “That sounds wonderful. I’ll let you go get dressed, but you can keep the shirt for the day, if you want.” He pressed a chaste kiss to her lips and she grinned at him.

“I promise I’ll bring it back. I might even keep blood off it.” She teased, rising to her feet and heading towards the bathroom.

Marian dressed herself quickly, making sure to keep Cullen’s shirt on underneath her leather robe. She grabbed her staff and slung it over her shoulders as she made her way back to the kitchen, only to find Cullen dressed in his full templar getup. Her eyes ran him over. As much as she hated templars, she certainly approved of Cullen in his uniform.

“Are you enjoying yourself?”

His voice caught her off guard and she snapped back into reality. “Right, well, uhm…” She stumbled on her words and felt her cheeks flush.

He laughed softly and grinned at her, “I’m sorry, I just love when you get all flushed and embarrassed, it’s adorable.”

Her brows furrowed, “Excuse me,” She placed her hands on either side of her hips, “I am the _Champion of Kirkwall_. I’m far from adorable.”

Cullen rose his eyebrows and laughed again, “Oh, I’m sorry, excuse me, _Miss Champion_.”

She smirked and strutted over to him, “You are forgiven, Ser Knight.”

He grinned and cupped her face, giving her a soft kiss. “I cannot wait until tonight. I’ll see you then?”

She nodded her head and gave him one last quick kiss before turning to leave.

“Oh, and, Miss Champion?” His voiced teased as she walked out of the door, “Remember what I told you. Protect yourself.”

“I promise!” She yelled back, before heading towards her home.

The rest of Marian’s day was uneventful. She wrote to Carver for a while, telling him how much she missed him and hoped he was doing well. She read a book for a while nibbling on muffin Orana made. After a few hours she was dreadfully bored and took a bath. She dressed herself in her normal dark leathers continued to wear Cullen’s shirt, making sure to tuck it in so it didn’t hang like a dress. She rolled the baggy sleeves up so they sat at her elbows and slipped into her boots. Her long dark hair hung loose around her shoulders for once and she looked over herself in the mirror.

Again, Marian could hardly recognize herself. The dark circles under her eyes were starting to fade away and she actually had a healthy glow to her skin. She didn’t know what Cullen was doing to her, but it was obviously good for her. Once she was satisfied with her appearance she headed downstairs to the door.

“Are you headed out?” A soft voice squeaked out as she reached for the door handle.

“I’m going to The Hanged Man for a couple hours to see Varric. I probably won’t be home until late.”

“You’re not going to wear your armor?” Orana’s voice was concerned, almost scared.

Hawke sighed softly and she glanced at her battle vest and staff by the door. “I suppose I should wear it.” She didn’t want to, but in all honesty with the crazy mages and crazy templars it probably wasn’t a bad idea. Orana smiled as Marian slid her long vest on and slid her staff across her shoulders.

“I’ll you tomorrow! Have a goodnight!” Orana called after as Hawke made her way out the door towards The Hanged Man.

Marian sat around a large table with her friends. Everyone was there, minus Anders but he hardly ever joined the gang when they got together. Everyone was drinking, except for Marian and Merrill, and Varric was in the middle of one of his wild stories.

“And then I shot him! I shot him right in the ass!” The entire group broke into laughter at the tale and then they heard it. It was like the whole building shook. Marian’s ears were ringing from the explosion.

“What the fuck was that?” Isabela was the first to speak up.

Merrill ran to the window and looked out. “Oh...oh...this is not good. I think something’s on fire.”

Hawke ran over and peered out. Black smoke was pouring into the sky from the center of town, directly where the chantry was.

“Let’s fucking go!” Marian yelled, grabbing her staff and darting out the door towards the chantry.

When they arrived Hawke almost couldn’t believe her eyes. The Chantry was falling to the ground, smoking billowing up from it. Someone blew up the fucking Chantry.

“That’s it!” She heard the shrill of Meredith’s voice before she saw her. She was storming towards the Chantry, an army of templars behind her. “The mages are done! I will have order here!”

“We did not do this, Meredith!” Orsino was making his way towards her, his staff in his hand. “We did not do this! You will not blame my people for this!”

Hawke’s eyes darted between the two of them and that's when she heard him speak.

“I did it.”

It was Anders. Anders was confessing to blowing up the Chantry.

“I told you your people did this, Orsino! You will pay for this. All of you.” Her hand was on the hilt of her sword.

“Stop it! This is not between templars and mages!” Marian hissed, stepping between the three of them. “Orsino did not do this! Anders isn’t part of the circle!”

“It was bound to happen!” Anders bellowed above her.

Marian turned and shot him a glare, “Anders, will you just-”

“I do not care. A mage caused this, the mages will pay,” Meredith interrupted, “Champion, pick your side. Who are you fighting for?”

“Meredith, it does not have to be this way! Do not do this!” Orsino was pleading now.

“Champion! Pick your side.”

Hawke went wide eyed and stared at Meredith and Orsino. They couldn’t really be doing this. Her eyes went to Anders, stupid fucking Anders, he caused this whole mess. Merrill’s eyes were wide and scared. Aveline was frowning. Isabela was casually twirling a knife in her hand, ready as always. Varric looked just as shocked as Hawke was.

Her eyes kept moving and that’s when she found him. Cullen. He was behind Meredith, but his eyes were locked on Marian’s now. This made her decision so much harder. She knew supporting the mages was right, but she knew she couldn’t face him in battle. She didn’t know what they were but for the first time in years Marian felt alive and she didn’t want to lose that feeling. She could feel a lump in her throat as she looked away from him.

“The mages,” Her eyes locked onto Meredith now, “I’m fighting for the mages.”

Meredith scoffed, “A disappointment. You will suffer as they do. We’ll let you prepare.” And with that she turned to leave, her army following behind her.

Marian looked up just to find honey colored eyes one more time. They were full of sadness as they watched her. Then, they turned and they were gone.

Marian's eyes went to Anders, anger filled her stomach. She pushed his chest as she reached him. "How could you fucking do this, Anders? I fucking helped you and this is what you did!"

He winced as she spoke to him, "Hawke, I'm sorry..."

"Don't you fucking dare!" She interrupted, glaring at him, "Get the fuck out of here Anders."

Anders nodded his head, not meeting Marian's eyes. "As you wish, Hakwe."

“Let’s go.” Marian turned to the rest of her group as she spoke before heading towards Orsino, leaving Anders behind.

Marian was preparing herself when Fenris came to her side.

“I will not support this, Hawke,” his voice was cold as he spoke to her, “I will not fight for these monster's freedom.”

Marian could feel magic prick in her fingertips as she turned to him, “Then go fight for the fucking templars, Fenris. I do not need your support.” Her finger poked his chest and she shocked him softly with her magic, “I will not slay you in battle, but if you wish to fight on their side and stand besides them, despite all I’ve done for you, go right ahead.”

Fenris gasped and furrowed his brows. “I will not fight you, but I will not fight with you. Goodbye, Hawke.” He turned away from her, stomping away and she glared at his back. He was actually leaving, the first person she ever loved was walking away forever. Three days ago Marian would have begged him to stay with her, but now she didn't care. She wished no ill will upon him, but Marian Hawke had finally let Fenris go for good.

Marian grabbed her staff and turned to her remaining friends, “We’ve been through alot together, and I love each and everyone of you, but if anyone wants to back out of this, go ahead. You don’t have to risk your life for me.”

“Hawke, I’d stand by your side if we were fighting a fucking dragon,” Varric spoke up, “Let’s do this.”

“I’m with Varric!” Isabela chimed in.

“Me, too!” Merrill was next.

“Through thick and thin, Hawke.” Aveline was the last to promise her loyalty to her friend.

“Let’s fucking do this then.” Marian forced a small grin at her closest friends. She couldn't help but feel worried. These four people were her best friends, and they were running off to defend her honor. On top of that she had no idea where Cullen was and she wanted nothing more than to see his face and hear his voice one last time. She pushed her worries to the back of her head and made her way to Orsino.

“Are you ready, Champion? I fear the templars are closing in on us now.”

Marian nodded her head, “I am ready, and I will defend you.”

That’s when everyone heard the bang of the door. Marian reached for her staff while her friends and allies positioned themselves, waiting for the templars to break the door down. And when they rushed Marian found herself looking for messy blonde hair or honey colored eyes. She gasped as she dodged an arrow that barely missed her side. Her fingers tightened around her staff as she started to move. Every spell she threw hit her targets, and every time she found herself praying that her victims weren’t Cullen. A gasp left her lips as she felt the burn of a fresh gash in her back and spun around, throwing ice at her attacker. The knight froze in place and she shot electricity at him, shattering his body to pieces.

By the time they were finished the ground was scattered with blood and body parts. Her companions were all breathless and bloody, but they looked well. That’s when she heard Orsino’s voice.

“Look at it...look at it all…”His eyes scanned the bloody room around him. “Why don’t they just drown us as infants? Why give us the false illusion of hope? I refuse to keep running. I will not wait for her to kill me!”

“This isn’t helping!” Hawke yelled, looking at him.

“I’m tired of helping as well! I see what must be done!” He pulled a knife out from behind his robes, “If Meredith wants blood magic, she’ll have it! Maker help us all.” The knife drew across his wrist, spilling his blood to the floor mixing it with all the others. Then the corpses and blood were drawn to Orsino, encircling his body in their filth, twisting him into a monster.

When it screamed them room shook and Hawke flung electricity at the beast, dodging a swing simultaneously. Aveline charged at the monster, slashing it with her sword. Marian covered her with barrier while she ripped the monster’s side clean open, spilling its blood all over the floor. Isabela suddenly leaped onto it, digging twin knives into it’s back. The beast shrieked and flailed wildly, knocking Marian clean off her feet.

Marian gasped as she caught her breath. The beast was focused on Varric and Merrill now, it’s back facing her. She could see a sword close to her and without thinking grabbed it, running straight towards the beasts back. She launched herself at it, stabbing the sword in until only the hilt stuck out. The beast screamed and Marian scrambled backwards away from it. And then it fell, landing exactly where she had been before.

“Is everyone okay?” Hawke yelled out trying to catch her breath.

“We’re all good, Hawke!” Varric yelled back.

Marian pushed herself to her feet and grabbed her staff off the ground, making her way over to her party. Blood covered her face and armor. Her party looked the same, except for Aveline who was drenched in it.

“Let’s end this.” Marian led the way towards the exit and they headed straight to the gallows, ready to finish Meredith once and for all.

When the arrived Meredith and her army were already waiting for them.

“And here we are, Champion, at long last.” Her voice was cold as she addressed them.

“Sorry to keep you waiting.” Hawke was smirking now. She could see Cullen directly behind Meredith and felt a rush a relief go over her body. There was worry in his eyes, probably because of all the blood, and she let her eyes meet his for a moment only to have her attention drawn back to Meredith.

“I tolerated you, Hawke. I didn’t force you into a circle, but in defending them you have decided to share their fate.”

Marian’s eyes snapped back to Meredith, “I am defending innocent people from a monster, I am doing no wrong here.” She hissed through clenched teeth.

“Knight commander,” Cullen was speaking now and her eyes moved to him, “I thought we intended to arrest the champion?” His voice was almost hostile, bordering on the tip.

“You will do as I command, Cullen.”

“No,” He snapped, his anger taking hold, “I defended you, I always did, but I will not allow this.”

“I will not tolerate insubordination!” Meredith screamed, pulling her sword out and aiming it directly at Cullen.

Marian felt her mage prick and she was ready to shoot Meredith with all her mana when she actually looked at the sword. It was the missing red lyrium, she had crafted it into her weapon.

“Andraste’s dimpled buttcheeks…” Varric spoke, gaping at the sword.

“That won’t help you, Meredith.” Hawke hissed, grabbing her staff.

“All of you!” Meredith turned to her templars now, “I want her dead!”

“No!” Cullen yelled, “I will not allow this. Knight Commander, you are relieved of your command!”

“Look at this, my own captain under the influence of blood magic. You all are! You’re all weak! I don’t need anyone of you, I will protect this city myself!”

Meredith swung her red lyrium sword at Hawke and she barely moved back in time to dodge the blow. Hawke threw electricity at her, moving clear out of the way of her sword. Cullen moved next, bring his sword down across Meredith’s back. She screamed out and slashed at him only to be attacked by Isabela, now at her side. Meredith swung wildly, trying to hit anything while she was bombarded with attacks. Meredith fell to her knees and Hawke began to move in on her, that's when she heard her praying.

“Maker,your servant begs your for the strength to defeat this evil!” Meredith cried out and jumped back to a landing above everyone. Then one of the giant metal statues that circled the gallows started moving, controlled by her lyrium.

Marian found her place in battle, throwing electricity to shock the metal monster while her party kept its attention drawn to them. Then she saw the statue swing at Cullen. His shield went up, but he was too slow and was knocked aside into a wall.

“No!” She yelled out when he didn’t instantly stir. She felt her mana going wild in her fingers and she swung her staff, shooting everything she could at the metal beast. The beast froze for a second before tumbling to the ground, pieces scattering everywhere. Marian stumbled trying to recover from using almost all of her mana in the one spell.

Meredith jumped back down, sending her power to more statues making them come alive. Hawke felt her anger flare up and focused all of her attention on Meredith, letting the others handle the statues.

“Stop running!” Marian yelled, throwing a spell at Meredith. “Fucking face me. If you want me dead, you kill me!”

Meredith chuckled as she faced Hawke, “As you wish, Champion.”

Hawke grinned and threw electricity at her before Meredith had the chance to dodge. She screamed enraged and charged at Marian. Marian spun out of the way, aiming electricity at the middle of Meredith’s back. Meredith yelled again as the magic stuck her. This time when she charged, Hawke was too slow and she stumbled backwards. Meredith slashed downwards with her sword and Marian scrambled to avoid every hit. Then she felt the back at her wall, she couldn’t scramble anymore, and in this position her staff was useless. Meredith’s sword was above her head as she came down with it, aiming directly for Marian. Hawke used all the power she had left in her body to direct a spell directly at Meredith’s chest, and when it struck Meredith flew backwards.

Everything felt blurry. Marian’s head was fuzzy as she tried to look around. Everyone was closing in on Meredith’s slain body, but Marian couldn’t see why. Everything was getting fuzzy and the outside of her vision was going dark. The next thing she heard was cheering, then everything went black and silent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kind of a cliff hanger? ;)  
> Hope you guys are enjoying this!


	8. Life Can Do Terrible Things

A groan left her lips as she stretched out her limbs. Everything ached, from the tips of her ears down to her toes, but especially her head. That banging against her skull was constant and nagging. As she sat up a pained gasp escaped her lips. Her left shoulder felt like it was on fire. Searing pain was shooting down to the tips of her fingers. Teeth clenched to hold back her cries, she managed to shoot a healing spell into her arm. It was weak, pathetic really, but it managed to numb the pain until it was only a sting.

Marian forced herself to rise from her bed. Legs wobbling, she managed to make her way to her bathroom. By the time she reached the countertop her legs were ready to give out underneath her body. Her hands gripped the edge for support as she struggled to catch her breath.

Her head felt fuzzy. Nothing was very clear right now. What day was it even? How long had she been sleeping?

She found the faucet and splashed cold water onto her face, trying to remember.

All she could she was red. Bright red swinging down at her, and then in an instant it was gone, then everything was black.

“Come on, Hawke, fucking remember.” A frustrated sigh left her lips as she glared at her reflection. Her eyes closed as she tried to force her memories back to her.

Meredith. Fucking Meredith. She had Hawke pinned against a wall, ready to strike a deathblow, when Hawke threw her back with all her power. That’s when everything went dark.

Determined, Marian tried to pull more memories out of the black pit that was her mind.

Anders blew up the Chantry. Fenris ran away. Orsino turned himself into a monster, corrupted by blood magic. And, Meredith let herself become corrupted by red lyrium.

That’s when she remembered. The metal statues, Meredith had brought them to life. They were attacking and he wasn’t fast enough.

“Cullen.” Her voice nearly broke as she whispered his name. She could feel her heart sink in her chest and her stomach turned sour. She needed to find him. Nothing could have happened to Cullen. A lump formed in her throat as she felt tears well in her eyes. She blinked them away, refusing to cry and focused on what she needed to do.

As quickly as she could, which wasn’t very fast, Marian returned to her bedroom. Her eyes searched, only stopping when they landed on her pack. Ignoring the cry of her aching body, she hurried towards it. When she snatched it up she pulled out what she was looking for. The potion smelled of elfroot and other healing herbs and her nose wrinkled at the scent as she poured it down her throat. It only took moments for her strength to return to her. All of her pains vanished, except for the lingering stinging from her shoulder.

Cullen. Finding him was the first thing that came to her mind. Her heart ached for him and she needed more than anything for him to alright. She didn’t know what they were or how he felt about her, but she knew she couldn’t take anymore fucking losses in her life.

Marian moved swiftly to her closet, pulling on the first things she landed on. Once her boots were on she darted to the door.

She had just reached the top of the stairs when she heard them speaking.

“Maker, Varric, she’s been out for weeks now. You’ve seen the cut on her back! The damned thing was poisoned!”

“Dammit, Aveline! Stop it! It’s Hawke! Hawke always pulls through!” She could hear his voice break at the end.

A smile spread across Marian’s lips as she made her way down the stairs towards them. “Well, thanks, Varric, you don’t need to brag about me or anything.”

Varric hit Marian so hard she almost fell backwards. He certainly was strong, for a dwarf. And for the first time ever, Varric Tethras hugged Marian Hawke. Moments later he shoved her away.

“You stupid shit! What the fuck, Hawke?!”

Marian’s eyebrows rose as her arms crossed her chest. “It’s good to see you, too, Varric.”

“Why the fuck would you run off and try to kill Meredith by yourself?”

“But, I did kill her...didn’t I?”

“This isn’t a fucking joke, Hawke!” Varric shoved her again. “You almost got yourself killed, you stupid nug humper.”

Marian looked down at her best friend and a grin grew on her face, “Don’t worry, Varric. You’ll never get rid of me.”

She could tell he was trying. Varric was trying so hard not to let himself smile. It only took moments for it to break free. “I guess I should be used to you doing stupid shit by now, shouldn’t I?”

“It should be considered normal behavior by now, Varric.” Marian grinned and turned her attention to Aveline.

Aveline rushed over, hugging Marian tightly. “Maker, Hawke, don’t you ever do something so stupid again.”

A playful groan left Marian’s lips, “Yes, Aveline. I promise.” She gave her a small smile as she broke away from the hug. “So, who wants to tell me what the fuck happened?”

“Well, we were all fighting those creepy, red lyrium statue things when there was this sound. It was a giant bang and the whole ground shook. When we turned, Meredith was dead on the ground!” Aveline glared at Varric and he chuckled, “Okay, okay, excuse me for putting an artistic twist on the story, Aveline. We were all fighting and then there was a loud bang. Your spell must have hit Meredith’s sword or something, but the damn thing exploded and, I shit you not, it ate her. She turned into a fucking red lyrium statue. The statues stopped attacking when she went down. Merrill was the first to find you. We think that when you hit Meredith the force knocked you out cold…”

“Some think that,” Aveline interrupted.

Varric rolled his eyes, “She thinks a templar poisoned you. You have a pretty bad cut on your back, but you also manged to crack your head open. Personally, I'm leaning towards head injury.”

“I highly doubt I was poisoned, Aveline. How long have I been out?”

“Three weeks? I’m not sure, Hawke, it’s been a while.”

Marian’s stomach dropped. Three weeks. It had been three weeks. Cullen was probably long gone by now. Suddenly, her headache was starting to return again. Her eyes were stinging with tears as she looked to the floor.

“Knight Captain Cullen came to see you a few times before he had to leave. He left a letter at your bedside before heading off to Ferelden.” Varric’s voice was soft as he spoke, “He was pretty upset when he left, Hawke.”

Marian nodded her head slowly, forcing her tears away. “I’m going to go read that letter now, excuse me.” She turned on her heel, starting towards the stairs.

“Hawke, wait,” Aveline’s voice was calling her back, “Hawke, we have to tell you something. It’s…” A sigh left her lips.

“Hawke, it’s pretty surprising to say the least.” Varric interrupted.

Confused, Marian’s eyes studied them. They both looked nervous, Aveline’s fingers were even shaking slightly.

“What the hell is going on?”

“Hawke, now first off, Aveline agreed to tell you this but now she’s too scared and I have to. So, look, I’m not a lady or anything, but you were out for three weeks. Three weeks is an awfully long time, you know almost a full moon cycle.”

“What the fuck are you going on about, Varric?” Marian’s eyebrows furrowed as he spoke. “Will you just spit it out? Someone tell me what’s going on!”

“Hawke, you didn’t have your blood.” Aveline blurted out, her cheeks flushing scarlet.

Marian’s eyes went wide and she nearly fell backwards onto the stairs. No. No. This could not be happening. She could not be pregnant. Her hands went to her stomach, squeezing. It was still soft, not rounded out at all. They had to be wrong, she couldn’t really be pregnant.

“You’re both ridiculous.”

“Then explain it, Hawke. Those things don’t just skip an entire month. We both know you and Knight Captain had something going on.”

“This can’t be happening.” Marian let her body fall to the floor and she put her head in her hands, “Maker, this cannot be happening.”

Varric came to her first, his arm wrapping around her shoulder. Aveline joined her other side moments later.

“Well take care of this, Hawke. This...this is nothing compared to what we’ve faced.”

“Varric is right, Hawke. Everything will be alright.”

Marian nodded her head as she looked to them, “Thank you two for everything.” She rose from the ground, “I have to go write Cullen. He should probably know about this. I’ll meet you at The Hanged Man later?”

“Sounds good, Hawke. I’ll see you then.” Varric nodded his head.

“I won’t be able to make it, I have a date with Donnic, but I’ll be there next time.”

“Thank you again. You guys really are my best friends.” Marian flashed them a small smile before letting them leave.

Once they left she ran to her room. There was only one letter on her desk and she ripped it open, her eyes scanning it.

_My sweet Marian,_

_Why didn’t you listen to me? I told you to protect yourself. Look what happened. You’re barely breathing now, and I’m sitting at your side praying for you to wake up every day. I pray the Maker brings you back to me, Marian. You’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. And your heart. You have the biggest heart, constantly throwing yourself in front of danger to protect innocent people. I’ve never met anyone like you in my entire life._

_And that’s why this pains me. They’re going to send me away tomorrow. I’m going to Redcliffe for whatever reason. Before, I never would have cared where they sent me or what I had to do, but now it kills me to leave your side. I won’t be able to write you, I will not risk your life, Marian. If they found out and hurt you I would never forgive myself._

_I know it is unlikely we will ever see each other again. Regardless, I will never forget you, Marian Hawke. You are a sunshine in this dark world we live in. I swear The Maker sent you to me. I'll never forget how I felt when I was with you and I know I'll never feel that way again. I want nothing more than to stay here by your side until you wake, but I must go. Thank you for for being in my life, Marian, even if it was for a short while._

_I'll always love you,_  
_Cullen Rutherford_

This was what it was like to have your life fall apart. Marian fell to her knees, her face in her hands. Hot tears spilled down her cheeks as a sob tore though her body.

Cullen was gone. Her sweet Cullen was gone.

Now she knew what heartbreak was. Fenris leaving was nothing like this. This feeling was madness. It was absolute torture. Marian loved him, she knew she loved him. The way she felt drawn to him, like a moth into a flame. His effect on her was more powerful than any spell that had ever struck her. She was willing to do anything for him, all he needed to do was ask. Then there was the way he made her feel. How she felt more alive in the two days she spent with him than she had with anyone else. Marian knew she’d never feel that spark again and let another sob tear through her body.

What he did wasn’t to hurt her, she knew that. He was only protecting her, but that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt. Her body ached for him and her heart screamed the same. A whimper left her lips as her hands found her stomach. Her body crumbled into the ground as she curled into a ball, hugging her knees to her chest.

What was she going to do? Cullen was gone, gone forever more than likely, and she was pregnant with his child. Never had she felt more alone than she did right now. She longed for her mother, who would hold her and tell her everything would be okay. She longed for Cullen, who would kiss her and promise they’d figure everything out. But no, Marian Hawke was completely alone right now.

After a while of wallowing in her own misery, Marian pushed herself up. Her hands wiped the tears from her cheeks. It was time for her to stop, she needed to push him to the back of her mind. Right now, Marian Hawke had to learn how to take care of child and quickly. Her hands found her stomach and she rubbed it softly. Even if Cullen wasn’t with her, even if she never saw him again, she would always have this. She would always have their child.

A sigh left her lips as she rose from the ground. She kicked off her boots and pulled off her leathers before slipping into bed. Varric wouldn’t miss her tonight. Though she had been asleep for three weeks, Marian felt exhausted. Every part of her body ached and all she wanted was to sleep and not feel anything for a little while. It may not have been the best solution, but Marian didn’t care anymore. No one would ever know it, but Marian Hawke had been broken inside for a long time and she was so tired of it. All she wanted was to be happy, and for a few sweet days with Cullen she had been truly happy. And then it was ripped away from her and she was left devastated again.

Her face buried into a pillow and she shut her eyes, letting a yawn escape her lips. Sleep washed over her body and she could feel her eyelids go heavy. Tomorrow she would worry about the baby. Tomorrow she would worry about fixing herself. Tonight she just wanted to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Marian is officially pregnant and Cullen is gone for now.  
> Who know's what'll happen next with Marian's exciting life! :D  
> I hope everyone's enjoying so far. :)


	9. Legacy pt. 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marian must protect her family, no matter what.

When Marian opened her eyes she instantly regretted it and pulled the covers up over her head. Sunlight was beaming in through the windows and of course it was on the one day she planned on sleeping in. She groaned as she rolled out of bed, rubbing her eyes awake. After stretching out her legs Marian rose and made her way towards the bathroom.

When she saw her reflection she groaned softly. Her entire face was puffy and red from crying. Great, now she was going to look pitiful all day. Her eyes rolled as she began to run herself a bath. She stripped her clothes and slipped inside the warm water. A sigh left her lips as she relaxed into the tub, sinking in up to her shoulders.

From an outside perspective Marian appeared to be at peace, relaxing in the bath with her eyes closed, but inside her head was screaming. Sleep had not helped and she still felt just as terrible as she did the night before. She just couldn’t believe he was really gone. Her head dunked under the water as she tried to wash the thoughts away.

It didn’t help at all. Marian’s mind practically sang his name over and over in her head. Oh, Cullen, her sweet Cullen. Her hands rested on her stomach under the water, rubbing it affectionately. Never in her life had she planned on being a mother, but now she was going to be and she wasn’t completely dreading it. Already, she was attached to her unborn baby. It was the only piece of Cullen she had left and she cherished it.

Marian soaked in the tub, trying to relax to the best of her capabilities. By the time she decided to wash her body, the water was starting to go cold and her toes were pruny. When she finished she dried off quickly and wrapped a towel around her body.

When she was pulling clothes out of her wardrobe she spotted something in the back that looked odd. It was dark red and looked quite long. When she realized what it was she snatched it down, hugging it to her chest. It was his shirt, the one she borrowed from him the day of the battle, the last time she ever saw him. Tears stung in her eyes as she buried her face into the red fabric.

“Cullen, I love you.” Her voice was barely a whisper as she spoke into his shirt.

She laid the shirt on her bed as she wiped her eyes. She needed to stop crying, she was going to cry herself to death at this rate. Her head shook as she pulled a blouse free and slipped it over her head before tugging leathers up her legs. Her fingers ran through her damp hair, attempting to tame it, while she walked out of her bedroom.

When Orana saw Marian she screamed. Marian wasn’t sure if it was shock or actual fright, but when the small elf rushed her Marian knew.

“Oh, Miss Hawke! I can’t believe it!” Orana’s voice was cracking as she spoke, “You’re finally awake. I was so afraid for you.”

“It’s okay, Orana, I’m fine.” Marian stroked her hair gently as she spoke. “I just managed to put myself in a coma, but it’s okay, no real harm.” A smile spread across her lips and Orana grinned in reply.

“Would you like something for breakfast? You must be hungry, not eating for three weeks.”

“Some tea would be nice, thank you.”

Orana nodded and trotted off to the kitchen and Marian followed after her. When they arrived Orana began fixing a kettle on the stove, setting it to boil the water.

“Where is Sandal? I haven’t seen him or Bodahn since I woke.”

“Oh, no one told you. They had to leave while you were in your coma thing. They said it was urgent and just left.” She placed a cup in front of Marian as she spoke.

A frown formed on Hawke’s lips. So everyone was gone, literally everyone. She sighed softly as Orana poured the hot water over the tea in Marian’s cup. Marian forced a small smile her way as she took the cup, adding a little bit of milk and sugar.

“I am sorry you are upset, Miss. If there’s anything I can do to help, please let me know. I must go, I wanted to wash the linens today.”

Marian nodded softly as she sipped her tea. Everyone had fucking left now. Bodahn, Sandal, Anders, Fenris. All of them had left for one reason or another and Hawke found herself oddly upset about it. And right on top of those four was Cullen. Cullen was the cherry on top and a frown formed on her face when she thought of him. No, no more crying.

Marian shook her head before raising from her seat and heading towards the front door. Her eyes caught her staff leaning in the corner by the door along with her battle robe. She took the items into her hands and smiled. Someone had taken the time to get her robe repaired from battle and now she needed to find out who so she could thank them. Her arms slipped into the sleeves and she slid her staff over her back, then she was out the door. Her first destination was The Hanged Man. Varric was there and if Isabela was still around she would be, too.

When she opened the found the bar mostly empty. It was midday so that was normal, the only people around now either lived here or were true drunks. Hawke made her way up the stairs and down the hall towards Varric’s room. She could hear Isabela’s voice before she opened Varric’s bedroom door.

“So, she’s up and moving? That’s lovely. Did you find anything out about that cute, blonde templar that kept coming around? I’d like to meet him.”

Hawke could hear the flirtatious tone in Isabela’s voice and rolled her eyes before opening the door without knocking. “Well, hello, Isabela.”

Isabela squealed and ran to her, hugging her tight. “It’s bloody good to see you, Hawke. Had me scared there. Don’t do it again.”

Marian nodded her head with a smile, “I’m not planning on going after anymore blood mages or crazy templars, so we should be okay. For now, at least.”

“Let’s hope it’s not for too long, I don’t want to get bored,” Isabela grinned, “Right, you came to talk to Varric. We’ll catch up later, kitten. I want to know about blondie.” She gave Marian a wink and started heading towards the door, wiggling her fingers bye to Varric as she left.

“You look better than when I last saw you. You didn’t end up coming by last night?”

Hawke nodded her head, “I ended up going to sleep. I’m feeling better now, so that’s going well for me.” her shoulders shrugged lightly.

“So, what are you going to do about...you know...your situation?”

A sigh left her lips and she let her fingers run through her hair anxiously. “I can’t go after Cullen. I just know he’s in Redcliffe. He said he was going to miss me.” Her voice cracked at the end, “But it’s too dangerous. We can’t risk it.”

“Wow, Hawke. You’re really torn up about this. I’m sorry.” His brows furrowed together, “What about the...the other thing?”

Her shoulders shrugged, “What about it? I’m keeping it.”

His eyes went wide, “You. You, Marian Fucking Hawke, The Champion of fucking Kirkwall, slayer of Meredith and Orsino, and above all of these, overall badass, are going to have a child?”

She nodded her head, “Why not? I’d be a great mom.”

“I never said you wouldn’t be, I just never thought I’d see the day. I’d never thought you’d decide to be a mommy.” A smile toyed on his lips, “You know, Hawke, I think my story about you is going to be the best one yet. Your character transformation is amazing; scared to total badass to total badass _mother_. It’s fucking beautiful.”

Instantly her eyes rolled, “Oh whatever, Varric. I’m going to see Merrill do you want to come?”

“I always love seeing Daisy.” A smile was obvious in his voice as he followed behind on her heels.

For once the sun was high in the sky above Kirkwall as Varric and Hawke made their way to Lowtown alienage. For one of the first times in her life, Marian thought maybe today wouldn’t be such a bad day. Instead of running off into the dangers of battle like she normally did she could spend the day catching up with the few friends she had left. But things were not that simple, they never were.

When the carta rogues attacked Hawke and Varric were caught off guard. They slipped out of the shadows, attacking from behind with poison coated knives. If it wasn’t for the shadow Marian saw in front of her, one of those knives would have sank deep into her back.

She spun, throwing up a weak barrier around Varric and herself. It wasn’t much, but the rogue’s were knocked back when they tried to attack past it. Varric’s hands found Bianca and soon the two of them were taking down the attackers. One by one the rogues would show, ready to sneak in for an attack, and one by one Varric’s arrows and Marian's spells tore through their bodies.

When they finished a group of dead dwarves surrounded their feet, blood spilling from their wounds. A large frown was planted on Hawke’s face.

“What the fuck was that? Who are these fuckers?” Her voice was harsh as she spoke. Nothing could ever go nicely in her life, not even for one day. There was always something going wrong. Trouble followed her no matter where she went or what she did. Hell, she just woke from a coma yesterday to find her life was in shambles, and now she had fucking assassin’s after her.

Varric’s hands found a body, searching it. “I don't know, Hawke, they look like regular carta dwarves. There’s nothing special about them.” That’s when his eyes went wide. “Andraste’s fucking hairy nipples. While you were out, Carver wrote. He said something about not feeling safe with the wardens. He said he felt like something was following him around."His hands pulled out piece of parchment and when they unrolled it the two of them found a hand drawn map. Hawke’s eyes scanned the paper, trying to recognize the hand drawn landmarks.

“Where the fuck is this?”

“The bloody Vimmark mountains? They’re hiding there?”

“That’s where we are headed. If they’re attacking me, attacking Carver, I will stop them.” Anger hot as fire filled her stomach. Carver was the only family she had left and she wouldn’t let some stupid carta dwarves harass him or herself. She was determined to protect her younger brother and the unborn child she was carrying in her stomach, no matter what it took. No, Marian Hawke would let no one terrify her family, anyone that tried would suffer a terrible fate, just like these dwarves would soon learn.

“Varric, go get Merrill and Isabela. We’re going to the Vimmark mountains. And I’m going to have a few choice words with this carta leader about attacking the Hawke family.”

Varric groaned, “We’re taking on the carta now? Fucking great. We’ll meet at your house in an hour, Hawke.” And he was gone, hurrying off towards the alienage to gather Merrill.

It was evening when they headed out, the sun had just started to set behind the city. Vinmark wasn’t too far and Hawke knew they would be able to arrive by nightfall tomorrow, if they hurried.

It only took an hour of walking for Isabela to whine.

“Hawke, when I said find us something exciting, I didn’t mean hiking in the fucking mountains.”

“The mountains are beautiful, Bela, look at all these flowers. It’s lovely here.” Merrill’s airy voice chimed in as her large green eyes took in their surroundings, almost awe like.

“We’re taking down a carta, Isabela. It will being very exciting, we just have to get there first.” Varric had started in now and Marian rolled her eyes.

“Ooooh, we’re going after the carta? How wonderful. What did they do?”

“Oh, they just figured it was smart to go after Hawke and her brother in the wardens, now Hawke wants revenge!” A throaty laugh left his lips.

“The carta wants you dead, Hawke?” Isabela cocked her eyebrows, tsking her tongue. “I warned you about them sneaky little dwarves. Shoulda stopped picking on them, Hawke. Now they want payback.” A smirk spread across her lips.

Marian’s eyes rolled for probably the millionth time as she spoke, “Oh shut up, Bela. Varric is ruder to dwarves than I am. I don’t know what they want, but I intend to find out and fucking end it.”

The rest of their journey was easy enough. They saw no action until they actually entered the wasteland. First, a group tried to rush them and surprise attack, but Hawke was faster and pulled a barrier around her party before any hits could strike them. Isabella moved first, throwing a smoke bomb at their feet to blind the attackers while the group got into position. Merill was focusing on a group of thugs, her magic knocking them down one at a time while they tried to hit her. Varric was assisting Merrill, sniping random thugs that got to close her while she attacked. Isabela was dancing around an overseer. Her body easily slipped out of the way of all his attack. Every chance she could she would slash at a weak point in his armor, drawing blood and a howl from him. Marian’s magic helped her and when she froze the overseer’s legs in place Isabela took the shot and sank her blade into his neck.

“Everyone okay?” Marian was breathless as the batlle finished.

“I’m good. Daisy, Bela?” Varric asked, pulling an arrow out of the back of a slain thug.

“I’m okay.” Merrill was first.

“I’m fine. Well, except for the fact that I’m drenched in this fucks blood,” Isabela kicked the overseer’s body, “Hawke, you owe me a new dress. This one is ruined.”

“Yes, yes, Bela. You’ll get a new dress. This is why you should wear armor.”

Isabela scoffed, “I don’t need armor. They can’t catch me anyways.” A smirk spread across her lips.

Marian couldn’t help herself when her eyes rolled again. “Right. Let’s go guys. Take anything useful. I want to get to this hideout.”

They fought their way through the outskirts of the building, leaving a trail of dwarf and bronto corpses behind them. When they finally entered the hideout, Hawke’s fist was clenched around her staff and her magic was burning with anger. She wanted to know what the fuck was going on and why the fuck these stupid dwarves were trying to kill her. When the dwarf ran towards her she almost attacked him instantly, but he spoke first.

The first thing that caught her attention were his eyes. They were milky grey and glowed eerily. Hawke recognized it immediately, the color of darkspawn corruption. Her fingers flexed on her staff as he spoke, “The Hawke’s blood! The master will rise! He will be free!”

“Gerav?” Varric was the first to speak, “What the fuck are you doing here?”

The man, apparently named Gerav gasped, “V..Varric. I wasn’t told you would be apart of this, we were just going after The Hawke.”

“What the fuck do you people want?” Marian’s voice was a hiss and her eyes narrowed at him.

“Really, Gerav, what the hell are you people doing here? Worshiping fucking demons?”

“We drink the darkspawn blood. He calls to us…”

Marian’s eyebrows rose. “You drink darkspawn blood? Are you fucking crazy? Who the hell are you?”

“This is Gerav,” Varric started, “I’ve done business with him before. He’s a greedy, brilliant, bastard son of a nug from the carta.”

“The master sings to us!” Gerav interrupted, “He calls for the blood of The Hawke!”

In an instant Varric had Bianca aimed directly at his chest, “Gerav, don’t do this, buddy. This isn’t you.” When Gerav rushed forward to attack, Varric’s finger found the trigger and an arrow sank deep into Gerav’s chest. The dwarf fell, killed as soon as the arrow struck his heart, and Varric knelt besides his body. “I knew Gerav back when I did business with the carta. He was a crazy son of a nug then, but in a good way.” Sadness was clear on his face. “He wanted to design a repeating crossbow, one like Bianca. He could never get it right, but he never stopped trying." A sigh left his lips as he stood up, walking past Marian and the rest of the group. “I can’t believe he ended up like this.”

Marian pressed her lips together, unsure what to say as she followed after him. Varric was never one to really want comfort, so she stayed silent as they moved through the building. The next room they entered was large and Merrill squeaked as she entered.

On the far side of the room there was a bronto. It was massive, the biggest one Marian had ever seen. Armor was glittering across it’s back and it’s horns had been sharpened to a dangerous point. Besides him there was a dwarf with matching armor. His eyes had the same eerie glow as Gerav’s.

“I thought you would be a problem, Hawke,” The dwarf began, “I swore to Corypheus we’d bring him Malcom Hawke’s blood one way or another.”

Hawke’s eyes shot daggers at the dwarf, “Why do you want my father’s blood? Who the hell is Corypheus?”

“I don’t ask what the master wants,” He snapped back. “The master gets what he wants, from me from someone.”

Marian scoffed, “You want my blood? Sure why not. How about a kidney, too, while we’re at it.”

“Corypheus!” The dwarf yelled out suddenly, “We have done what you asked! Your sacrifice is here! You will rise once more!”

That’s when the bronto rushed forward. Marian and her party scattered, barely missing being trampled by the beast. As Marian pushed to her feet she saw the dwarf running towards her, a crazed look on his face. Magic hit against his chest and he flew backwards, giving Hawke enough time to scramble to her feet and run over to her party who was focusing on the bronto. Merrill screamed as she dodged the beast’s foot, nearly getting stomped on.

“Merrill!” Hawke rushed over to them, throwing spells at the beast all the way. Varric made arrows rain from the sky, scattering across the bronto’s back while Marian shot electricity at it’s eyes, blinding it for a moment. Isabela took her chance and leaped for its back. The beast bucked, but her dagger found it’s throat, giving her plenty of grip as she sliced it's neck clean open. The dwarf screamed from across the room, enraged now. He rushed towards them, axe drawn to swing a powerful blow. Varric’s crossbow was aimed at his side and he pulled the trigger letting it fly. The arrow found the weak spot beneath his shoulder and sank into the exposed flesh. A pained yell left the dwarfs mouth as his axe slipped from his fingers. Varric’s next arrow found his temple and the dwarf fell to the ground.

When Hawke’s eyes met the dwarf’s corpse her eyebrow cocked. A soft blue light was radiating from his dead body and she moved over to him, searching his body. Her hands found a staff slung across his back. Why would a dwarf carry a staff they couldn’t conjure magic? Suddenly, she felt something powerful rush through her body. It only lasted it a second but Marian was breathless as it rushed over her.

“What the hell was that?” She gasped, staring at the staff in her hands.

“It was an enchantment, Hawke. It’s connected to you somehow.” Merrill spoke up, staring at her with large green eyes.

“This is it. This will take me to whoever the hell this Corypheus shit stain is. Let’s go.” Marian hurried towards the door, the new staff still in her hands, her gang following after her. They made their way to a set of stairs and as soon as they hit the floor Marian’s ears picked up the hum of a barrier.

“They sealed us in,” She groaned looking at the glow of the barrier, now covering where they had just came from. “There has to be another way out, come on.”

When they moved down the hall they could all hear a terrible growling. It sounded almost demonic and Marian could recognize it instantly. Merrill squealed as the hurlocks and genlocks rushed towards them. Marian’s eyes went wide and she pulled her mana forward, sending powerful shocks through all of their bodies. Isabela rushed in, slicing their stunned throats as she moved. Varric’s arrows found the ones Isabela missed and soon enough they all laid dead.

Hawke’s eyes moved around. The Grey Warden sigil was faintly visible over layers of dirt. When her eyes noticed the shades locked behind magical barriers her eyebrows rose. They were in some sort of Grey Warden magical prison. Then she heard his voice.

“The demons are trapped here. Held for all time.” It was her father, she would recognize her father’s voice anywhere, and right now it was all around her. “In the name of the Maker it shall be.” Her eyes went wide as she spun around. What was going on? The carta, The Grey Wardens, whoever the hell this Corypheus fuck was, and now her father. None of this made any sense. And then his voice spoke again, “I can do nothing about the warden’s use of demons in the place, but I will help. No one will say my magic released evil into the world.”

“Who the fuck is that?” Isabela snapped, her eyes looking around wildly.

“It’s..it’s my father…” Marian pressed her lips together in confusion. “Come on, I want to figure this out.”

The next door the exited through led out to a bridge. There was a man searching through a pile of rubble on the far side of it and Marian halted her party. He rushed towards them and she could instantly recognize his Grey Warden armor. His was tall and from the looks of his hollowed face very thin. Small patches of hair were missing from his head, like they had been ripped out.

“The key! Did they find it? I heard them digging. Looking...looking… but how do you bring the key here?” his voice almost sounded crazed and his eyes shared the same blight glow as all the rest.

“Do you mean this?” Marian showed him the staff she had found, “How is this a key?”

“It is old magic. Magic of the blood. It made the seals and can destroy them.”

“What are you talking about? What seals? Where is Corypheus?”

“Do not say his name!” The man’s reply was instant, “You will wake him! Do not say his name! Not when you hold the key!”

Marian was getting aggravated now. This was all so frustrating. “Right, don’t say his name, got it. They sealed our exit behind us, don’t suppose you know the way out?”

“Maybe we should just go, Hawke. We’re not getting any help here…” Varric started.

“Hawke! You are the blood of the Hawke! I smell the magic on you. But you hold the key to his death. I can show you. Yes, I can show you. The way is down, down and through the heart. You must break the seals. The seals only open for the Hawke.”

Marian’s eyes studied him. Not for a second did she trust this crazed man, but he was her only hope of keeping Carver and her unborn baby alive. “Show me then.” He fingers stayed gripped around her staff, ready to attack.

“When you are ready, we will go.” The crazed warden let a small smile cross his pale face and moved away from the group and towards his make shift camp.

“So, we’re following this lunatic?” Isabela’s voice was a whisper as her eyes rolled. “Right, well this should be exciting.” Her arms crossed her chest as she walked past, making her way towards the camp.

Marian sighed and turned towards Varric and Merrill. “Let’s rest up for a moment. Then we’ll take care of this nug licker Corypheus.” They gave her a small smile and they all made their way towards the camp.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is really long, but I didn't want to cut any of it. Also, I've never personally played this DLC, I actually was going to cut this from the story and just skim over it, but I watched it on youtube and did my best with it. I think it came out pretty well.  
> Cullen will be back within the next three or so chapters. I promise.  
> Hope everyone is enjoying!


	10. Legacy pt. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marian and co. finally face off with Corypheus.

It didn’t take long for them to find the first seal. They were following the crazed Grey Warden when they came across it. Four small pillars surrounded the circle, which raised slightly off the ground. Hawke could feel a lump in her throat as she walked up to it.The seal was radiating mana and she could feel it dancing across her skin, making her body feel alive with magic. When she gave the seal a small zap of magic a crack split through it’s middle, breaking it clean in half. Then she heard the roar.

The rage demon was massive. It’s an entire body gave off angry heat and Marian countered with a shower of ice crystals above it. The demon howled out, throwing fire at her. She spun away from the beast throwing more ice at its side. Isabela moved in, her blades slashing wildly, and Merrill joined in making ice pour down from the sky. Varric shot the final blow and his arrow shank into the demon’s head before it fell to the floor, dissipating.

“So that was the first one?” Marian brushed hair away from her face as she spoke.

“The magic still holds, after all this time. Give it the key, let the key have its power returned.” The warden’s eyes gazed at the staff.

Marian was certain he was crazy, but when she walked to the center of the cracked seal she could feel magic wash over her. The staff seemed to glow in her hands as it absorbed the energy.

“The blood works. It is good.” A grin spread across his face.

Marian wrinkled her nose, she wanted him to stop talking about her blood, it was starting to get unsettling. “Well, thank you for your help...I’m sorry, I don’t even know your name.”

The warden’s blighted eyes went wide. “My name...my name...it’s been so long. La...Larius. My name was Larius. There was a title, too. I was commander...commander of the grey.” A gasp left his lips as he remembered his past.

“Carver told me about this, you must have reached your calling,” This explained the blight in his eyes, at least he wasn’t drinking darkspawn blood like the fucking carta dwarves.

“Yes, the calling. The songs are louder now. Only death silences them. I am dead but never died.”

Marian pressed her lips together, “I’m sorry, Larius. You were a warden, do you know anything about what these seals have to do with my blood?”

“The magic calls to the blood. Calls to those who hold it. The last to hold it was the Hawke. I was there when he laid the seals. Corypheus calls in the darkness, what waits there?” His voice was almost as whisper as he finished speaking. “Down and in, we go and down in.” Larius mumbled and he started down the stairs.

Varric shot Marian a worried looked and she shrugged her shoulders in reply. Larius was her last concern, if he wanted to try and attack her, she was ready for it. He was the only person who knew anything about this nonsense and she needed him.

They fought through the prison swiftly, taking down genlocks, hurlocks, and abominations as they made their way through the halls. Marian could feel the staff or key, whatever it was, glowing with power as she used it. It’s attacks only grew stronger and soon enough she was slaying genlocks with single blows. When her father’s voice found her a chill shot down her spine. She listened as he explained how he left the circle to use his magic to serve what was best in himself, all she felt was confusion, she didn’t understand the cryptic words he was telling her and suddenly she found herself wishing she would have brought Carver along.

After she had slain a desire demon her father’s voice found her again. “I’ve bought our freedom, Leandra. We can go home now, us and the baby. We’ll be together. I hope it takes after you, love, I would wish this magic upon no one. May they never learn what I’ve done here.” Her brows furrowed in confusion. That couldn’t be right father never looked down upon Marian’s magic, He taught her, he helped her control and master her powers. He loved her and Beth and praised their magical abilities. What had he done? What happened here that he was so ashamed of?

“I’m done here and this mess isn’t following me out,” She started, pressing her lips together, “Let’s go.”

When they came across the next seal Hawke shot her magic at it with haste. When it spilt a pride demon was summoned and began attacking. Her party danced around the demon, taking it down quickly. Once dead, Marian allowed the key staff to absorb its remaining energy.

Larius suddenly reappeared from the shadows. His voice was frantic. “He is waking! He feels us walk where no step goes.”

“Are you talking about Corypheus?”

“Don’t say his name!” His eyes went wide at Marian, “He calls...like an old god...he calls for them to free him, any children with the taint in their blood. “

Hawke’s arms crossed her chest, “What is he? Human, some sort of demon, darkspawn?”

“He is more than human, more than darkspawn. He pierces the veil. When the seals break he shall wake, and then he must die. The song is too loud here, I cannot stay!” Larius whimpered as he ran off, disappearing into the darkness.

“Wait, Larius! No!” She yelled after him. A groan left her lips. Great, just fucking wonderful. There went the fucking guide and now they were lost down here, just fucking perfect. When she turned back to her friends she sighed. “We’re going to keep going. We’ll stay straight and find more seals, eventually come across Corypheus, take his ass down, and then I’m sure we’ll find and exit there. You guys ready?”

Varric was first speak up, “Andraste’s ass, Hawke! This is a whole pile of crap I didn’t sign on for. What the hell is going on?”

“I must admit I am a little unhappy about the current situation as well.” Merrill’s voice was soft and she wouldn’t make eye contact.

When Hawke looked to Isabela, she waited for her complaint. Isabela cocked her eyebrow, “What? I’m enjoying myself. This is fun.”

Hawke’s eyes rolled, “It’ll be fine guys. We took down qunari, what are some little darkspawn and demons? Let’s do this.”

They stayed straight down their path, slaying darkspawn as they came across them. When they found the next seal Hawke opened it and they quickly slayed the demon that was summoned. Hawke stepped to the center of the seal and let her staff absorb the power that remained.

They were crossing a bridge when Larius returned out of nowhere, “He feels the seals breaking, he knows you are close. You must be ready…” His head snapped to the side suddenly, “What’s that?” He almost sounded panicked as he looked around wildly. “No, no, they’re here!”

“Who’s here? The fucking carta? What is going on?”

“No, more dangerous. It’s the Wardens. They listen to him, want to bring him to the light. You must stop them!” He was hurrying off again and that was when Hawke spotted the group of them. There was at least four grey wardens heading towards them, three male, one female.

As soon as the woman spotted her she started towards her, “You. You have the key! And you’ve broken the seals! But how? Are you the one? Are you the child of Malcolm, blood of the Hawke? You must be her. I am Janeka, leader of this unit of Grey Wardens.”

Marian’s eyes studied the woman in front of her. Her eyes were clear bright green, no sign of the blight’s corruption, same for the men who stood with her. “Why are you interested in my father?”

Janeka’s eyes went wide, “You don’t know? Without Malcolm Hawke this prison would’ve fallen down thirty years ago. The Grey Wardens built this prison to hold one of the most power darkspawn we’ve ever encountered. But even the best magic fades, and we need to reinforce the seals. This requires a mage without the darkspawn taint in their blood. You father was the last to perform the ritual.”

Anger pooled in Marian’s stomach, “My father was no blood mage!”

“Special magic is required for the seals. He didn’t seem to mind the demons.”

“So this is why the carta was after me?” Her voice was a hiss.

“I believe so. We need your help, Hawke. Those Wardens were wrong. The one imprisoned is not a threat to humanity. He is our greatest opportunity. He is a darkspawn, yet he can talk, feel, even think. “

Suddenly, Larius had returned. “Corypheus cares nothing for blights! He’s using you!” His voice was hostile as he spoke to Janeka.

“Don’t listen to this creature, he’s half blighted himself,” Janeka snapped in retaliation. “I can use Corypheus’ magic to end the blights. We’ll never have to suffer another one again!”

“No, Janeka! Those Wardens knew. Corypheus is too powerful to be released! She listens to his song. She brought him the carta, she sent them after you!”

Hot anger rushed through Hawke’s veins. She could feel her magic prickling her fingers. “You wanted to try to trick me into using blood magic to release an all powerful darkspawn into the world? Are you that stupid that you’re willing to trust a darkspawn? Do you have the brain of a nug? Do you know who I am? I would never do this.” Her eyes glared at Janeka.

“I will do this with or without you, Hawke.” Janeka pulled her own staff free as she stepped back. Suddenly, there was fire nipping at her feet. Marian gasped as she jumped backwards. There was a wall of fire blazing in front of her, blocking her path to where Janeka was now escaping.

“Come! We must beat them to the seal!” Larius yelled before taking off the opposite way. Marian ran behind him, following on his heels. When they entered the next room he spoke again, “Do not touch anything. The defenses are active. Very dangerous.”

Then she heard heavy footsteps coming from the doorway on the opposite side of the room.

“Those are the ones Janeka wants dead!” There was a group of carta dwarves in front of her now.

“Maker, how many of you are there? I thought I dealt with you already!” Marian flexed her grip on her staff as she spoke.

“We may die here, but we will take you with us!” The dwarf leader reached out to hit one of the vases on the wall. Barriers went up in front of all the doorways. “Pray Corypheus honors our sacrifice!” The dwarves flew towards Hawke’s party with force and she barely had enough time to throw a barrier up in defense. The two groups danced around each other, dodging spells and swords. These dwarves were fast, but Marian and Merrill were faster. Merrill threw fire directly at their feet, pushing them back against a wall while Marian stunned them all. Isabela threw both her knives, hitting two dwarves in chest with her blades and Varric took the last three out with arrows.

“Now we’re trapped!” Larius was yelling again, “Those stupid fools!”

“Calm down,” Marian turned to him, “We’ll figure something out.”

“There’s a way out… I think,” Larius’ voice was distant while he spoke, “A fading memory, but I can see it. The magic flows in streams, the must be joined for the way to open.” He led her two to an orange glowing orb. “This brings forth the stream, this bring down the walls.”

When Marian touched the orb she immediately snapped her hand away. Her fingertips felt like they just touched boiling water. The orb was a magic lock and when a mage touched it it broke and barriers were forced away, but it burned the mage in turn.

“Fuck!” She hissed, rubbing the tips of her fingers. “Are the fucking barriers down?”

“They’re down, Hawke. But I’m pretty sure she’s coming down the hall.” Varric spoke up.

Marian snapped around. Sure enough Janeka was returning with her wardens.

“Did you really think you could stop me, Larius? Look at you. You can barely string two thoughts together.” Janeka’s voice was cold as she spoke.

“You can still pull away! Don’t listen to his song.” Larius was pleading with Janeka now.

“You’re a fool, Larius! You should have died here years ago!” Janeka’s entire body started to glow as she pulled forth her magic, summoning a revenant and four arcane horrors before running away again.

“You’re a fucking coward!” Hawke growled after her before directing her attention to the revenant rushing her direction. She spun out of the way of it’s sword and threw a spell at it. The spell literally dissipated. Then she noticed none of Merrill’s spells were striking him either, nor Varric’s arrows. Her eyes locked on the horrors starting to circle her group.

“Take them out first!” She yelled out, directing her spells towards the one coming towards her. Her magic struck the arcane horror and it wailed out, throwing a spell at her. It struck her shoulder and she clenched her teeth holding back and yelp. She pulled her mana forth and threw a bolt of electricity at it so hard it went clean through and the beast fell to the ground.

Everyone had finished taking down their terror and turned back to the revenant in front of them. It rushed forward, throwing Isabela backwards and into a wall. She let out a pained yelp as she hit the ground. Then Marian started throwing spells wildly at the beast, every spell struck and now the revenant cried out as it was slowly torn down without it’s horrors to protect it.

When the revenant finally fell to the ground Marian ran to Isabela’s side. Isabela was knocked out cold, but still breathing with no troubles. Shaking, Marian's hands found a health potion and pressed it to her lips forcing the liquid into her mouth.

When Isabela’s eyes opened they went wide and she pushed Hawke away from her. “Dammit, Hawke! I told you no elfroot potions! I hate elfroot!” She spat on the ground, trying to wash the taste from her mouth.

“Sorry for trying to help, Bela,” Her voice was teasing as she spoke to her, “You alright?”

“I’m fine. Let's go kill the bitch.” Isabela grabbed her blades from the ground as she stood and they followed Larius to the final seal.

Janeka was on them before they even finished crossing the bridge. “You’re too late, Larius. Give me Hawke and I’ll give you a quick death.” She regarded him coolly.

Larius glared at the woman in front of him. “Enough, Hawke has made her choice, the right one.’

“The right one, or the only one?” A smirk grew across Janeka’s lips, “Malcolm Hawke was not allowed to disagree.”

“What the hell is she talking about, Larius?” Marian snapped her attention towards the Grey Warden standing besides her.

“It is in the past! Malcolm Hawke was hesitant...he had to be persuaded. Being Warden Commander, it was my job.” Larius turned away from Hawke as he finished speaking, “I gave him a choice; Help us or you’ll never see her again.”

“You did what?” Her eyes went wide, “You threatened my mother’s life?” Her magic was playing at her fingers again, begging to be released.

“He came with us! I never decided her fate!”

“That doesn’t excuse it, Larius!”

“See, Hawke,” Janeka started, “You can’t trust anything Larius says.”

Marian turned towards her, glaring. “That does not mean I’m going to support you, Janeka. Releasing that darkspawn onto the world is too dangerous.”

“You can come willingly or not, Hawke,” Janeka pulled her staff free from her shoulders as she spoke, “I just need your blood.”

It only took seconds for Marian to release her anger onto Janeka. Her spell struck the woman’s chest, throwing her across the room. Marian’s attention drew to the other Grey Wardens that were starting to close in on her. Anger pooled deep in her belly and she picked a random target throwing ice at his feet. The Warden almost fell over, but his feet frozen to the ground held him upright. Isabela slipped behind his back stabbing a knife deep into his gut, a pained scream left his lips as his blood began to spill from his body. Merrill had pushed a warden back into a corner with her magic and in turn Varric sniped him down with his arrows.

The only one left was Janeka. She was still crumpled to the floor on the far side of the room. Janeka was awake, barely. Small pained groans were leaving her lips as she tried to get herself up from the floor. In a second Marian was on her. Her hand found Janeka’s throat and tightened around it, holding her in place. Immediately Janeka’s eyes went wide and found Hawke’s. All Hawke could read was fear, this Grey Warden was terrified for her life. She had good reason to be.

“You will suffer for the trouble you've caused me, Janeka. You should know better than to attack me, or my family. Don’t you know who I am? I’ve faced slavers tougher than you and your lot of misfits. You are all a disgrace to the Wardens.” Her grip tightened on Janeka’s throat and Marian could see tears well up in her eyes. “I have friends in the Wardens and I will find you stripped of your title and left in the Deep Roads, I swear it. If you ever think about attacking me or my family again, I will fucking kill you, Janeka.” Her hand pushed the woman away from her and she fell to the ground gasping for air. Hawke looked to her one last time, “Get the fuck out of here, now.” Janeka scrambled to her feet, running away with tears streaming down her cheeks.

Hawke turned her attention to the seal in the middle of the floor. It was the largest one yet and as she walked over to it, Larius fell in step at her side.

“He stirs. Slay him now before his strength comes.” He looked to the staff in her hands, “The key is not strong enough. You must use your blood.”

“Want me to perform blood magic like my father? Fuck you.” Her eyes narrowed towards him.

“The key is not strong enough! You must use your blood! Free him and slay him!”

A blade was shoved towards her hands. Her eyes met it and she gripped it tightly. “If this is a trick, Larius, I swear I will kill you.” With the knife in her hand and the key in the other she moved to the center of the seal. She raised the blade to her forearm, pressing it into her skin. She hesitated for a second. Blood magic was never something she thought she’d find herself doing, but she had come so far. And if she didn’t kill Corypheus now what was to stop someone else from finding this place and attacking later. What if they attacked Carver, or worse, what if they attacked her future child? Her head shook the thoughts away as the blade bit into her skin. cutting the milky white flesh apart. Slowly, her blood trickled down her arm and then it dripped off, falling onto the seal.

The second her blood touched the seal it came to life. Light shot up from it and Marian looked at it quizzically. The staff was drawn to the beam and she could feel her hand pulling towards it slightly. Her hand lifted, letting the staff meet with the beam of light. It seemed to hum in acceptance, that was until it exploding throwing Marian backwards.

A groan left her lips as she pushed herself up. As soon as she spotted her staff on the ground she reached for it, snatching it into her hand. Then her eyes found Varric, Merrill and Isabela, and all of their eyes were focused on the center of the seal, terror spread across their faces.

The first time Marian Hawke saw Corypheus her heart literally stopped in her chest from fear. First off, he was huge, probably twice the size of Marian if not larger. His...it's skin was twisted and pulled in such a way it looked like bones were jutting out all over it’s body. Stone like pieces were growing out from his face and head. If it ever was a human, that was a long time ago and the blight shaped and molded him to be this monster. And for one of the few times in her life, Marian Hawke was genuinely terrified for her life.

“Be this some dream I wake from?” Corypheus spoke and his voice sent a chill down Marian’s spine. “Am I in dwarven lands? Why are their roads so empty? You!” It turned to face Marian and her eyes went wide. “Serve you at the Temple of Dumat? Bring me hence! I must speak to the first acolyte!”

Larius looked to Marian a terrified look on his face. “He’s talking of the Old Gods. Of the Imperium.”

“You are no man!” Corypheus yelled at Larius, “How do you come to be here? Whoever you are you show fealty to any magister of Tevinter. On your knees! All of you!”

Marian’s eyebrows rose. The _thing_ didn’t even know where he was or what year it was. He was speaking of things that were no longer true. “The Free Marches haven’t been part of the Imperium for over six hundred years. “

Corypheus' eyes landed on Marian. “You are what held me. I smell the blood in you.” He turned away from her, speaking to the sky again. “Dumat! Tell me what waking dream is this? We sought the golden light but it was black...corrupt. And then darkness ever since. How long?" His final words were a low growl.

“The Golden City. He’s talking about the magisters that brought the blight. He knows nothing of what happened while the seals held. He slept. He knows nothing of the time that passed. We must kill him now!” Larius was in her ear again.

“You really think he’s one of the original magisters?” Marian could hardly believe it.

“The city was supposed to be golden! It was supposed to be ours!” Corypheus roared, rising up above all of them. “If I cannot leave with you, I will leave though you! I seek the light!”

His first shot hit Marian so hard she flew backwards, slamming into a pillar, A gasp left her lips as she tried to refill her lungs with oxygen. Immediately, her shoulder began screaming in pain and she clenched her teeth down on her lower lip to restrain her cries. It was dislocated and Maker did it hurt. She knew she could fix it and took hold of her injured shoulder, shoving it back in place. Her vision flashed white and she wasn’t sure if she had actually screamed or not. Blinding pain took over her entire body as her shoulder found it’s place in it’s socket.

When her eyes finally opened she saw Isabela struggling against Corypheus. He was cornering her, shooting spells directly at her toes. Merrill was lying on the ground, blood pooling around her head, and Varric was trying to force a health potion down her throat. Hawke's hand found her staff on the ground and she forced herself up, running to Isabela’s aid.

“Hey!” She was screaming for his attention as soon as she stood, “Hey! I’m over here!” She shot a spell, directly hitting him in the back of the head. That drew his attention and he spun around to shoot a spell at Hawke, giving Isabela the perfect chance to throw a smoke bomb and disappear into its clouds.

Marian dodged the spell coming at her and shot back with a blast of electricity. Corypheus roared as the spell struck his chest. Quickly, he shot at her again and she barely had time to conjure a barrier to absorb the magic.

“Hey! You creepy fuck!” Varric was screaming now, shooting multiple arrows out of Bianca at once. Several of them sank into Corypheus’ body causing him to growl in rage and throw a spell at the dwarf. It was going directly towards Varric, who Hawke knew wouldn’t be able to dodge in time. But instead of hitting Varric the spell bounced back off of a barrier Merrill was conjuring around him. Hawke grinned seeing Merrill standing. Her face was caked with blood, but the health potion from Varric had saved her.

Isabela snuck it from the side and her blades found Corypheus’ side, digging into the flesh. She ripped them free and slipped away just barely escaping one of his clawed hands. Hawke and Varric focused their shots on the beast, each hitting him from different sides. Merrill was guarding Isabela, keeping a barrier around her as she slipped in and out, sneakily attacking. Corypheus roared as shots hit him from every angle. Even if he blocked one, two more managed to hit. A roar came from his mouth and he forced his magic forward, blowing all of them away from him.

Hawke’s eyes felt fuzzy when she opened them. Her head hurt and her body sang in pain. Her eyes blinked a few times before she could see clearly. Everyone was on the ground, all barely moving. Corypheus was still in the middle of the room, booming with laughter. No. No. He could not win, she had to stop him.

She pushed herself up with her hands and when she spotted her staff she snatched it from the ground. For a moment, she had to use her staff to steady herself while her head spun. She limped towards him, pulling every bit of strength and mana she had forward. She didn’t know if it would be strong enough, but she had to try. The one advantage she had is that she was coming in from behind and he couldn’t see her. It took everything in her body, but she swung her staff shooting the most powerful spell she had in her body towards the beast.

Corypheus faltered with the spell ripped clean through his chest. He spun around looking at Marian’s beaten and bruised face. “No, no. You cannot defeat me.”

A grin spread across Marian’s lips as she leaned on her staff. “Do you know how many people have said that to me?” Corypheus fell to the ground and she could see the light slip away from his eyes. A pained groan left her lips as she reached for a health potion from her pack. She had done it. Corypheus laid dead at her feet. She should have been happy, maybe even proud of herself, but all she felt was pain in her body. The health potion kept her moving, but did little for her pain.

After a few moments, everyone started to stir. Hawke looked to all of them from her spot on the floor. “Well this shit stain is dead. Everyone ready to go? Health potions are in here.” She forced herself up with her staff and tossed the bag towards Varric.

“You fucking killed him?” Varric’s voice was filled with shock as he took a potion and slid the bag towards Merrill.

“Of course she did. She probably did the crazy blasty spell she does when she gets mad.” Merrill chimed in as she slid the bag towards Isabela.

“Well, I’ve officially had enough excitement for one day.” Isabela took two health potions and tossed the bag back to Marian. “I’m ready to go home.”

“I think we all are.” Marian nodded her head and started limping towards the door.

Larius returned to them when they had made it to the bridge outside. “You did well, Hawke. More than the Grey Wardens of old could accomplish.” He turned and gave her a small smile.

“You sound different now, Larius. Are you okay?”

“I don’t hear the song calling to me anymore. I can think clearly now. Thank you for my freedom. I will make sure the Warden Commander knows of what you did here today. You have found an ally. The prison stands no more. Corypheus is no more. I thank you, Hawke.” Larius turned away from her and began walking off into the distance.

By the time they got back to Kirkwall Marian’s body hurt so bad she thought she might pass out from the pain. The second she stripped her armor off her aching body and slipped into bed she found her eyelids feeling heavy. The day had gone well. Corypheus was slain, everyone was hurt but they would live, and most importantly Carver and her future child was safe. Her hands found her stomach and she stroked it softly as she drifted off into sleep. That night no nightmares came, no dreams came at all, Marian was too exhausted and her mind slipped into darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, another long chapter. I tried and couldn't cut it down. This and pt. 1 took ages to write.  
> Cullen will be back in two chapters or maybe less!


	11. Life Changes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Off to the Inquisition!

After slaying Corypheus Marian’s left settled into somewhat normalcy, well what most people consider normal. It wasn’t normal for Marian at all. Slowly, she began taking less jobs when people wrote to her. Eventually, they stopped writing altogether. Instead of hunting down slavers, she found herself learning how to change diapers and how to take care of a child. 

Varric, Aveline, Isabela and Merrill were at her side for every step of the journey. In the first few months Varric and Isabela helped Hawke paint and ready the spare bedroom for a baby. Merrill had knitted and sewn so many outfits that the baby would never have to wear the same thing twice. Aveline taught Hawke the basics; how to feed it, bathe it, get it to sleep at night. The four of them had never been closer and soon enough they basically became a little family. Marian finally stopped feeling so alone all the time and in time she was even kind of happy.

The pregnancy wasn’t easy for Marian. For the first few months she woke up sick to her stomach every morning and had to rush to the toilet. Even certain smells started making her vomit. When her stomach started to grow, Marian’s body couldn’t handle it. By six months she was having trouble walking around and Varric ordered her to stay in bed until she gave birth. Despite all of Hawke’s arguing Varric won and she found herself stuck in bed majority of the time. After multiple days of Marian complaining and trying to sneak out of bed, Varric moved in to keep an eye on her. The two of them spent most of their days lounging around, playing chess or wicked grace, Varric would write as Hawke read, and sometimes he would tell her stories from his past. Bed rest wasn’t too terrible when she had her best friend at her side.

By the eighth month Marian’s stomach looked ready to explode. Her swollen stomach ballooned out awkwardly from her petite body. Marian could hardly walk around on her own now and Varric or Orana had to assist her with everything. As much as she loved the baby she was carrying, she wanted it out of her fucking body at this point and she was honestly looking forward to giving birth.

When that time came her family was at her side. Hawke was holding Isabela and Aveline’s hands, and they let her squeeze them to death. Merrill wiped sweat from her face with a cool wet rag, whispering words of encouragement with a smile. And between her legs, the only person she trusted enough to deliver her child, was Varric. When the baby came everyone rushed to Varric who was holding it in his arms, well everyone did except for Marian who was stuck in bed desperately trying to see. 

When Varric finally gave her the child she could feel tears well up in her eyes. It was a boy and at this moment he was bright red and wrinkly, but Marian thought he was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen. All she felt was love, she loved her son with all her heart from the moment she knew she was pregnant and now he was here in her arms and she could hardly believe it.

And when the baby opened his eyes to Marian for the first time and small smile spread across her tear stained face. They were the same honey color as his father’s.

Nikolas Hawke was the most beautiful baby in the world, at least Marian thought so. He was a chubby baby and when he grinned two dimples showed in his red cheeks. Nikolas was a happy baby and Marian had little troubles with him. Never in her wildest dreams did Marian Hawke picture herself being a mother, but here she was with her son in her arms and she couldn’t imagine being anywhere else in the world. As Nikolas grew he took strongly after his father. His hair was curly and golden blonde. He even furrowed his brows the same way when he was frustrated about something. If the child was to ever stand next to Cullen it would be obvious Nikolas was his son. 

Marian Hawke hadn’t been this happy in her life since before the blight happened so many years before. She had her beautiful son and her beautiful makeshift family. Everything was perfect for the first time in years and as Nikolas grew and time passed she only grew happier.

But at night, at night things were different. Cullen would come to her every night in her dreams. Marian longed for him even after all these years. Her heart still screamed for him. Deep down in the pit of her body a piece of her was still missing and she knew it would never be filled. But she had Nikolas and that was enough, she still had that piece of him and she’d never let it go. So every morning when she woke with tears staining her cheeks she brushed them away and let the dreams fade from her mind.

Four years had passed when Varric told Hawke he had to leave. Marian screamed at him, begged him not to go, but he wouldn’t listen. He said he had to, some bitch named Cassandra was looking for him and for her. He had lied about where Marian was and agreed to go with Cassandra to see the Divine if they’d leave Hawke alone. Varric was protecting her and Nikolas, even if it meant he had to go. The day he left Marian, Nikolas, Merrill, and Isabela all cried as they said their goodbyes. He promised to write and he promised to send them stories of all his adventures. 

Varric was true to his word. His letters told the story of him leaving with Cassandra to see the Divine, but the Conclave fucking exploded when someone managed to tear open the fucking veil, killing everyone. Everyone except for an elf, an elf stepped out of a tear in the fucking veil and apparently Andraste herself saved her life. The whole thing sounded ridiculous, but when Marian heard news of fade rifts opening all over Thedas she knew it was all true. Then he informed her the Inquisition was starting and Hawke couldn’t believe it. The Inquisition only came together in times of true danger. Then the letters stopped for weeks. There was no word from Varric at all and Marian found herself absolutely terrified. That was until she received a letter from him almost a month later. This letter made her heart stop in her chest.

Corypheus was back.

That was impossible. Fucking impossible. She had personally killed him. When he hit the ground he wasn’t breathing and had a hole in the center of his chest. There was no way Corypheus could be alive.

But Varric’s letters swore he was, as crazy as it sounded. Corypheus had caused the explosion and the Conclave, he killed the divine, opened the fade rifts and tore open a massive one in the sky that would eventually swallow the world. Corypheus attacked Haven where the Inquisition was currently holding up and they barely made it out alive. They almost lost the Herald, but she returned barely alive. They were staying at a place he called Skyhold and he said they were perfectly safe now, trying to find a way to save the world. 

When she read the last part of his letter she almost burst into laughter. They wanted her help. The Inquisition wanted her fucking help. Varric wanted her to come to Skyhold with Nikolas. He even said to bring Merrill and Isabela. The four of them were the only people to ever face Corypheus and live and the Inquisition needed them. Corypheus was years ago though, things were different, Hawke was different. She didn’t go looking for trouble anymore and trouble didn’t chase after her. She was happy with her life, with Nikolas. No, she didn’t want anything to do with any of this, but Varric was her best friend and she couldn’t let him down.

Slipping into her armor felt strange now. It still fit perfectly, but it didn’t feel right anymore. It had been years since she wore it, since she felt the weight of the heavy leather on her shoulders. Even her staff felt strange in her hands. It was the same staff she used when she slayed Corypheus, but it had been so long since she actually used it. After she slung it over her shoulders she looked at her reflection in the mirror. 

More or less she still looked the same as she did four years ago. Her hair was longer now, stopping at the middle of her shoulder blades. Her body was still lean, but it actually had a feminine curve to it now. Her magic still ran strong through her veins, she just hardly used it besides for making colorful sparks dance on his fingers to amuse Nikolas. A sigh left her lips as she turned away from the mirror starting towards the door. 

Isabela, Merrill and Hawke were all packing the cart when Nikolas ran to him mother. Blonde curls fell into his eyes and his thumb was in his mouth. Little arms wrapped around her legs and she could feel him press his face into her.

“I know you’re scared, sweetie.” Her hand found his hair and stroked it softly, “It’ll be okay. We’re going to visit Uncle Varric for a while. It’s going to be fun. He’s missed you.”

Nikolas looked up at her and a smile spread across his face. “I miss Uncle Varric. But why are you dressed like that? You’re not wearing your dresses you look scary, mama.” A frown washed over his features.

Marian’s arms wrapped around her child and she pulled him up into her arms. “I’m dressed like this so I’m safe. You never know what could happen and I have to be able to protect you. Same for Aunt Merrill and Aunt Bela.”

Nikolas’ eyes met hers and his brows furrowed. “Are we gonna be in trouble, mommy?”

Marian laughed, he reminded her so much of Cullen with his expressions. You could always tell how he was feeling because it was clear across his face. “No, honey. We’re not going to be in trouble. It’s just a safety precaution. Now let’s get in the carriage. You can take a nap while we travel, it’s going to be a while.” Nikolas nodded his head in reply and Marian pressed a kiss to his forehead. As she sat in the carriage she held Nikolas on her lap, stroking his hair as he slept. 

By the day the reached the mountains leading up to Skyhold everyone was frustrated. Marian was exhausted, sleeping in the carriage wasn’t easy, and dark purple circles were under her eyes. The wind blew harshly and she groaned. Of course it was freezing, they were in the fucking mountains. 

“Everyone bundle up, it’s cold out there and we have to walk. That means you have to wear pants, Bela.” Isabela glared at Marian and she rolled her eyes, turning her attention to Nikolas. She helped him into his coat and slipped gloves onto his hands. His eyes were wide with fear when he looked to her. “It’s okay, sweetie. I’m going to carry you and the walk should only take an hour. We’ll be fine.” Her lips found his forehead before she slipped a cap over his hair. Nikolas nodded his head slowly and wrapped his arms around Marian’s neck as she picked him up.

The climb up the mountain was not easy at all. Isabela and Merrill were shivering and exhausted from carrying the bags. Marian’s own body was singing in pain. Her arms and hip ached from holding Nikolas for the entire climb. He may have been a toddler but he was at least sixty pounds of weight and after an hour of climbing up a mountain it was starting to take a toll on her body. 

When her eyes saw the towers of Skyhold she wanted to scream with happiness, she would have done it but her lips were numb. The group pushed forward, hurrying across the bridge that led up to the gates. The second the gates opened Varric rushed through. His arms wrapped around Hawke and Nikolas pulling them into a hug.

“I’ve missed you, too, Varric. But we’re all freezing and I would really like to put Nikolas down.” Her voice came off harsher than she meant it to.

Varric replied with a laugh, “Come on. I’ll get you to your rooms.” 

When Varric led them past the gates Hawke finally set Nikolas down. He whined softly, but she took his little hand into her and gave it a small squeeze. Marian’s eyes took in her surroundings as Varric led the way. Skyhold was huge, a little smaller than a town. People were everywhere, there were even shops. 

The first building they came to was a tavern and Hawke groaned. “Really, Varric? We’ve been traveling for days. I’m pretty sure we’re all good on drinks.”

“Bela and Daisy are staying here. You and Little Man are in the guest room in the main part of the castle.”

“This is perfect for me.” Isabela purred as she sauntered into the tavern with her bags, “Varric, let’s catch up later, yeah? You know where I’ll be.”

Merrill eyed the tavern before she spoke. “It’s kind of nice. I like it’s character. I think I’ll like it here.” A smile formed on her lips, “Varric, these are Hawke’s things. I’d like to catch up later, too.” She handed Varric the bags and turned towards the tavern, hurrying after Isabela.

“Come on, Hawke. Let’s get to your room and put little guy to sleep so we can talk.” 

Marian nodded in reply and followed after Varric. For a moment she was certain she heard a familiar voice and her head snapped around, searching. All she found was two men dueling while a group watched around them, but in the distance she could see a head full of golden curls walking the opposite direction. No, that wasn’t possible, it couldn’t be him. Lots of people had blonde hair. She shook the thoughts away as she caught up with Varric.

When they entered Marian’s room her eyes went wide. It was more like a suite than a guest room. They were currently standing in a sitting room and there were two doors on the opposite walls the led to the bedrooms. Nikolas squealed with happiness and ran towards one of the open bedroom doors, throwing himself onto the bed as soon as it was within reach. 

“You need to take a bath before you go to bed, Nikolas.” She smiled as she spoke, following after him.

Nikolas grinned and shook his head in response. He kicked his boots from his feet and tossed his warm clothes to the ground. “No, I’ll take one when I wake up. Please, mama.” His honey eyes pleaded with her as he pouted and Marian could feel herself caving.

“Fine, fine. But first thing in the morning you take a bath.” Her hands found the covers, tucking him in. “Sleep good, okay? I’ll be in the other room if you need me. I love you.” She pressed a kiss to his forehead before blowing out the candle by his bed.

“I love you, mama. Goodnight.” 

Varric was sitting in front of the fireplace when she returned. His eyes found hers and he gave a small smile. “Little Man looks happy. Bela and Daisy look good, too. Same for you, I mean you look like you need to bathe, but good overall. Weird to see you in armor again, Hawke.”

Marian groaned as she pulled her staff from her shoulders, letting it lean against a wall. Her robe came off next and she tossed it on a chair as she sat besides Varric. “It’s weird. I’ve gotten used to wearing dresses. I understand why Bela doesn’t like wearing pants now, they sure are uncomfortable.” She wiggled in her seat as she laughed. Varric laughed softly then a frown took over his face. Marian’s eyebrows furrowed as she spoke, “What’s wrong?”

“I’m sorry for pulling you into this, Hawke.” A sigh left his lips, “I didn’t want to uproot you and Nikolas’ lives, but I don’t know what to fucking do right now. How the hell is he alive? You killed him. I saw his fucking corpse.”

“He’s a fucking Tevinter magister who knows what the hell kind of magic he uses. That’s probably why he came back.” Her shoulders shrugged, “Regardless, Varric, I’m here now. Nikolas, Bela, Merrill, we’re all here. We’ll take care of this.”

Varric nodded his head, “You’re right, Hawke. I’m going to let you take a bath. I’ll be at the tavern if you want to come down later.”

“I’ll probably be there. Nikolas is out for the night. I’ll see you later.” She gave him a small wave as he left.

When Marian first entered her bedroom she gasped. It was massive. The bed could easily sleep four people comfortably. She tossed her bags to the ground and moved out to the balcony. She could see all the way across the mountains. It was absolutely beautiful and right now the Inquisition didn’t seem all that awful. 

Marian headed towards the bathroom, pulling her gear and clothes off along the way. Once warm water filled the tub she slipped inside, sinking into it. A groan left her lips as she relaxed. Several bottles of oil sat on the edge of the tub and her eyes scanned them. The Inquisition certainly pampered their guests. She settled on a oil that smelled of sweet flowers and she washed her body and hair quickly. 

A towel was wrapped around her chest as she returned to her room. The bags were still on the ground and she groaned as she picked her own up. Great she still needed to unpack. It could wait, right now she wanted to drink shitty ale with her best friend. She dumped the bag upside down, spilling the contents all over the bed. Her hands grabbed the first piece of cloth she saw and pulled it over her head.

The dress pooled over Marian she slipped into the sleeves. It fell to her feet, completely covering her legs. The waist and bodice were tight and clung to the curve of her body. The neckline wasn’t too low, but managed to make her breasts visible and the sleeves reached to her wrists. Her hands smoothed the dark purple fabric over her hips. This felt right, this was what she was used to, feminine dresses not clunky armor and leathers. She ran her fingers through her hair, letting it hang free down her back. Once she managed to find a pair of shoes she made her way out the door. 

Even though it was night, the tavern was booming with life. Varric, Merrill and Isabela were all at a table drinking with a large qunari, an elf, a dwarf and a couple humans. Marian made her way towards them, slipping in between patrons as she went. 

“Hawke! You made it!” Varric slid her a glass of ale, “It tastes like piss, be warned.”

“This is the Champion of Kirkwall?” The qunari laughed, “She’s too pretty to fight.” A gasp left his lips as he fell backwards onto the floor, his chair ripped from underneath him. A smirk was playing on Marian’s lips and the qunari rose. “I like her. She’s feisty.”

“Hawke, this is Iron Bull and his troop of misfits.” The qunari and the rest of them all gave Marian a nod.

“I’m Marian Hawke. Call me Hawke.” She slipped into a chair between Varric and Merrill, “Nice to meet you all.”

Iron Bull looked at her, his eyes gazing her over. “So, you’re a badass right? Took down templars and blood mages? Why are you in a dress?”

Marian almost choked on her ale as she started to laugh. “Just because I’m a lady, doesn’t mean I can’t fight. Do I need to pull your chair out again?”

“She’s got you there, boss!” A human sitting next to Bull teased as he punched him in the shoulder. “I’m Krem. I’m this beautiful bastard’s right hand.”

Hawke gave him a smile, “Pleasure, Krem.”

The group fell into a steady rhythm of drinking and telling stories. Varric continuously brought the group to tears with laughter from his wild tales. By the time Marian decided she needed to go to bed it was already well past midnight. 

Varric had offered to walk her, so did Krem, but she drunkenly refused help telling them she could do it herself. And now she was attempting to walk up a flight of stairs. Her feet kept tripping and getting caught in the fabric of her skirt and her hand snatched it up angrily, mumbling obscenities under her breath. 

Finally she made her way up the stairs without falling onto her face. When she was walking down the hall towards her room she heard giggles.

“Stop it!” A woman’s voice was whispering.

“You know you like it.” A male spoke and Marian could hear the giggles again. 

Marian couldn’t help but snicker as she heard the couple. They were probably two young kids sneaking of at night to have a little fun. When Marian turned to corner towards her room she froze in place. The couple was in front of her eyes now and suddenly her stomach felt sick.

Honey eyes met hers and went wide. Instantly, he stepped away from the woman he had backed up against a wall. Marian’s eyes stayed on him. This couldn’t be real, she had to be dreaming.

“Marian?” Cullen’s voice was soft as he stared at her. 

“Marian? As in Marian Hawke?” The female was speaking now.

Marian rushed past them two of them, hurrying towards her room. This wasn’t real. He wasn’t real. She was just drunk and this was all an alcohol induced dream. She could feel footsteps heavy behind her as well as an aggravated scoff. 

When her hands found the doorknob his hands found her shoulder. Her body was spun around to face his. 

“Maker, it is you.” His eyes studied hers, “I never thought I’d see you again.”

“Obviously.” Her voice was cool as she replied, trying to slip out of his grasp. He just had his tongue in someone else’s mouth. Obviously he had moved on in the past four years. Marian understood, but that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt. 

Cullen frowned as she slipped away from him, “Marian, why are you running from me?” His voice was soft and she knew he was hurt.

Her eyes refused to meet his. She wouldn’t allow it. She knew if she looked at him she’d cave and run into his arms. “I’m just a little fucking confused right now, Cullen.” Her arms crossed over her chest.

“I know you are, I am, too. They said Varric was having a friend come to help us, but I never imagined it would be you.” His hands cupped her chin as he pulled her face up to look at him, “I’ve missed you so much. I never stopped thinking about you.”

Marian couldn’t contain a scoff. “Really? You just had your tongue in that woman’s mouth. I find that hard to believe.”

“The Inquisitor, yes, well…” He paused for a second, “We just started seeing each other, Marian. Nothing has happened between us.”

Marian’s brows furrowed. “Right. I’m supposed to believe that? It certainly looked and sounded different.” 

Cullen sighed, “Marian, I swear to you. I’ve laid with no one since I left you.” His thumb drew circles into her cheek, “I can’t believe you’re here.”

Marian could feel herself start to give into him. She wanted nothing more than to reach up slightly and take his lips for the first time in years. After all this time the energy between them was still electric. She had just started moving her face up to his when the door to her suite opened.

“Mommy?” The voice was soft and Marian pushed Cullen away from her as she turned to Nikolas. “Mommy, what’s going on? I heard you talking.” His fists rubbed sleep away from his eyes as he looked to Cullen. “Who’s that?”

“It’s okay, love.” Marian lifted her son up, letting him rest on her hips. “This is Cullen. He’s an old friend of mommy’s. Do you want to introduce yourself?” When Marian looked to Cullen all color had drained from his face. His eyes were locked on the child in Marian’s arms.

“Hi, mister Cullen. I’m Nikolas.” He gave a small wave, “This is my mommy.” Nikolas’ face buried into the crook of Marian’s neck as she held him. 

“It’s...it’s nice to meet you, Nikolas.” Cullen’s voice was shaking as he spoke and when he looked to Marian she couldn’t tell if her was in shock or enraged.

“Let’s go back to bed, little one. Mommy and Cullen need to talk.” Nikolas nodded sleepily as Marian carried him back into the suite. Cullen followed behind them, his face unchanged. “I’ll be right back.” She spoke to him and he barely gave her a nod as she walked into Nikolas’ room to put him to back to sleep.

The second Marian had Nikolas’ door shut Cullen was on her. Her body was pressed back against the wood of the door and his arms were on either side of her body, keeping her in place. She could feel her breathing hitch as her eyes met his.

“That is your son?” Her head nodded slowly in reply, “Who’s his father?”

Marian’s mouth went dry as soon as she heard the question. How was she supposed to explain this to him? Her teeth found her lower lip as her eyes broke his gaze. “You are.” Her voice was barely a whisper as she spoke. 

“Don’t lie to me, Marian…”

Her hands shoved his chest, pushing him away from her. Anger suddenly filled her stomach. “I’m not lying,” Her voice was a low hiss, “When I woke up and you were gone, Varric and Aveline told me I hadn’t bleed and nine months later he was born. I’ve raised him on my own because I couldn’t reach you.’

Cullen stumbled backwards as she pushed him. For a moment he looked angry, then his face went soft. “If...If I would have known, Marian…”

“You would have what? What would you have done, Cullen? You wouldn’t have came back because you didn’t even care enough to wait for me to wake up. And we both know I don’t need your money.”

“Marian, I had no choice.”

“You always have a choice!” She wanted to scream at him. As much as she loved him she was enraged right now. This was a situation she never imagined being in. Everything had been planned; Marian would live the rest of her life raising Nikolas alone and when he asked about his father Marian would tell him he died doing something honorable. But now Cullen was here and everything was changing and she didn’t know what to do. 

“Stop being like that.” Cullen’s hand found hers, “Stop being angry with me.”

Marian’s hand snatched away from his. “Stop touching me! Stop fucking touching me!”

Cullen looked as if she had slapped him across the face as she spoke. His eyes moved away from hers, “I guess things have changed. I don’t know what I expected.”

Her body turned away from his and her arms crossed over her chest. “Four years is a pretty long time, Cullen.”

She could feel his footsteps heading towards the door. “I’m sorry. If I would have known about him, I would’ve tried to do something. I would like to get to know him, he is my son after all, but it’s up to you. I’m sorry for everything, Hawke. I won’t bother you again.” 

When he called her Hawke her heart stopped. Never once after learning her first name did he call her Hawke. Hot tears were stinging her eyes as the door closed behind him. She wanted to run after him, her body was crying for his touch again already and he had barely held her. No, she couldn’t let herself go after him. Things had changed, four years had past, things couldn’t just go back to being how they were before he left. 

Marian made her way to her bedroom. Her heart was crying in her chest. She should have just ran to him and let herself fall into his arms. She should have just gave herself up to him. After all this time she still loved him, she knew she did. But it didn’t matter after she finished business here she was going home to Kirkwall and Cullen would go wherever the Templars or Inquisition sent him. It wasn’t worth it, she would just end up broken again and that could not happen. She had to be strong, she had to be strong for Nikolas. 

But right now in her bed, she could be weak and she let the tears fall from her eyes. Her hands reached for the dark red shirt that was mixed in the pile clothes on the edge of her bed and she pulled it to her face, burying herself in the fabric. After all the years that had past Marian still had his shirt and she weeped into it, wishing he was there with her. And after all the years that had past, Cullen still held Marian’s heart in his hands, holding her to him, she just had to given in to how she truly felt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cullen's back, but first there must be angst!


	12. Together

Marian woke to little hands shaking her shoulder. She groaned softly, not ready to wake up yet, but rolled over to face her son. A bright grin grew across his face as he tangled his arms around her.

“Good morning, Nikolas.” She hugged him close and pressed a small kiss to his cheek.

“Morning, mama.” He kissed her own cheek softly before speaking again. “I’m hungry.”

“Let’s go take a bath, then we’ll go it breakfast, okay?”

“Okay!” He hopped out of the bed, running towards her bathroom.

A soft laugh left her lips as she sat up. Almost instantly she started to feel her head pounding. Great a fucking hangover on today of all days. She sighed softly before rising from bed and pulling her robe over her shoulders. When she entered the bathroom Nikolas already had the water running and was sitting in the tub, splashing with his hands.

“Having fun?” She knelt down besides him and ruffled his hair.

“Mommy! Make the bubbles! Please make bubbles!” His large eyes were practically begging as he pouted.

“Alright, bubbles it is.” Her hands dipped under the water and she let her mana dance off her fingers. Tons of little bubbles rose to the top of the bathwater and giggles erupted from Nikolas’ mouth as he splashed in them. Marian grinned as she watched him play for a few minutes before stopping him. “Come on, let me wash your hair.”

“Noooooo.” A whine left his mouth. Nikolas’ least favorite part of bathtime was hair washing. One time, only once, Marian made a mistake washing his fair and soap got into his eyes. Ever since that one time almost a year ago he always fought when he had to have his hair washed.

“Come on, love. You have to wash it.” He still pouted in protest, his arms crossing his little chest. “How about if you let me wash your hair, I’ll take you to see the horses tomorrow.”

“Horses? There’s horses? I could see horses?” His eyes went wide with excitement.

“Of course, they have lots of horses here, and if you wash your hair I’ll take you to see them.”

“Okay!” Nikolas practically squealed with excitement as he tilted his head back and shut his eyes

Marian washed his hair quickly, making sure not to get any soap in his eyes. When she finished she lifted him from the tub before wrapping a towel around him. “Go get dressed and I’ll get dressed then we’ll go get you some breakfast, okay?” Nikolas smiled in reply before hurrying off towards his bedroom, leaving Marian to get ready.

A sigh left her hips as he left. Yes, she loved her child, but right now when she looked at him all she was Cullen and all she felt was pain in her chest. When she saw her reflection she groaned. Her eyes were red and her hair was a tangled mess atop her head. She splashed her face with warm water, trying to freshen her eyes. It helped a little, but they were still slightly puffy. A brush dragged through her hair as she tried to tame it. When she had managed to tame it her hands twisted it into a braid down the middle of her back. Quickly, she moved back to her room and found clean dress from the pile of clothes she still needed to put away. The dress was similar to the one she wore the night before, except it was made of dark red fabric and it was tighter in the bodice and chest. She slipped into the garment before heading the to sitting room wear Nikolas was waiting for her.

“Ready for breakfast, love?” A smile was on Marian’s lips as Nikolas ran to her. She pulled him up into her arms, letting him rest on her hip.

“You look pretty, mama.” Nikolas pressed a kiss to her cheek.

“Thank you. That’s very nice of you to say.” She smiled warmly at him as she started towards the door.

“Do you think they’ll have porridge, mama? I really want some.”

“I’m sure they’ll have porridge, dear.”

Marian, Nikolas, Isabela and Merrill all sat a large table in the dining room. Nikolas had found his porridge and was happily stuffing his face full, downing it with a glass of milk. Merrill was picking at a muffin of some sort and Isabela was clearly hungover and had her head resting on the table.

“Hawke, are you alright?” Merrill asked picking off a piece of her muffin, “You look upset is all.”

“You do look stressed, kitten. What’s wrong?” Isabela finally lifted her head off the table.

Marian sighed as she looked to the cup of tea in her hands. “It turns out Varric didn’t tell me some things about Skyhold. He happened to leave some very important information out.”

“Oooh, this sounds interesting.” Isabela’s brow cocked as she spoke.

“I ran into someone last night,” Marian’s eyes finally lifted to reach theirs. “Cullen is here.”

Merrill literally choked on the muffin in her mouth and Bela’s eyes went wide.

“You’re fu…” Isabela had to stop herself as she remember Nikolas, “You’re fudging kidding me.”

Marian pressed her lips together as she shook her head.

“Oh my goodness. What happened? Did you kiss him?” Merrill had a smile on her face.

Hawke sighed, “It’s not that simple, Merrill. It’s been so long…”

“It doesn’t matter if it’s true love, Hawke. You loved him, more than you loved Fenris. You were devastated when he left.”

“Look, I found him with some elf girl pressed up against a wall. I think things might be a little more complicated than that.”

“Oh no.” Merrill’s smile faded as she spoke. “I’m sorry, Hawke.”

Marian’s shoulders shrugged, “I’ll talk to you more about it later. I need to go see Varric. Can one of you watch Nikolas for me?”

“I’ll watch him, Bela has plans.”

“Plans?” Marian turned to Isabela who was grinning.

“I have plans to get to know that qunari, better so yes, I imagine I’ll be very busy.” She gave a wink at the end.

Marian’s eyebrows rose in surprise, “Right, that was unexpected. Have fun.” Her attention turned towards Nikolas who was finishing his second bowl of porridge. “I have to go see Uncle Varric for a little bit. I’ll be back in a few hours, okay? We’ll eat dinner together. Aunt Merrill will watch you until then.”

A frown painted his small face. “Mama, I don’t want you to go.”

“I know, love, but I have to. I promise I’ll be back for dinner. Now give me a hug and kiss.” Her arms opened up for him and he nuzzled against her chest. “I love you. Be good for, Aunt Merrill.”

“I will, mama. I love you.”

Marian squeezed him tight and pressed a kiss to the top of his head before standing up. She waved goodbye to them as she walked out of the dining room. Her feet headed down the halls, taking her to Varric’s room. Suddenly, she was angry. That stupid shit knew Cullen was here, he had to, and he didn’t say a thing about it. If she knew Cullen was here that would have changed things. Actually, it probably wouldn’t have, but she still had the right to know exactly what messes she was walking into.

When she reached his door she didn’t even bother knocking. Her hand shoved it open and after she entered she slammed it with force. Her mana was playing on the tips of fingers as her eyes searched for him. The bastard was fucking hiding.

“Dammit, Varric. When I find you I swear I’ll fucking kill you.”

“You won’t kill me, Hawke.”

“Get the fuck out here.”

When the top of his head peaked out from underneath the bed Marian couldn’t hold back a laugh. It was a good hiding spot, probably one of the last places she would look. Varric dusted himself off as he stood up.

“I’m guessing you found out about Curly?” A sigh left his lips as he spoke.

“If Curly is Cullen, then yes I found out.” Her arms crossed her chest, “Why the hell didn’t you tell me, Varric? I ran into him and it was a fucking mess.”

“Hawke, I’m sorry. I knew you wouldn’t come if you knew he was here. I needed you and I didn’t know what to do.”

“You didn’t need to lie to me, Varric. I would just like some warning if I’m showing up somewhere with my son and his long lost father happens to be there.” She gave him a small smile.

“Did he find out?” Varric’s eyes went wide as Marian. When her head nodded Varric gasped. “I’m sorry, Hawke, I’m so sorry. I just thought if you two ran back into each other it would just come together again. I was trying to help. I’m sorry, Hawke, I should have told you.”

Marian sighed softly, “I know you were trying to help, Varric. I just…” She could tears welling in her eyes again, “I don’t know what to do, Varric. He tried to talk to me, but I told him to go away.”

“Why did you tell him to leave?”

“I found him snogging some girl against a wall.” Her nose wrinkled in disgust as she spoke about the night before, “He tried to talk to me after that, had me pressed against a wall, almost kissed, but I couldn’t do it.”

Varric frowned when he saw the tears spill from her cheeks. “I didn’t know he was seeing anyone.”  
“It’s really not even that,” She sniffled her nose as she looked to the ground.

“Then what is it, Hawke? Why did you force him away?”

A groan left her lips, “It’s that once this is over, he’s gone again. He’ll leave, just like he did in Kirkwall, and I’ll be destroyed.” Her voice was shaking as she spoke and she felt pathetic sitting here crying to her best friend about a guy that left her four years prior.

“You don’t know that. He left the Templars and after the Inquisition deals with this bullshit, he’s free to do whatever he wants, Hawke. He’s not bound to anything anymore.”

Marian’s eyes finally met Varric’s, “He left the Templars?”

“Yeah, when the Inquisition said the needed him he resigned from the order.”

There was a small flutter in her chest. Maybe there was hope? Maybe she was just being wishful and praying for something that could never actually happy, but right now she was hopeful. The backs of her hands wiped her cheeks as she looked to Varric. “I need to go see him, I have to try to talk to him.”

“He’s typically training recruits out in the yard, or in his office prepping battle strategies. Ask anyone for the Knight Commander and they’ll point you in his direction. Now go get him, Hawke. And bring me back a happy ending for your story. It’s about time I finished it.” Varric smiled as she made her way to the door.

“I’ll try my best, but no promises. I’ll see you later, then we’ll meet up with your the Inquisitor?”

Varric nodded, “Just come find me after you see him. We’ll worry about everything else later. Go, Hawke!”

Marian’s head nodded and she rushed from Varric’s room and out the door. Her feet carried her towards the main entrance of the castle. Once outside her eyes began searching for him. Skyhold was noisy with life this morning. People were everywhere and now Marian was wondering how she was supposed to find Cullen amongst all these people. As she walked down the stairs her eyes still kept searching. She couldn’t even spot a single soldier amongst all the people and a sigh left her lips. When she heard a voice behind her, she spun around, eyes wide.

“Oi, you look like you’re lost. Need some help?” An elf was standing in front of her now. She was dressed in a short red dress with yellow and black checkered leggings. Her hair was blonde and cropped short. Her eyes studied Marian. “I’ve never seen you around here and I know everyone. Are you new?”

“I’m uh...I’m Varric’s friend, he asked me to come and I did. I just got here last night.” She gave the female elf a small smile and extended her hand, “Marian Hawke.”

The elf’s eyes went wide for a second, “You’re that bloody Hawke he’s always blabbering on about? I always imagined you being all big and tough. How the hell did you kill Coryphfuck in that?”

Marian couldn’t hold back a laugh. “Everyone seems to think that since I wear dresses I must fight in them. I wear armor just like everyone else, I just like being comfortable when not in battle.”

The elf grinned and took Marian’s hand giving it a firm shake. “I’m Sera. Nice to meet you, Hawke. “

“Pleasure, Sera. Look, could you help me with something? I need to find a man named Cullen, I believe he’s Knight Commander.”

Sera cocked an eyebrow at her words. “You know Cullen? Poor you. I just saw him headed towards his office with the Inquisitor. Speaking of Inky, you look like her, I mean besides her ears. She’s an elfy elf,” Her nose wrinkled, “I mean, that’s weird, right? Anyways, he’s staying in that tower, those stairs will lead you up to him.” She pointed as she referenced to the stairs. “I stay at the tavern, so if you ever want to chat, you know where I’ll be.”

“Thank you, Sera. I have friends staying there, I’m sure I’ll see you around.” Marian gave the elf a small smile as she headed towards the stairs. Her heart was flying in her chest. She was actually going to do it, she was actually going to tell him how she had felt for so long. As nervous as she was, she was certain he would run to her and take her in his arms and they would just figure everything out as they went. Suddenly, she realized she was grinning. A big stupid fucking grin head spread across her face as she thought about him.

Once she was standing in front of the door to his office, Marian suddenly felt too anxious to go through with it. What if he turned her away? After all these years, after last night, what if he told her to leave now? No, Cullen couldn’t do that. He never would, not after the way he looked at her last night and not after he found out he had a child. It was now or never, she had this one chance to tell him how she’d always felt.

When she had finally mustered up enough courage to knock on the door her hand fell short of the wood. Giggling. The same giggle she heard last night was coming from inside his room. Her lips pressed together in a straight line. So much for that woman not meaning anything. So much for her stupid plan. Her hand fell to her side and she turned away from the door, starting back towards the stairs. Then she heard his voice, his sweet voice was calling to her.

“Excuse me, did you need something?” When she turned to face him, his eyes went wide. “Oh, Hawke. I’m sorry I didn’t realize it was you.”

Her eyes narrowed as the same woman from last night came walking behind him. Her arms snaked around his waist and Marian could feel jealous anger pooling in her stomach. A glare shot in their direction. “Don’t worry about it. It’s not important anymore. I’ll see you later.”  
She turned on her heel, getting ready to leave the two of them to continue their fun.

“Come on, Cullen. Let’s go back to your room.” Marian could hear the woman speaking behind her back and her stomach felt nauseous all of the sudden.

“No, stop it.” Cullen was protesting. “I need to go talk to her. I’ll come see you later.”

“Seriously? Again? You’re running after her again? Whatever.” The woman was obviously angry and Hawke could hear her feet stomping as she walked away from Cullen. Then she heard heavy footsteps chasing after her.

“Marian, stop. Dammit, Marian, wait a second.” Cullen’s hand grabbed his, pulling her to face him. Honey eyes studied her face, but she couldn’t bring her eyes to meet his. “Why did you come find me? You told me to leave last night, I don’t understand.”

Marian’s words weren’t coming to her. She felt stupid now. Was she just supposed to say she came running here because she loved him still? No, she couldn’t do that not after the night before. His free hand pulled her face up to look at him.

And then she was looking at his face. His stupid, perfect face. The years had hardly changed him. Cullen was still beautiful, with his stupid strong jaw, the stupid scar running through his upper lip, his stupid eyes that made Marian melt when he looked at her in a certain way. After all this time, she still felt drawn to him.

“Marian, talk to me.” His voice was hardly a whisper as he studied her face.

“Cullen, I...I…” She didn’t even know what to say anymore. She was lost for words as she gazed into his eyes. Her focus was gone and all she found herself doing was stumbling over her words as she tried to speak to him. His thumbs starting work a small circles into her cheek and she let her eyes flutter shut as her face leaned into his touch. “I wanted to talk to you.”

“Come, my room. We can talk there.” His hand dropped from her cheek as he led the way back to his room, still clutching her hand in his.

Once in the room he shut the door behind her, then turned his attention towards her. Cullen’s eyes ran over her body hungrily and she found her cheeks flushing. As his hands found her waist and pulled her to him, she suddenly doubted they would be getting much talking done.

“Maker, Marian.” He was pulling her flush to his chest and she could feel her heart stop. Here he was, right in front of her again, and she still couldn’t believe it. His lips were only inches away from hers and she could feel his hot breath hit against them. Suddenly lust was pooling into her stomach. Her lips wanted to taste his, her body wanted to feel his touch again as his fingers explored her body. After all this time, her body still longed for him and she found herself pressing closer to him.

For the first time since Nikolas was born, Marian Hawke felt her whole world stop. Cullen’s lips had found hers and she gave herself over to him. His lips worked slowly with against hers, almost tentatively, but when she began to kiss him back that changed. His hands pulled her as close as he possibly could while his lips pressed harder into hers. Marian let her arms slip around his neck as she parted her lips for him. His tongue slipped past her lips and she could taste him. It was still the same sweet taste she remembered from years before and she found herself groaning against his lips as she savored him.

Cullen took her groan as an invitation for more and slowly his hands began to move up her waist, tracing over the curve of her body. Her fingers tangled into golden curls as his hands found her breasts caressing them gently. She whimpered as he broke the kiss and his lips made their way down her jaw to her neck, leaving a trail of kisses as he moved.

“Maker, I’ve missed you,” His lips were hot against her skin as he moved down and she found herself whimpering as he spoke. Cullen’s hands cupped her cheeks and his face moved back to hers. “I’ve missed you so much, Marian.” His head pressed to her forehead as he stared into her eyes. “I never once stopped thinking about you. Not for a single day. Marian, I swear if I would’ve known about the baby I would have came back to you.”

“I know you would have.” Marian leaned into his touch, “I’ve missed you, too. More than anything, really.”

And then his lips were on hers again, his hands holding her face against his. Marian couldn’t help but smile against his lips as she kissed him again and this time neither of them broke away. Talking could wait. Right now they both needed this. They needed each other. When Cullen kissed her now it wasn’t rough or lustful like it typically was in the past. No, this time it was gentle and actually passionate. Marian lost herself in the kiss, letting his hands wander down her body.

By the time Cullen broke away from her lips the second time Marian was breathless and ready to give herself over to him. “The bed is up the ladder. I mean, if that’s okay…”

Marian nodded in reply and pulled away from him making her way towards the ladder, him on her heels the whole time.

The second they both made it up the ladder, he was on her. His lips found hers, kissing her tenderly as her hands pushed his jacket away from his body and let the fall to the floor. He broke the kiss to pull her dress up over her body, tossing it to the ground before taking her lips to his again. His steps led them backwards and when she fell to the bed a giggle escaped her lips.

“Maker, I’ve missed you.” His eyes scanned over her body. She was naked now except for her smalls and she felt blush cover her cheeks. Cullen moved so his body was hovering over hers. His lips found hers and she let her arms snake around him. Gentle fingers danced over her body and she tried to pull him closer. When her fingers tugged at the bottom of his shirt, he broke the kiss to pull it off his body before pressing himself against her and claiming her mouth again. Her fingers tangled into his hair keeping his lips to hers, and when his hand tugged at her smalls she arched her hips letting the cloth be pulled away from her body.

Marian’s body was singing underneath his touch. His hands explored, taking in every curve of her body, but his lips stayed pressed to hers. Soft whimpers left her lips, breaking into the kiss and she could feel his smile against her lips. She pressed her hips up to his and she could feel _him_ pressing into her thigh. A hand moved down to his leathers, pulling at the strings. She tugged them away and he kicked them to the ground, his smalls following soon after.

They both needed this. After four years of being apart the fire between them was still alive. Even if he ended up leaving, right now Marian wanted all of him. When he moved inside her she moaned into his lips and arched herself up against him. His hands found her hips, holding them flush to his, and he began to move. For the first time, Cullen moved slowly, gently rocking with her hips. Marian clung to his body, letting herself come undone underneath him.

Their lips stayed pressed together until this point and soft moans were leaving both of their mouths. Cullen’s lips broke away first and he let his eyes rest on her face, watching as she came undone underneath him. She was close and he could tell. His slow thrusts began pressing deeper inside her. Marian could feel her toes curl as he moved into her. Nails dug into his shoulders and she wrapped her legs around his hips. Her whole body felt alive, every nerve was on fire and singing with life.

Every thrust was pushing her closer and closer and soon she found herself coming undone, whimpering his name softly. A groan left his lips as she tightened around him and his fingers dug into her hips. Cullen’s eyes stayed on her face, watching as her orgasm ran through her body. He kept pressing into her body, pulling moans from her lips with every gentle thrust. His own breaking point was close and with a few more thrusts he found himself finishing, groaning out her name as he came.

Marian laid beneath him, completely breathless. Her eyes opened slowly and she looked up to him. His own eyes were shut as he tried to catch his breath. When her hand brushed against his cheek they fluttered open to look at her. A small smile formed across his lips and she couldn’t help but return it.

“Maker, Marian,” Cullen’s voice was a whisper as he pressed a quick kiss to her lips, “I can’t believe you’re really here.” His hand went to cup her cheek and his thumb brushed against her skin. “I never thought I’d see you again.”

“I’m here.” She leaned into his touch, smiling at him.

Cullen moved so he was laying besides her now. His arms pulled her to him and slipped around her waist. “I know, I just can’t believe it. You’re here, and after all this time you came back to me.”

“Don’t think that I’m all yours now.” Her voice was teasing as smirk played on her lips.

“Oh, but you are,” A chuckle left his mouth, “We both know you’re mine and you always will be.”

“Go ahead and tell yourself that, if you like. I don’t care.”

“You’re so mean.” A smile stayed on his face as he spoke. “Where is our son?”

Marian’s heart fluttered as he spoke. He called Nikolas his son, which was something she thought she’d never hear. “Nikolas is with Merrill. She’s watching him while I take care of some things.”

“Do you have anything else you need to do?”

“I’m supposed to go see Varric later. We’re meeting the Inquisitor. That should be pretty awkward now, seeing as you left her twice to be with me.”

Cullen pressed his lips together, “Yes, that’ll definitely make things a little tense. I’ll talk to her at some point, try to break things off.”

“You had better. I’m not going to be the other woman.” Her finger poked his chest as she teased him. His hand caught hers and it held it gently pressing a kiss to the back of it, causing a wide smile to spread across her lips. “I’m meeting Nikolas for dinner as well. I was going to go to the tavern later, unless you’d like to see each other.”

“I’d like to see you for a little while longer, if I could, and Nikolas really. I still can’t believe I’m a father. I could hardly sleep last night between thinking of you and him. I want to know him, I want him to know who I really am.”

Marian was slightly astounded. The night before he learned he had been a father for the past four years, he just never knew, and already he wanted to be there apart of Nikolas’ life. She never thought the day Nikolas would meet his father would actually come.

“Of course. We can go see him now, if you’d like.” Marian smiled as she spoke.  
“I’d like that a lot actually. I can slip away from work for a couple more hours.” Cullen rose from the bed quickly, moving towards his clothes.

Marian followed in suit, grabbing her smalls and slipping them up her legs. Her hands found her dress and she slipped it over her head before moving towards the mirror near his bed. Of course, her hair was a disaster and she pulled the braid loose, running her fingers through it. As she was rebraiding it Cullen slipped behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist.

“You are so beautiful. You’re still so beautiful, if not more, after all this time.” His lips pressed to her cheek for a moment and a smile formed on her lips. “I like the dresses, by the way. They suit you better than leathers.”

“You just like looking at my chest.” She teased as she finished her hair.

“That may or may not be the reason. Are you ready to go?”

Marian nodded and made her way towards the ladder, climbing down. Cullen followed after her and once he stood besides her he offered her his hand. She took it into her own happily and laced her fingers between his, making their way out the door together.

Never did Marian dream this day would come, but here she was holding hands with Cullen after four years of being apart. They were going to see their son together, for the first time ever they were going to spend time with their son _together_. A smile was bright on her face as she walked through the courtyard, hand-in-hand with Cullen. Many people eyed the couple as they walked, some even whispered, but Marian didn’t care. They didn’t have to hide it now, everyone could know they were together and it didn’t even matter, no one could do a damn thing about it. All she felt was happiness and that little hole in the pit of her body finally started to feel full.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Couldn't keep them apart any longer. :') Maybe it'll be angsty again later, but for now fluff.


	13. Back to Work

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen spends time with Nikolas. Marian officially meets the Inquisitor.

When Cullen and Marian finally found Merrill and Nikolas they were playing together in the garden. Nikolas was squealing as he ran from Merrill, who was chasing him and threatening him with tickles. As soon as he saw his mother he darted towards her legs, hiding behind her skirt.

“Mama, help!” Giggles were continuing to escape his mouth as he hid.

Marian’s hand found the top of his head and ruffled his hair. “Did you two have fun? We’re you good?”

“We had lots of fun. We made paintings and we played tag. I missed you, though, mama.” NIkolas moved so she could pick him up and she happily took him up into her arms.

“Thank you for watching him,” She turned her attention to Merrill, “I’ve got it for a couple hours, but can you watch him while I go see Varric? I’ve got to meet the Inquisitor about this Corypheus junk.

Merrill nodded her head, “Of course, Hawke. I’ll be at your room in about two hours?”

“Thank you, Merrill.”

“You’re welcome.” Her large green eyes turned to Cullen, “I see you two did some talking? That’s wonderful news. I knew it would work out, I just knew it.” A large smile spread across her lips, “May Sylaise bless the two of you. It was nice to see you again, Cullen. I’m sure I’ll see you later. Goodbye, Da’len. I’ll see you later.” Her hand ruffled Nikola’s hair before she headed towards the door.

When Merrill left Marian turned her attention back to Cullen. “Nikolas, would you like to say hello to Mister Cullen again? You met him last right, remember?”

Nikolas nodded his head and grinned towards his father. “Hello again, Mister Cullen.”

A small smile formed on Cullen’s lips as he looked towards Nikolas. Marian watched as his eyes studied the little boys, taking in all of his features. “Hello again, Nikolas.” His voice was shaky as he spoke and Marian could tell he was nervous. Of course he was nervous, he was actually meeting his son for the first time.

Marian placed Nikolas to the ground and he smiled up at his mother. “How about you go play? Cullen and I will sit here and watch you.” Nikolas nodded his head, running away to a grassy area where his toys sat. Marian let her hand find Cullen’s again as she led him to a nearby bench that kept Nikolas well in their view. She let herself sit and her hand patted the spot besides her, motioning for him to sit next to her. Cullen happily moved to the free space besides her and her head fell to his shoulder. They stayed that way for a while, in silence, just enjoying each other’s company.

“He’s so beautiful.” Cullen’s voice was soft when he spoke.

Marian knew he was talking about Nikolas and she let her eyes find her son. He was still playing in the grass with his toys, a bright grin on his face showing his dimples. The sunlight was catching his hair in its rays and it was practically shimmering gold in the light. He was a truly a beautiful child.

“He takes after you, obviously. He’s always looked just like you.” Marian’s hand found his and she laced her fingers between his. “He even makes the same expressions as you. If anyone saw the two of together they’d know immediately.” She could feel his hand tense in hers and her brows furrowed as she moved to look at him. Cullen’s lips were pressed together in a straight line, but his eyes refused to meet hers. “What’s wrong?”

“I...I just...I never expected this. You’re here. He’s here. I’m a father. It’s all so overwhelming really.”

Marian felt the smile she had been wearing fade from her face. “So what are you saying?”

“Am I…” His eyes finally moved up to meet hers, “Am I good enough? For you...for him? I never expected this, I don’t know how to be a father. I don’t know how to be a partner.”

“We’ll figure it out as we go, Cullen. You’re taking an interest in him, spending time with him. When you’re ready we’ll tell him the truth.” Her hand gave his a gentle squeeze. “You’re trying, that’s what matters.”

Cullen’s hand found her face, cupping her cheek gently. “Maker, you’re so beautiful. I still can’t believe you’re here with me. I’m so lucky to have you and our beautiful child. May I join you for dinner? I’d like to see him again.”

“Of course you can. I’m sure he’d love to have someone besides for me to talk to. Will I be seeing you again later?” Her voice was slightly flirtatious as she finished speaking causing him to grin.

“I’ll come by your suite later this evening, after you’ve put him to bed.” His thumb brushed against her lower lip as he spoke. “Maker, I’ve missed you.” Lust was pooling in his eyes when he looked back to her eyes.

Marian could feel herself go hot under his gaze. The way he was looking at her right now, like he wanted to ravage her on the spot, was driving her wild and when his lips met hers she couldn’t hold back a groan. He kissed her hard, but very reserved due to the wandering eyes. She could feel him restraining himself as his hands cupped either side of her face. Cullen only broke away when they heard a gasp.

“Eww, mommy. Why is he kissing you like that?” Nikolas was standing in front of them with his nose wrinkled. His brows were furrowed in confusion as he looked at the man holding his mother’s face between his hands.

Cullen’s hands quickly moved from her face and Marian could see his cheeks go red as he looked away from Nikolas’ gaze. Marian’s eyes were wide when she looked to her son.

“Well...uhm..you see,” She was stumbling over her words as she tried to explain the situation to a four year old. “You see, Nikolas, Cullen and I have been close friends for a very long time. We really care about each other and sometimes when you feel that way towards someone you give them kisses.”

“Like when you kiss me? But you kiss me cuz you love me. Do you love him, mama?”

Marian was lost for words now. Did she love Cullen? Yes, she knew for certain she loved him, she had loved him for four long years now. But she wasn’t sure if she wanted him to know that yet, that could change things between them and she liked how things were heading right now.

“Cullen is a very dear to me, Nikolas, and I care about him very much.”

Nikolas’ eyes moved back to Cullen and his nose wrinkled up again. “You better be nice to my mama, Mister Cullen.” He was trying his hardest to make his childish voice sound serious as he spoke.

“I...I…” Even Cullen was stumbling over his words now, “I promise I’ll be nice to your mother.”

Nikolas looked back to his mother, still frowning. “I want to take a nap. I’m sleepy.”

“You do seem a little grumpy. Come on,” Marian rose quickly, holding her arms open for him, “Let’s go nap.” Nikolas ran to her arms and she pulled him up to her hip. She turned her attention back to Cullen, offering him her free hand. “Walk with me? Merrill should be ready to watch him soon, and then I’m going to see Varric on the battlements. I’m passing by your office anyways.”

“I’ll go grab his toys, hold on.” Cullen flashed her a small smile before running off to gather the couple toys Nikolas had with him.

When he returned his hand found hers and their fingers laced together as they began walking towards the castle. It was almost as if they were a family. Nikolas, their beautiful son was sleeping peacefully in his mother’s arms, while his parents strolled happily together, hand-in-hand. Marian didn’t even care as countless people stopped to stare at the two of them. She held her head high with a bright smile on her face a she carried her son and held hands with his father. Cullen didn’t seem to care either because his hand stayed tight in hers and his own smile never faded from his lips.

By the time they reached Hawke’s bedroom door Nikolas was fast asleep in her arms. Cullen got the door for her and followed as she headed towards Nikolas’ room. When she laid him in bed and began undoing the laces of his boots, Cullen’s eyes watched her attentively. He continued to watch as she pulled the blankets up over his small body, tucking him in gently. After she pressed a kiss to his forehead the two of them left the room, quietly shutting the door behind them.

When Marian looked to Cullen again he was grinning. She cocked her brow as she spoke to him. “What are you smiling at?”

His hands found her hips and pulled her body to his. “You’re so wonderful with him. You’re so gentle. I never planned on having a child, but I’m glad it was with you. He’s lucky to have a wonderful mother.”

Marian felt her cheeks flush as she looked away from him. One of his hands moved up to her face and cupped her chin, pulling her up to look at him. His eyes were locked on hers and she could feel her heart quicken as he stared at her. Her teeth found her lower lip as her breathing hitched. When his eyes caught her lower lip that same look of lust he had early rushed back into his eyes.

In a second his lips were on hers and he was backing her against the wall. The moment her back pressed into the stone his body was pressed flush against hers. His lips claimed her mouth, forcing his tongue past her lips. A soft groan left her lips as she let her fingers tangle into his golden curls, holding his mouth to hers. The moment his hand began pulling up the fabric of her dress she broke away from this kiss.

“What are you doing?”

Cullen pushed the fabric up to her thighs as his hand slipped underneath. His lips found her collarbone and he trailed soft kisses against her skin. Marian was trying to resist, but when his fingers pressed to the center of her thighs she let out a soft moan.

“Cullen, stop. We can’t.” His fingers were slipping past her smalls as she spoke.

“Why not? He’s asleep. Besides, we have time before Merrill gets her.” Lips continued their trail down her chest as fingers began to tease. “Besides you don’t seem like you want to stop.” His finger pressed to her entrance easily slipping inside, pulling a soft groan from her lips. Slowly, he began working his finger in and out of her gently pulling her towards her orgasm. By the time his fingers were about to bring her undone he ripped them away, leaving her breathless and confused.

“Wha? Why’d you..”

“Bedroom. Now.” It was a demand and when her eyes met his hunger was all she saw.

Marian didn’t know what it was about it when he ordered her to the bedroom, but she wanted to throw herself at him and let him ravage her right then and there. Instead, she bit her lower lip staring at him for a second before hurrying towards her bedroom. He followed on her heels, locking the bedroom door behind them.

Once inside his hands grabbed her from behind. He moved her to the bed, pushing her down so her chest was flush against the blanket but her backside was still up in the air. Cullen’s hand found the skirt of her dress and pulled it up to her hips before ripping her smalls down to her ankles. For a moment he wasn’t touching her and Marian found herself whimpering softly, begging for the feeling of him against her skin.

“Hush, you’ll get what you want.”

Marian could feel him standing behind her. His hand pressed against each of her thighs, spreading her legs open, as he placed himself between them. When his hands found her hips he pulled her back against him and she could feel him pressing hard against her entrance. Slowly, he pressed into her a groan leaving his lips. For a moment he let her adjust and then he began to move.

This wasn’t slow, this wasn’t gentle. No, this was raw, this dirty. This wasn’t the passionate act they shared earlier, this was pure lust. There was absolutely nothing romantic about it, this was pure carnal instinct, and she let him claim her body.

His thrusts were hard and rough as he moved inside her. Marian’s face was pressed into the blankets, muffled moans escaping her lips every time her moved. Cullen’s hands stayed on her hips, pulling them back to meet his thrusts so he rocked deeper inside her. Her body was singing and she could feel herself coming undone with each thrust pulling her closer.

The blankets muffled her screams as she came, her body tightening around his length. A groan left his lips in response and he found himself digging his fingers into her hips. He gripped onto her body, pressing himself as deep as he could into her sweet core as he finished.

A whimper left her lips as he pulled out of her. When she looked back he was tugging up his leathers. His attention turned towards her and he knelt down pulling her smalls up, but stopped short at her thighs.

“Maker. Has your ass gotten bigger?”

“Excuse me?” Marian’s face went red as she glared in his direction.  
“It’s glorious. I don’t remember it being this big before.” His hand found her backside, giving it a slap. A yelp left her lips in surprise. “It’s definitely gotten bigger.” Finally, he pulled her smalls up and tugged her skirt back over her legs.

They were just in time because just as Marian rose upright and was straightening her dress they heard a knock on the door. Perfect timing. Marian’s hands brushed over her hair, trying to tame it. When she looked to Cullen her gave her a nod and she moved from the bedroom and towards the door.

“Hello, Hawke.” Merrill gave her a small smile.

“Hello, Merrill. Nikolas is napping and will probably be out for a while.” Marian stepped aside, letting her come in.

“Hawke, are you okay?” Merrill’s face was concerned as she looked to her. “Your face is flushed and you look like you’re sweating. Do you have a fever? Are you ill?”

When Cullen made his way from the bedroom Merrill’s large eyes went even wider than normal. Marian felt her face blush as she looked to the floor. Great, now she was even more red and Merrill knew she and Cullen had been fucking only minutes before.

“Merrill, nice to see you again. Thank you for watching, Nikolas. From both of us.” Cullen strolled towards Marian, letting his hand rest on the small of her back when he stood besides her.

“Right...uhm…” Merrill was still and shock and could hardly speak, “I’m glad you two are...having fun with your free time.”

“We’ll see you later, Merrill.” Hawke wanted to escape this situation and she hurried towards the door.

“Goodbye, Merrill.” Cullen was on Marian’s heels as he followed behind her.

When the door shut Marian started down the hall, Cullen was at her side with his arm around her waist.

“You know, I don’t think Merrill will ever look at either of us the same way again.”

A laugh left Cullen’s lips as Marian spoke. “I’m sure she’ll forget about it...someday.”

The two of them walked together towards his room. His arm was tight around her waist and she happily kept her body pressed against his. When they reached the room he pulled the door open, letting her inside.

“So I’ll see you in a few hours at dinner?” Marian smiled as she looked to him.

“Yes, I’ll find you there. Are you going to see Varric now?” Cullen’s hands reached for her and she moved towards him.

“Yeah. Him and the Inquisitor. I’m not looking forward to it, by the way. Should be plenty weird.” She let her body settle into his arms as he held her close.

“It’ll be alright, I’ll talk to her later and try to explain. If she’s mad I’ll tell her to be mad at me.”

Marian scoffed softly, “I’m sure she’ll listen to that. It should be fine though, she does want my help after all.” Her face turned up to look at him, but he was already looking down at her. His lips caught hers softly and he gave her a quick kiss.

“I’ll let you go, I need to go check on the new recruits we’ve picked up.” Cullen walked her towards the door. When they had both stepped outside his hands caught her face, pulling her lips to his. His lips worked tenderly against hers and when he pulled away she was breathless. “I’ll see you this evening. Be safe, Marian.”

She nodded her head slowly as she looked at him. “I promise. I’ll see you later.” She left one last chaste kiss on his lips before she pulled away from him, heading towards where she was meeting Varric.

Marian’s whole body felt alive, a large stupid grin was covering her face. Cullen had found her again and she was just as blissful as the first time they came together. When her eyes spotted Varric she hurried over towards him.

That’s when she first really laid eyes on the Inquisitor. When Sera said she looked like Marian she wasn’t lying. She was obviously an elf and stood a few inches taller than Marian and her eyes were green instead of blue. Her hair was just as long as Marian’s and the both shared the same jet black hue. Her lips shared the same fullness. The Inquisitor's face had a different nose, though, and Marian was fuller in the hips than she was. The two women did look similar, possibly related if the Inquisitor hadn’t been an elf. Marian found herself slightly stunned that this was who Cullen was seeing, she almost looked like she could be Marian’s sister.

“Hawke, good to see you.” Varric was the first to speak, “This is Ayla, the Inquisitor. Ayla, this is Hawke, the Champion of Kirkwall.”

So now the mystery woman had a name. Ayla’s eyes glanced over Hawke, a frown present on her lips. Hawke pressed her lips together. Great, just as awkward as she expected it would be.

“Come on, Varric. You know I don’t use that title much anymore.”

Varric chuckled softly as he flashed her a smile, “Figured you might have some advice for Ayla about Corypheus. We did fight him after all.”

Marian sighed softly. “I’ll help however I can. I don’t know if it’ll be much.”

“Thanks, Hawke.” Varric gave her a nod as he stepped to the side, leaving her talk with Ayla.

Hawke made her way to the edge of the balcony, letting her arms rest on the edge. Her eyes looked over all of Skyhold, taking it in as she waited for Ayla to speak. When she never did, Marian turned towards her. “So? What do you want to know?”

“Varric said you’ve fought Corypheus before.” Ayla’s voice was cool as she spoke to her.

“Fought and killed. The Grey Wardens were holding him and he used his connection to the darkspawn to influence them” A frown formed on her lips at the memory,

“Corypheus got in their heads. He fucked with their minds. Turned them against one another.” Varric had joined back in now and Marian found herself thankful he didn’t leave.

“If Grey Wardens are disappearing like you say they are, it could be him calling to them.” Marian’s eyes looked to Ayla, who looked frustrated.

“Can I free them?”

“I’m not sure. You’d have to find out more.” Marian pressed her lips together as she thought. The only option was Carver. “I have a brother in the Wardens. The last time we wrote he was worried about corruption in the Wardens. I’ve haven’t heard from him since, though.”

“Corypheus would certainly cause corruption.” Varric sighed as he spoke. “When did you last write to Carver?”

Marian shrugged, “A few weeks ago. He always takes a while to write back to me. Last he said they were hiding out in an old smuggler’s cave in Crestwood for a while.”

“If you didn’t know about Corypheus what were you doing there?” Ayla’s voice was almost hostile as she spoke.

“I had people attacking my family because of him, not that it’s any of your business.” Marian’s retort was laced with venom as she snapped back. “Look, you wanted my help, you got it. What more do you want?”

Ayla’s eyes glared at Hawke, anger flaring in them. “You were supposed to kill him and you didn’t. This is your fault. You’re responsible.”  
Marian gasped at her statement. How dare she? Ayla didn’t know her. Marian had risked her life more time than she could even remember at this point and she risked her life to fight and kill Corypheus before. There was no way it was her fault he was alive.

“Excuse me?” Marian’s voice was a low hiss and she could feel her mana playing on her fingertips, begging to be released. “I fucking killed him. He almost killed me and all my friends, but I fucking killed him. There was a whole is his chest when I was finished with him.”

Alya scoffed as her arms crossed over her chest. “You killed him before, yeah? Then you’ll meet me in Crestwood when I go to find this brother of yours.”

Marian laughed at the statement. “Are you ridiculous? You don’t order me around. I have no interest in joining you.”

“No one said you’d join me. You’ll meet me there, travel with your own party and everything. I only need you for the introductions, so there’s no use in you traveling in my party, you’d probably slow me down.”

“Slow you down, yeah? Remind me if I’m slow or not when I beat you and your party to Crestwood.” Hawke’s hands rest on her hips and she could feel anger pooling in her stomach. If this bitch wanted a fight, she’d fucking get one.

“Right. We’ll see. I’ll be leaving tomorrow afternoon. Get a head start if you need one.” Ayla smirked as she turned on her heel, marching away.

When Varric looked to Marian her face was red with anger. Small sparks were literally coming off her fingers as her magic begged to be released.

“What the fuck was that, Hawke?” Varric’s voice was full of shock when he spoke.

“That’s the bitch that Cullen was snogging in the hallway. Apparently she doesn’t like me very much.”

“Well that’s fucking obvious. Ayla’s kind of a bitch, but even that was bad for her. So you’re going to Crestwood?”

Marian instantly felt her stomach drop. Oh yeah, in her heated argument she stupidly agreed to go to fucking Crestwood. Nikolas was going to be so upset. Cullen was going to be pissed. A groan left her lips.

“Tell Merrill and Bela to be ready to head out by midday tomorrow. You’re coming with me, too. That nug licker can fuck herself if she thinks you’re _not_ coming with me.”

Varric sighed softly. “Dammit, Hawke. Why do you always have to accept a challenge? First qunari, then templars and blood mages, now the fucking Inquisitor? Can you even fight anymore? You haven’t gone out in years. Andraste’s ass, Hawke.” A groan left his lips, “I’m going to find Daisy and Bela. You should probably go tell Nikolas and Cullen.”

Marian’s stomach dropped again as he finished speaking and her mind went to Nikolas again. Poor Nikolas, he was going to be so sad and so scared without her. He literally had no one here he knew. Instantly she knew she couldn’t take Merrill with her. Merrill got along best with Nikolas and was probably the only one willing to watch him for such a long period of time. Now she was down a person in her party, fucking brilliant.

A sigh left her lips and pressed the palms of her hands into her eyes. The day had been going so well and she went and fucked it by making one angry decision. Now Cullen was going to be enraged and Nikolas was going to be very upset.

It was almost time for dinner and Marian found herself chewing on her lower lip anxiously. Her feet slowly carried her down the steps and towards the main building of the castle. She tried desperately to push the worry away from her mind. She was going to tell them, it just wasn’t going to be at dinner in a hall full of people.

When Marian entered the dining hall she headed towards the same table they sat at this morning. Merrill and Nikolas were already sitting down eating. Bela was a few tables over, running her fingers along Bull’s arm as she desperately pressed herself to him, and Cullen was nowhere to be seen. Then an arm snaked around her waist and she gasped.

“Hello.” Cullen stood besides her now. “How did the meeting go?”

Marian groaned softly and a frown formed on her lips, “We’ll talk about it later.”

“That bad, huh? I can tell you’re in a bad mood. Maybe, I can help.”

His hand found her chin and lifted her face up to his. Then, in front of the entire dining hall, he placed a sweet, gentle kiss to her lips. Whispers erupted around them, but Marian didn’t care. She could feel her body relaxing as his lips worked with hers and as his thumb stroked her cheek. When his lips left hers the stupid grin she had been wearing so much today had reappeared on her face.

“I’ll go get us food, then I’ll meet you at the table.” Cullen pressed one last chaste kiss to her lips before heading off towards the food.

When Marian slipped onto the bench besides Nikolas he giggled happily and moved so he was sitting right besides her.

“Hi, love.” She pressed a quick kiss to his head. “Did you have a good nap?”

“Yeah, I did.” He nodded his head happily, “And when I woke up Aunt Merrill told me stories!”

“That sounds like a lovely time, I’m glad you had fun. Eat your dinner now.” Marian’s eyes met Merrill’s quickly, “Go find Varric now. He has to tell you something, but tell him you’re not going and I said he has to find someone to replace you.” Her voice was hushed as she spoke.

Merrill’s head tilted to the side in confusion, “What? I don’t understand.”

Marian groaned. “Come on, Merrill. Go find Varric. He’s going to tell you something. Tell him I said you are not going, I need you to stay here. Tell him to find someone else. Go now, this is important.”

“Got it!” Merrill nodded her head and hurried off out of the dining hall.

“What was that, mama?” Nikolas’ eyes looked up to her and his face was clearly puzzled.

“Nothing, love. Eat your dinner before it goes cold. Make sure to get the vegetables.” Marian ruffled his hair lightly as she encouraged him to clean his plate. Nikolas groaned as he went back to his food, pouting as he ate a steamed carrot. When Cullen returned he had a plate in each hand. He placed one in front of Marian flashing her a smile, before slipping into his own spot at the table across from her and Nikolas.

The three of them ate together, mostly in silence. The only occasional conversation was Cullen asking Nikolas questions. Everytime Cullen tried to speak to his son Nikolas was would look to him with large eyes and Cullen would nervously start to fumble over his own words. Marian gave him a small smile when she could, trying to encourage to him to keep trying. In reality, Marian was in her own little world, trying to figure out how she was going to explain the situation she had put herself in to Cullen. Regardless of what she said, she knew he was going to be upset.

By the time the three of them finished it was moving into the evening. Nikolas let out a small yawn as Marian scooped him up into her arms. Cullen moved immediately to her side, placing his hand at the small of her back, guiding them back to their room. Marian stayed close to him, as he guided her, ignoring the gazes that landed on the three of them as they passed by.

When they reached the suite and Marian placed Nikolas to the floor he looked up to his mother with sleepy eyes.

“Go get ready for bed, I’ll come tuck you in in a second.” A smile was on her lips as she spoke to her son. Nikolas gave her a small nod before running away to his bedroom. Her attention turned towards Cullen. He was still standing besides her with a smile painted on his lips. “Do you want to help me tuck him in? You can just watch if you would like.”  
Cullen’s eyes went wide in surprise. It was like he never expected to be asked this question. “I’d...I’d like to watch. I’m not ready to do it myself, but I want to watch you do it.” When he finally replied his voice was soft and slightly shaky.

Marian’s hand grasped his, pulling him towards NIkolas’ bedroom. When they entered Nikolas was in the bed a plush rabbit besides him. His eyes were half closed and soft yawns left his lips as he laid his curls to the pillow. “Sleepy, mama.”

“I know, my love. You’re so sleepy.” Marian moved to his bedside, kissing the top of his head softly. Her hands pulled the blankets tight over his little body. “Sleep well, I’ll see you in the morning. I love you.”

“I love you, mama.” NIkolas’ voice was barely a whisper as he began to slip away to his dreams.

As soon as Cullen and Marian left the room his arms moved to her waist, pulling her to him. His face was burying into her hair as held her in his arms. All she wanted was to enjoy this beautiful moment with him, but no guilt was eating away at the pit of her stomach.

“Cullen,” Her hands pressed to his chest as she pushed away from him. “I need to talk to you.”

Cullen’s brows furrowed as he studied her face, trying to understand what was wrong. Marian sighed softly and let herself take a seat on one of the sofa’s in the room. Her head went to the palm of her hands as she sighed again.

“What’s wrong, Marian?” There was concern in his voice as he sat down next to her.

“I’m leaving.”

“What do you mean you’re leaving? You can’t leave, not now.” His hand found her chin, forcing her to look at him. “Just tell me what’s going on.”

Marian’s eyes tried to break his gaze, but she couldn’t break the hold he had over her. She took a moment to just stare at his face, his beautiful face, his beautiful face that was about to be red with anger when she told him the truth.

“The Inquisitor wants me to meet her in Crestwood,” Her voice was soft as she began to speak, “We kind of got into it. She was insulting me, being rude and all that. When she challenged me to race her and her party to Crestwood, I accepted.”

Instantly it was like the light left Cullen’s eyes. The honey color was glazed over with anger. He kept his eyes locked on her face, not letting her break his gaze. She could feel a lump form in her throat and she tried desperately to swallow it away.

“Why are you going to Crestwood? Have you heard the reports coming out of there? It’s not safe.” His voice was stern as he spoke to her.

“We’re looking for the Grey Wardens. My brother was there when he last wrote me, we’re going to find him.”

“She can’t meet your brother herself? Why do you have to go?”

Marian pressed her lips together in a line. Why did she accept this stupid ruse from Ayla? It was probably because Ayla had the courage to say this was all Hawke’s fault. She dared say that when Hawke went and fought Corypheus, she had failed and he lived. Marian needed to prove Ayla wrong now.

“She’s trying to say this is all my fault. That I caused this. She will not continue to insult my name, Cullen.”

HIs hand dropped from her face as he looked at her. For once, she couldn’t clearly ready his emotions and her teeth caught her lower lip anxiously.

“So, since she was being childish you have to do it, too? Maker, Marian, do you know what’s out there? Do you even realized what you just agreed to?” Cullen’s voice was a mixture of concern and agitation as he spoke to her.

“I’m taking Varric and Isabela with me. Varric’s bringing someone else along, too. Merrill is staying behind to watch Nikolas. I’ll be plenty safe, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“You were supposed to be safe when you fought Meredith and looked what happened!” HIs words had a slight sting to them, causing Marian to flinch in response. “Dammit, Marian. You just came back to me and now you’re leaving to run off into battle?”

Cullen was scared, scared of something happening and her not coming back to him. Marian could read the worry clean across his face and suddenly felt even worse than she already did. Her hand found his, giving it a gentle squeeze. His eyes turned to meet hers and he sighed softly.

“Cullen, I swear, I’ll be back. I’ll be gone for a week tops. Nothing will happen to me, I promise.” Her voice was soft as she tried to comfort him.

Next thing she knew his hands were on her body, pulling her into his lap. His arms snaked around her waist, holding her in place. She let her own arms go to neck, settling into his body. This was what she wanted; perfect blissful moments like this when Cullen held her, she didn’t want to go to fucking Crestwood and fight. But right now she had no choice, she was leaving for Crestwood in the morning.

“I’d like for you to keep an eye on Nikolas while I’m gone, if you wouldn’t mind. Merrill is watching him, but I figured you could maybe steal him for a day and give her a break? She wouldn’t mind and I’m sure he’d love it.”

“Of course. I’ll make sure he’s happy while you’re gone.” His lips pressed a soft kiss to her collarbone.

When he started to rise from the sofa he pulled her up with him. His hands stayed firm on the back of her thighs, holding her up as he moved towards the bedroom. Once inside he gently sat her down on the bed. Her eyes followed as he pushed his jacket off, letting it fall to the ground. His shirt came next, joining the pile of cloth.

“Aren’t you going to get ready for bed?” Cullen’s voice snapped her back into reality and she realized instead of getting ready to sleep she was sitting here eyeing him up as he undressed.

“Sorry, I was enjoying the view.” Her hands tugged her dress off her body, throwing it to join his clothes. She looked to the pile of clothes still sitting on the edge of her bed. Great, still needed to unpack. Her eyes rolled lightly as she pulled a nightgown from the pile, pulling it over her head. The silk clung to her body as she pulled her braid free, letting her hair pool around her shoulders.

When she realized he was watching her now her cheeks went red. His eyes were running over her body, taking her all in. There was no lust in them this time. No, this time when Cullen’s eyes ran over her body there was nothing but admiration shining in them.

“Maker, Marian.” He strolled over to her, letting his arms pull her body to his. “You’re so beautiful.” His lips moved down to catch hers, placing a kiss to them.

This kiss was pure passion, there was nothing rough or hard about it. And when their lips met, Marian felt herself go weak in the knees. He was gentle, holding her body to his. Their lips moved together, dancing with each other’s. When he pulled away and her eyes fluttered up to look to him, he was smiling at her.

“Come on, let’s go to sleep.” His arms guided her towards the bed, pulling the covers down for her to slip in.

She slipped into the bed, pulling the covers up to her chest. Once she had settled in Cullen slipped into his spot behind her. His arms moved to her waist pulling her back flush against his bare chest. She could feel the heat coming off his body and nuzzled back into the warmth, sinking into his chest.

“Goodnight, Cullen.” A soft yawn left her lips as she let her eyes flutter shut.

“Goodnight, my sweet Marian.” His lips pressed gently to her bare shoulder and he left a small kiss on her skin.

After a few minutes of silence Cullen pressed his lips to her shoulder again. His hold tightened around her waist.

“I love you, Marian.” His words were soft, but loud enough for her to hear him. “I’ve always loved you.”

Well, she would have heard them if she was awake. But Marian had already fallen asleep and didn’t stir when he spoke to her. A sigh left Cullen’s lips, but a smile still played on them. Even if she didn’t say it back, he knew the truth, everyone did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little more smut.  
> Also, I'm having Carver be the person they meet from the Grey Wardens because I feel like it'll make the story a lot more interesting.   
> Hope everyone's enjoying!


	14. Corpses, Carver, and Crestwood.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marian and co. leave for Crestwood to find Carver and figure out what's happening to the Grey Wardens.

When Marian’s eyes started to open she groaned softly. There was no warm heat coming from behind her and when she rolled over she saw the bed was empty. Her nose wrinkled as she sat up. Eyes caught the bathroom door, it was closed, she never left the bathroom door closed. Quickly, she rose from bed, stretching her arms high above head before moving towards the bathroom.

When she opened the door warm air instantly cloaked her body. Cullen was in the bathtub, his eyes shut and head resting on the edge. He didn’t even hear when Marian slipped in. A smile played on her lips as she watched him for a moment. Cullen was always beautiful, but like this, completely at peace, he was breathtaking and she found herself gazing at him.

Her hands tugged at her nightgown, pulling it over her head before tossing it to the ground. When he felt the water stir as she entered the tub with him his eyes fluttered open. A smile spread across his face as he saw her.

“Good morning.” Marian settled into water, sitting in between his legs.

“Good morning,” His arms wrapped around her waist as his lips pressed a quick kiss to her hair. “Did you sleep well?”

She nodded her head, “I did, thank you. Did you?”

“The best I’ve slept in years.”

A grin spread across her lips as he spoke. Charming was a good word to describe Cullen. He always said the sweetest things and Marian found her heart faltering in her chest and blushing like a child.

“Just for the record, this is probably one of the best mornings I’ve had in years as well.” His words were whispers into her ear as his fingers trailed down her stomach.

Marian’s body instantly went hot under his touch and she found her hips arching up for him. Whatever effect he had over her she could hardly resist and when his hand dipped down in between thighs a moan escaped from her lips. She could feel him grinning against her hair as his fingers toyed with her. His fingers moved quickly inside her and her body rocked with his hand, pulling him deeper. It didn’t take long for her orgasm to rip through her body and she found herself breathless as she laid back against him, trying to recover.

“Enjoy yourself?” A soft chuckle left his lips as he took a wash rag and ran it over the front her body. Blush spread across her cheeks as he ran the rag over her skin. “Don’t be embarrassed, my dear. I enjoy doing it.”

Never in her life had she felt so vulnerable around anyone. Cullen held her heart in his hands, and she was pretty sure he knew it. For four years she turned away countless suitors trying to woo her, all because none of them would ever be able to have the same effect on her that Cullen did. He was a blazing fire and she was a moth hopelessly drawn to him forever. Marian didn’t care though, not even in the slightest. She was his, ever since he first took her into his arms she was his. Her heart sang the sweet song of his name, Marian loved him, with everything she had she loved him. No, she wasn’t ready to say those three words, but she felt them and she knew she always would.

“Lean back,” Cullen’s voice pulled her from her thoughts, “Let me wash your hair.”

Happily, she obliged and leaned her head back letting her eyes flutter closed. His hands poured warm water over her hair, before working some soap into it. His fingers massaged into her scalp, pulling soft groans from her lips. Once he was done he rinsed the soap clean from her hair and pressed a kiss to her temple.

“Go get dressed. We still need to wake Nikolas and tell him what’s going on.”

A frown formed on her lips as she stepped out of the water, wrapping a towel around her chest. Of course, in her stupid happiness she had forgotten about fucking Crestwood, and she still needed to break the news to her son. Nikolas and her had never been apart for more than a couple days when Marian would travel to meet up with Carver once a year. Now she was going to be gone for at least a week if not longer. Her heart sank in her chest. How could she let herself been stupid enough to get into this mess? A sigh left her lips as she ran her fingers through her hair. It was too late now. She was going to Crestwood, there was nothing she could do about it.

Once she moved into the bedroom her eyes caught the box sitting on a table in the corner. Her eyebrow cocked as she moved towards it. It was quite large, but there was nothing special about it, just a plain brown package.

When her hands pulled it open a gasp left her lips. It was armor, beautiful glittering armor. Despite not wearing armor for years, she could see the quality in the pieces. Her eyes went wide as she pulled it free and another gasp left her lips when she saw exactly what it was. It was a robe, a robe for a mage. It was for her. Her fingers ran over the leather, it was beautiful pure white and she wondered what it was crafted from. Matching boots and gloves still sat in the box and Marian felt herself in shock. Who would have done this? Obviously, it wasn’t a gift from the gracious Inquisitor and she doubted it was Varric.

“Do you like it?”

As soon as she heard Cullen’s voice she spun around. “You did this?”

“Of course. When you fell asleep I went and ordered it to be crafted for you. You’re not going out there unless you’re fully protected, Marian.”

“This is ridiculous, Cullen. How much did this cost you? What’s it even made from?”

“Dragon skin, I believe. The armored parts are dragon bone, as well. The best, obviously.”

“Dragon!?” Marian’s voice was full of shock as she spoke, “This is too much, I can’t accept this.”

“I can’t get my money back, so you might as well.” Cullen gave her a small smile, “It’s not that big of a deal, I get paid well. I want you to be as safe as possible, Marian. Please, you have to understand my concern.” His brows furrowed, “I just got you back, I don’t want anything to happen to you.”

Marian could read the concern drawn across his face. His eyes were resting on the floor now, but she knew they were full of fear. Fear of her getting hurt, fear of her not coming back to him. She laid the armor down on a chair before moving to stand in front of him.

Her fingers found his cheek and she brushed against his skin softly. “It’s a lovely gift, Cullen. Thank you.” Finally, his eyes looked back to meet hers. A small smile played on his lips, but she could still see some of the fear hidden in his eyes. Hiding emotions was not his strong suit. Her free hand found his and she let their fingers intertwine. “Cullen, I promise I’ll be back. I shouldn’t be gone much more than a week. I’ll be fine. I’ve gone up against much stronger things than some monsters from the fade.”

“I don’t doubt your strength, Marian. I doubt your heart.”

“My heart? What is that supposed to mean?” Her brows furrowed in confusion as she looked to him.

“Your heart, exactly what it sounds like. You have such a beautiful heart. You’d do anything to protect those you care about, even if it puts yourself at risk. Do you think I didn’t find out about how you threw yourself at that statue in Kirkwall when it took me down? You would throw yourself in front of anything to protect those you love. That’s what I’m worried about.”

Cullen’s words were true, completely true. She always threw herself in front of danger to protect her friends, even if she could have gotten herself killed in the process, which she almost had multiple times. Back when she ran around Kirkwall with her gang of misfits fighting slavers, blood mages, monsters, you name it, Marian would always be the one Ander’s had to rush to heal afterwards because she would always throw herself in the midst of battle trying to protect everyone else.

A soft sigh left her lips, “I won’t be reckless. I have something I need to come home to now.” She gave his hand a small squeeze as she spoke, “I’ll stay in the back, like I should, let Isabela and Varric get up close and personal. I promise.”

“Thank you. I hope you stick to that.” Cullen pressed a quick kiss to her lips, “We should get dressed and wake Nikolas. I’m assuming you’re leaving this morning?”

Marian gave him a nod and moved to the pile of clothes that still sat on the foot of her bed. Her hands pulled out multiple shirts and pairs of leathers, along with smalls and socks. She grabbed her pack from the floor, shoving the clothing inside except of one pair of everything. Quickly, she dressed herself slipping into the leathers and shirt. When she moved to the armor again her eyes gazed at it.

It was absolutely beautiful and she couldn’t believe she was actually going to wear it out into battle and destroy it. Her hands found the robe and she slipped her arms into the sleeves. The fit was perfect and when she looked to Cullen she saw him smiling.

“As much as I enjoy the dresses, you are certainly a lovely sight in armor.”

“It’s wonderful, Cullen. Thank you.” Marian couldn’t hold back her smile as she spoke to him. Her hands found the boots and gloves next, slipping into them. When she looked into the mirror she couldn’t help but smile. The armor did indeed look beautiful, it fit her body perfectly and she couldn’t help but stare at her own reflection. She still preferred dresses, but if she had to wear armor this was the perfect set for her.

Marian couldn’t help herself when she ran to Cullen and pressed a kiss to his lips. His hands found her hips, holding her to him, as her arms wrapped around his neck. When she pulled away he was smiling at her.

“If you’re going to kiss me life that, I might get you gifts more often.”

“Very funny. Come on, let’s go wake Nikolas.” Her hand tangled in his as she led them out of the bedroom and into the sitting room. Cullen let his hand drop from her and went to a sofa, taking a seat so she could go wake their son.

When Marian opened the door to Nikolas’ room he was already awake. He was sitting on his bed, already dressed, playing with his stuffed rabbit. When his large eyes spotted his mother his brows furrowed.

“Mommy? Why are you dressed like that?” His young voice was full of confusion.

“Come here, love. I need to talk to you.” Her hand reached out for him and he climbed out of bed, moving to her side. When his free hand rested in hers, she led him out to the sitting room. His eyes looked to Cullen for a moment and then back to his mother. When Marian sat down on the sofa across from Cullen she pulled Nikolas into her lap.

“Mama? What’s going on?” Large eyes looked up to her and she felt her heart drop. She was about to break her own child’s heart.

“I have to go on an adventure like in your stories I read you,” She could see tears welling up in his eyes, “I won’t be gone long, love.”

“But why, mama?” Tears were starting to fall down his cheeks.

“Because these people need my help and I can’t let them down, love.” She gave him a weak smile as she held his hand.

“So you’re like the knights in my stories? You’re saving everyone?”

‘Something like that.” Her hand ruffled his hair as a soft laugh escaped her lips. “Mister Cullen and Aunt Merrill are going to watch you while I’m gone. They’ll take care of everything you need and before you know it I’ll be home. You’re gonna be good while I’m gone, right?”

Nikolas gave his mother a small nod. “I’ll be good, mama. I promise.”

“Good. Thank you, love. Go put on your shoes. Mama is leaving soon.”

Nikolas nodded and hurried off towards his bedroom. Marian’s attention turned to Cullen, a small frown on her face.

“It’ll be okay, Marian. “ His voice was soft as his hand reached over to rest on her knee, giving a reassuring squeeze.

Marian nodded her head, blinking back tears. She rose from her own seat on the sofa and headed towards her bedroom. The staff she used to slay Corypheus was leaning in a corner. The moment she grasped it in her hand she could feel her mana pulled forward, playing on her fingertips. It had been so long and right now it was begging to be set free. She slung the staff over her shoulders and grabbed her pack off the bed, sliding it on to her back. When she returned to the living room Nikolas had his shoes on and was standing with Cullen, holding his hand. A weak smile spread to her lips. They looked beautiful together, father and son. How could she be running off and leaving these two behind? Her smile faded to a frown as she gazed at them.

Nikolas ran to her first. The little boy jumped up into his mother’s arms and she happily caught him, holding her son on her hip. Her lips pressed a soft kiss to his forehead. Cullen moved in her direction next, his hand stretched out towards her. Marian’s hand slipped into his and their fingers wound together. This was her family, her perfect family. A faint smile was on her face as she walked to the door, Nikolas in her arms and Cullen’s hand firm in hers.

By the time the three of them made it to the tavern Varric, Isabela, Merrill and the female elf, Sera, she met yesterday were all waiting for her. Marian and Cullen made their way over to the group.

“Hello everyone.” Marian gave them a small smile as she reached them.

“Hey, Hawke. Hello, Curly. How’s it going, Little Man?” Varric was the first to speak, “Hawke, Sera told me you two met yesterday. She was happy to join today.”

“Varric told me about you and Inky goin’ at it. She’s a bitch, all elfy and shite. Love to rub her face init when we beat her to Crestwood.” A grin was on Sera’s face as she spoke.

“Welcome aboard, Sera. Looking forward to it.”

Sera’s eyes then moved to the boy in Marian’s arms, then to Cullen, then her eyes went wide. “So this is why you were looking’ for him yesterday? I’m shocked really. Didn’t think he had it in him.” Cullen’s brows furrowed and a loud laugh left Sera’s lips.

“This is Nikolas. He’s my son.”

“He’s our son.” Cullen emphasized on the word as his arm pulled Marian close.

“Right, well congratulations. He’s a cute little guy.” Sera looked to Nikolas and gave him a wave, “Hello, little one, I’m Sera.”

Nikolas’ little hand waved in her direction. “I’m Nikolas. Nice to meet you.”

“Same to you.” Sera’s attention turned back to Hawke. “Heard we’re going to Crestwood? What’s going on there?”

“Yeah, Hawke. Why are we going to Crestwood?” Isabela finally spoke up and her hands went to her hips. “I want to do something fun, Crestwood is boooooring.” Her voice was a whine near the end.

“We have to go find Carver. We think something’s going on with Grey Warden’s and Corypheus. He might know something. Last time he wrote to me, he said he was staying in Crestwood for a while.”

“Ooooh, Carver? You’re brother is so dreamy. Nevermind, Crestwood will be plenty exciting.” Isabela’s voice was a purr when she spoke now.

“Bela, leave Carver alone.” Hawke shot her a glare, “Besides, what happened with Bull?”

Bela’s shoulders shrugged, “He was fun, but I’m a free woman. Can’t tie me down.” She shot a wink in Hawke’s direction.

Marian rolled her eyes, “Anyways, is everyone ready to go? Crestwood is pretty far, even with horses it should take about two days to get there.”

“Ready at your go, Hawke.” Varric gave her a nod as he spoke.

“Same.” Isabela was next.

“Hell yeah, can’t wait to shove this in Inky’s face.” Sera had a grin on her lips as she spoke.

“You guys go get the horses. I’ll meet you at the gates.”

The three of them gave her a small smile and headed off towards the stables. Marian finally sat Nikolas down and knelt so she could look into his eyes. The second she was gazing at him she felt tears sting the corners of her own.

“You’ll be good for Aunt Merrill and Cullen, won’t you?” Her voice was soft as she spoke to him. “Be a good boy. Practice your reading and writing. I’ll be back soon.” Her arms wrapped around his little body and pulled him to her chest. In her arms she held her whole life. Nikolas meant everything to her and she was about to leave him for a week. Her heart was aching as she held him.

“I promise, mama.” His little arms wrapped around her, “I love you.”

“I love you, Nikolas.” She pressed a small kiss to his forehead, “Now go with Aunt Merrill.”

Nikolas gave her a small nod and ran over to Merrill. She held her hand out and he grasped it in his own. Merrill gave Marian a weak smile as she began to walk away, Nikolas waving goodbye as he walked with her. Cullen’s arm wrapped around her shoulders and she sighed softly.

“It’ll be alright, Marian. I’ll take care of our son. You just make sure to come home to him, come home to me.” His voice was soft as pulled her to face him.

“I promise.” Her eyes met his and she could feel a single tear slip free and fall down her cheek.

“Don’t cry. You’ll be fine. Just stay safe.” His thumb caught the tear and wiped it away from her skin.

“I promise.” She repeated the words and forced a smile towards him.

The next moment his lips found hers. His hand cupped her face, holding her to him. He wasn’t rough, he wasn’t hard, he was gentle, loving even. His thumbs stoked her cheeks as his lips moved slowly with hers. She let herself relax against his chest as her lips melded with his. Whatever she was walking into didn’t matter now, she just had to get home in the end. She had to come home to Nikolas, to Cullen.

When their lips finally parted her sighed softly. “I hate to say this, but go. Go now before my brain starts working again and I stop you.”

“I’m coming back, don’t worry,” She leaned up to him, pressing one last chaste kiss to his lips. “Take care of our son. I’ll see you soon.”

Then Marian turned on her heel, running towards the gate. She had to leave now, if she stayed any longer she wouldn’t be able to bring herself to leave him or their child. When she reached her party they were all at the gate, sitting atop their horses. Marian pulled herself onto her own and looked to her party, they all gave her a small nod, then they were off. Marian was in the lead and Varric, Isabela, and Sera were all riding behind her. Nothing was ahead of them but wilderness. Well, wilderness and probably some sort of fucked up fade monsters.

The two day ride wasn’t too horrible. Yes, Marian’s back and legs were screaming in pain, but Varric, Bela, and Sera were all good company. The four of them chatted for the most of the journey, but anytime there was silence Marian found her mind pulling to Cullen and Nikolas. She missed them, she missed them as soon as she left. Her arms missed holding her child and her body missed the sweet touch of her lover. All she wanted was to be home with them.

“Hawke, how did you and Curly meet?” Varric’s voice caught her attention.

“How did we meet? Looking for shit for your story on me, Varric?” Marian’s voice was teasing as she spoke to him.

“Maybe, but I still want to know. No one has any idea how you, an apostate, managed to not only hook up with, but get knocked up by, a templar knight captain. It’s got to be a good story.”

“Come on, Hawke! I want to know, too!” Isabela was egging on now.

“It’s really not that exciting, guys.”

“Don’t want to tell us how he swept you off your feet, yeah?” Sera had joined in, too.

“There was no sweeping.” Marian sighed loudly, “I knew where he was staying in Kirkwall. I went to his house, we started drinking. I think I started crying about Fenris? I don’t really remember, I was pretty shit faced. At some point he kissed me and it just happened. Literally no romance, it was actually kind of trashy.”

Isabela snorted, “Hawke, that sounds like something I would do!”

“Wait a second, you guys hooked up once and you were both drunk?” Varric sounded confused, “Then why were you head over heels for him? That doesn’t make any sense!”

“I never said that was the only time. The next day he told me he actually liked me and wanted me to come back that night. Well, I did. I don’t know, Varric, it wasn’t a conventional romance. We hooked up, but realized we actually did care about each other? I don’t know. I don’t want to talk about this.” Marian’s nose wrinkled in frustration.

“I hope you don’t mind if I put a romantic twist on that for my book.”

Marian couldn’t help but groan, “Oh, whatever.” Her heels pressed into her horse and she galloped away, leaving them in the dust behind her.

By the time they reached Crestwood, Marian was relieved to get off her horse. Her legs and ass were literally killing her. This was why she didn’t ride on stupid fucking horses. Her hands were rubbing the back of her legs when she actually saw it.

Right over the lake in the center of the sky was a giant tear. It was bright green and Marian could feel like mana radiating from it. So this was a fade rift. She had heard about them, but seeing one in person was a completely different experience. What the hell was Carver doing out here?

“Right, I guess let go to town. Ask if anyone’s seen Grey Wardens. Go from there.”

“Best thing we can do seeing as we don’t know where exactly Carver is here.” Varric sighed softly.

“I don’t like it here. It’s fucking creepy, all foggy and shite. This place is weird.” Sera had pulled her bow down by now, her eyes scanning the area.

“It’ll be fine, Sera. Let’s go guys.” Marian tried to sound confident, but she was just as unnerved as Sera. This place was fucking creepy. A fog seemed to cover the entire town, not to forget the giant fucking rip in the sky. The air even smelled the like death, it wasn’t overwhelming, but if you knew the scent you would instantly be able to pick it up. Marian’s nose wrinkled in response to it invading her nostrils, it smelled like the fucking Blight and she felt sick to her stomach.

They had only been following the path down to town for maybe ten minutes when they saw them. Grey Warden’s. Two of them were surrounded by what looked like corpses and they were slashing wildly trying to get free. Marian darted forward, everyone following after with their weapons at the ready.

As soon as they got close Marian saw the Grey Wardens were actually being overwhelmed by. The things didn’t just look like them, they were actual corpses. They were obviously human, at least they were once. Rotting flesh was hanging from the bodies, decomposing in ribbons. That explained why the air smelled like death, the fucking corpses were up and attacking.

“Move!” Marian’s voice screamed as she shot a ball of ice towards a corpse slashing towards one the Wardens. The spell didn’t freeze it completely, but it stunned it enough for the Warden to ram his sword through the corpse’s middle. The creature let out a howl as it fell to the ground.

Everyone picked their targets, taking them out quickly. Varric and Sera’s arrows flew through the air, picking the corpses off one by one. Marian stayed back with them, letting her magic stun the corpses their arrows missed so Isabela and the Wardens could pick them off with their blades. Soon enough the dead were surrounding their feet. Marian was breathless and her arms hurt. After four years of not fighting she could hardly keep up like she used to. Her arms were already aching, but she could still feel her magic singing in her blood, begging to be released again.

“Thank you,” One of the Grey Wardens began to speak, “If you wouldn’t have helped we would be dead right now.”

“Aye, thanks.” The other continued, “I don’t know what’s going on here, but there’s corpses fucking up and walking around. They’re attacking and fucking killing people in the town. The Inquisitor showed up this morning, she’s down there helping.”

Fucking Ayla. How did she get here so fast? She had to have left earlier than she said, or skipped camp for the night. It didn’t matter now. Carver was supposed to be here somewhere and that’s who Marian was worried about.

“I’m looking for a Grey Warden. Carver. Carver Hawke. He was supposed to be here. He’s my brother.” Marian’s eyes looked to the two Wardens in front of her, praying one of them knew where to find Carver.

“You’re Carver’s sister? Wow, never expected to meet the Champion of Kirkwall.” The first Warden was speaking again now and shock was clear on his face.

“Carver never said his sister was pretty.” The second Warden spoke again, his voice turning flirtatious.

Marian could feel herself become frustrated. There was no time for this nonsense. She just wanted to find her brother and go the fuck home, not hang around this monster infested town. A sigh left her lips as she looked to the pair of them. “Please, I really need to find Carver. Do either of you know where he is? This is important I’m with the Inquisition. “

“Right, Carver and us are hiding out in this old smugglers den by a farm. Here.” The first Warden pulled a folded up piece of parchment from his pocket and shoved it towards Marian. “That’s a map, follow it. You’ll find Carver. He can explain everything that’s going. But be careful. Crestwood is not safe right now. Between the fucking corpses, thugs, and fade rifts around here you never know what to expect. Stay on your guard, Champion.”

“Thank you. Safe travels to you as well.” Marian nodded towards the two Wardens and they nodded back in respect before heading off down the path where she and her part had just came from. Her attention drew to the map in her hands and she quickly unfolded it before letting her eyes scan over. From the looks of it, they were close. Only about an hours walk then they’d find the hideout. Her attention turned back to her party. “We don’t have to walk much farther, only about an hour. Keep your weapons drawn, be ready for anything.”

The walk to the hideout was easy enough. They managed to slip around two separate fade rifts, avoiding drawing the attention of multiple horrors and rage demons that would have put up a hell of a fight. Marian couldn’t resist a grin when she saw Ayla and her party had yet to reach the hideout.

“We’ll wait here for the Inquisitor and her party. Don’t want to rush in without them.” She grinned towards her party pulling laughter from their lips.

“Come on, Hawke. Can’t you play nice?” Varric was teasing her now.

“Hey, she started this. Don’t play with fire if you don’t want to get burned. Look, here they come.” In the distance Marian could make out a party heading their direction. Ayla was in the front, obviously leading, Iron Bull, an elf she didn’t recognize and a human man with a large beard were with her. Even at a distance Marian could hear Ayla bragging about how she had arrived first, oh was she in for a shock. “She hasn’t seen us yet, she thinks she’s first. Smug bitch.”

Marian started making her way down towards Ayla and her party. As much as she tried to restrain herself, a smirk covered her face. The second Ayla laid eyes on her, her eyes filled with rage.

“Inquisitor, good to see you. Nice of you to arrive.” The smirk still played on her lips as she spoke and she could hear Sera and Isabela trying to hold back laughter.

“Very funny, Hawke. Sorry I’m late, I was busy saving the town. You know, actually fighting.” Ayla’s voice was cold as ice.

“Oh, right. I forgot, saving a city from corpses is so difficult. Thank the Maker it wasn’t you know something actually tough like qunari.”Venom laced every word Marian spoke.

“You think you’re so great because you saved bloody Kirkwall. Guess what, Hawke? I’m saving all of Thedas.” Ayla’s hands rest on her hips.

Marian couldn’t help but laugh. “Saving the world, yeah? Guess what? You came to me for help, not the other way around. So if you think you can bloody do this without me, go ahead. See if my brother gives you any information on the Grey Wardens without me, Ayla.” Ayla’s eyes glared at her and she went to speak, but Marian cut her off before she got the chance. “That mark on your hand doesn’t making you fucking special. You’re not the bloody Herald of Andraste. The mark makes you fucking responsible. So how about instead of acting like you’re the Empress of fucking Orlais you start acting like the leader of the fucking Inquisition and treat your allies with some bloody respect before you lose them.”

When Marian finished her rant Ayla’s, as well as everyone else’s, eyes were wide in shock. Marian doubted anyone had ever spoken that way to Ayla in her life, it would certainly explain her attitude, but it’s not like what Marian said wasn’t true. If Ayla continued to act like she was better than everyone the moment she closed that tear in the sky all of her allies would abandon her as she would be no use to them anymore.

“Now, Inquisitor, are you ready to go meet with the Wardens?” Now when Marian spoke, her voice was calm. Her anger had been released and Ayla certainly wouldn’t be challenging her anytime soon. All she wanted to do now was see Carver and go home.

“Let’s go.” Ayla’s voice was soft as she nodded, allowing Marian to lead the way.

The walk up to the hideout was quick. Marian led with Ayla at her heels, their parties fell together behind them. Secretly, Marian was praying this was the right cave. Gang markings covered the walls and if they were in the wrong hideout this was about to get very very bloody. When her fist knocked on the wooden door she recognized the responding voice instantly.

“Who’s there?” It was Carver. She would know her little brother’s voice anyday.

“Carver, it’s me, Marian…” Marian couldn’t even finish speaking before the door ripped open and his arms pulled her in for a hug.

“Oh, Marian!” Carver’s hands grasped her shoulders and he held her out to look at her. “I can’t believe it’s you, you’re actually here! Wait…” The excitement in his voice faded to confusion, “Why are you here?”

“I’m with the Inquisition.” Her hands gestured towards Ayla. “You remember the darkspawn fuck I went after, Corypheus? He’s back, Carver. Grey Wardens have been disappearing. I’m pretty sure he has something to do with it again.”

Carver’s eyes went wide with fear. “The Wardens knew he was back. Warden-Commander Clarel summoned every Grey Warden to meet in Orlais. She said she had some crazy plan to stop the Blight’s once and for all using blood magic and demons. I refused it, me and some other Warden’s flat out refused and she had us exiled. Marian, you said one of the Wardens from when you went after him the first time wanted to use his power to end the Blights...do you think?”

Marian’s head nodded slowly, “Yes, Carver. Corypheus is controlling them. He has to be.”

“I thought you killed him. How is he fucking back?” Ayla’s voice was agitated as she spoke.

“Corypheus isn’t just a darkspawn, Inquisitor. Corypheus is...different. He’s no true Archdemon, but he can sing to the Wardens, he can control all those with the taint. As with an Archdemon, he is not going to be simple to kill.” Carver’s eyebrows furrowed as he spoke and a sigh left his lips. “What are we going to do?”

“Where are the Wardens meeting?” Ayla’s voice was calmer now.

“Some ancient Tevinter ritual tower in the Western Approach. They’re meeting the next time the moon is full.”

“That’s in almost a week. Good.” Ayla turned to Marian, “We need to send word to Skyhold that we’re heading out to the Western Approach. I would appreciate it if your party traveled alongside mine for this journey.”

Marian gave her a nod. “We’ll travel with you. Carver is coming with us, we can use him when we confront the Grey Wardens.”

“Thanks for asking my opinion.” Marian’s eyes narrowed instantly and she shot him a glare. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding.” His hands went up in defense. “I’m sick of this cave anyways.”

The group, now rather large in size, made their way out of the cave and back towards the main town of Crestwood to their horses. They chatted freely amongst each other. Isabela was besides Iron Bull, winking as she bumped her hips against him. Carver was catching up with Varric and Sera was talking to the mystery human Ayla had brought with her. Ayla stayed with the male elf that was part of her party, whispering to him as they walked.

Marian found herself walking alone in the back of the group. Her thoughts slowly began drifting off to Cullen and Nikolas. Her sweet boys, she had promised she’d be back in a little over a week and now she was going to be gone at least two if not longer. When tears stung the corners of her eyes she forced them away. There would be no tears, not outside the safety of her bedroom, no one could see that Marian Hawke was weak and did actually have feelings. The tears kept coming back and she kept forcing them away until that night. That night when they set up camp, after everyone had fallen asleep, Marian let the tears fall down her cheeks as she dreamed about going home to her boys and not having to worry about fucking archdemons or darkspawn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I make Ayla come off as such a bitch. Maybe they'll be friends at some point? I dunno yet. :)  
> Hope everyone's enjoying!


	15. Oh, Grey Warden, What Have You Done?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What actually happened to The Grey Wardens.

The Western Approach was a beautiful lovely place...said no one ever. The only living beings that liked the Western Approach were the disgusting things that lived there. The whole fucking place was sand, as far as the eye could fucking see. Then there was the heat. It was unbearably hot and shade was very rare.

Marian felt like she was melting inside her armor. Her skin was sticking to the leather and it was as if it was cooking her alive. All she wanted to do was take it off and drink some water. The rest of her party looked the same. Everyone was drenched with sweat, Ayla’s pale face was even starting to get sunburnt. 

They were close. So fucking close. Once they reached the Tevinter ruin they would talk some sense into the Grey Wardens and then they could go back to Skyhold. Beautiful, snowy, cold Skyhold. It was almost funny, Marian hated the snow at first but now she was longing for it. Anything would be better than this scorching heat. Nikolas was at Skyhold, too. It had been almost two weeks since she had seen or held her child and she found herself aching for him everyday. Then there was Cullen, her beautiful, sweet, Cullen. She missed him just as much as she missed Nikolas. There had been in ache in her stomach for two long weeks and all she wanted was to hold both of them in her arms. 

“We’re almost there, guys. Just a little longer.” Ayla’s voice called out for all the hear.

That’s when they heard the roar. It was really more like a scream. Loud enough to make your ears ring for hours. Then the shadow came over them and it was fucking huge.

“Oh hell yeah!” Iron Bull roared as he pulled his great axe free from his shoulder. “Fucking dragon!” 

“Holy shit!” Sera stared up at, an almost awestruck look on her face.

“Everyone fucking move!” Marian’s voice rang out and the group scattered, except for Ayla. She stayed still, her eyes locked on the dragon getting ready to land on her. Marian ran towards her, tackling her to the ground before the beast could crush her.

It felt like the entire world shook when the dragon landed where they had just been standing. Hawke and Ayla were only inches away from one of it’s massive clawed feet. Quickly, Marian’s hands grabbed Ayla’s arm, pulling her to her feet and away from the beast. The rest of the party closed in on the dragon, letting the Inquisitor and Hawke escape.

Ayla still wasn’t moving, her eyes were still steady on the dragon that was now attacking her party. It was like she was frozen in fear. Marian’s hands found her shoulders and gave her a slight shake. Ayla’s eyes finally met Hawke’s and the fear in them was obvious. The Inquisitor, the person who was supposed to save everyone, was terrified of a fucking dragon.

“You have to get past it! Don’t listen to it!” Marian yelled so Ayla could hear her over the roars coming from behind them. “Don’t let yourself be afraid of it. They need you!” Her hand referenced to the six people fighting the dragon behind them. Marian’s hand found her staff, pulling it free. “Can you do this?”

The fear faded from Ayla’s eyes and she pulled her sword free from it’s hilt. “Let’s go kill a fucking dragon!” She roared as she took off towards the beast, her sword ready to attack.

Marian took off after her, her own weapon at the ready. She could feel her mana singing in her blood as she rushed towards the dragon. The beast was slashing it’s feet wildly at the people surrounding it’s legs. Carver, Blackwall, Bull, Isabela and Ayla danced around the hits, dodging them with ease. Varric and Sera were at the side, their arrows sinking deep into the dragon’s flesh. Hawke was in the front with an elf named Solas. He was keeping barriers up over the people underneath the dragon. 

Marian was shooting ice towards the beast when she saw her chance. The dragon’s head was just low enough so she could strike it with her magic. She pulled her mana forward, shooting a blast of electricity directly at it’s eyes. The second the magic stuck the dragon roared. It jerked up onto it’s hind feet, getting ready to fly away. That was when Ayla struck. She soared through the air, her sword high above her head. When steel met soft flesh, steel won. Ayla’s blade sank deep into the chest of the dragon and it fell to the ground. Roars continued to leave it’s mouth, but they were pained now and soon began to fade, then the beast moved no more.

“Fucking yes!” Bull was running over to Ayla. “I fucking knew I could throw you high enough!” He pulled her into his arms and lifted her into the air. “We fucking killed a dragon!!!” He kept Ayla high in the sky. Soon enough everyone was cheering for their victory over the beast and praising Ayla on her kill. For a second her eyes met Marian’s and Ayla gave a small thankful smile. Marian gave her a nod in return. They weren’t friends, but that didn’t mean they had to be enemies.

Soon enough they were moving again. Everyone was exhausted now and the sun was finally starting to set. This was Marian’s favorite part of the day, camp. Sera managed to find them a nice spot between a large group of rocks, there was even a small stream nearby. Tents went up quickly and Blackwall got a fire going. Ayla was always the one to cook for the group. It was never much, typically just rabbit or whatever they managed to kill along the way, but it was better than going to bed hungry.

After eating Marian found herself at the stream with her pack of clothes. It wasn’t too big, not even deep enough to go up to her shoulders, but it was water and she felt disgusting. Dirt and blood caked her skin and armor. All her clothes were dirty by now, except for one pair of smalls she was saving for when she got the chance to wash. She didn’t bring enough clothes and she hadn’t actually bathed since they left Crestwood. She just wanted to take a bath, she deserved a bath. This would have to be good enough. Quickly, her hands pulled the armor off her body. A sigh left her lips as she rolled her shoulders. It felt so good to have the heavy weight of her robe off them. Her top and leathers came next, followed by her smalls and breastband.

The water was surprisingly cool, considering they were in a desert, and it Marian sighed as it lapped against her legs. She let herself kneel to the ground, so the water barely brushed against her shoulders. Her eyes shut for a second as she relaxed. It was nice to alone for once, after traveling with seven other people for almost two weeks Marian was dying for some time alone and silence, even if only for a moment.

Her hands reached for her pack and she dug around for a second before pulling out a bar of soap. She rubbed it over her body, scrubbing away a week’s worth of dirt and blood. When her head ducked under the water, she scrubbed the soap over her face and into her scalp. A sigh left her lips as she came up from the water. It felt so fucking good to be clean.

After soaking for a few more minutes, Marian pulled herself from the water. Her hands rummaged through her pack, finding the last clean pair of smalls she had. They slipped up her legs quickly before she grabbed her breastband from the ground and tied it around her chest. Fingers made their way through her hair as she pulled the knots free from it. Now her clothes needed to be washed, she didn’t know when she would have another chance to do this and all of her clothes were filthy.

Marian was sitting on the ground in her smalls, scrubbing a bloodstained shirt with the bar of soap when she heard the footsteps behind her. It was the male elf, Solas, that Ayla was often whispering to. When his eyes reached Marian his face went scarlet and he looked away from her.

“My apologies, Champion. I didn’t realize you were here.”

“It’s alright, Solas. You don’t need to hide your eyes, it’s not like I’m naked. We’re both adults, we’ve seen people in their underthings before, I’m sure.” Marian looked towards him with a faint smile on her lips. “I’m just washing my clothes if you’d like to join me.”

The elf nodded his head as he walked towards Marian. His hands dumped his pack of clothes onto the ground before pulling his own tunic off along with his leggings and he knelt besides her. For a second they just say there together in their smalls, washing their clothes. Then Solas decided to speak.

“So, I heard you have a child.” His voice was soft as he scrubbed one of his tunics.

“News travels fast in Skyhold?” Marian laughed softly as she focused on a bloodstain, scrubbing it roughly.

“I heard he looks a lot like a certain Commander in the Inquisition…”

Marian couldn’t help it when she laughed again. “You don’t need to be nervous about it, just ask, Solas. I’m obviously not ashamed of it, it’s not like I tried to hide it.”

“I apologize. I just didn’t know how to approach the subject. It can be touchy with some women.” Solas gave her a small smile before turning back to his clothing. “How did the two of you meet?”

“We met when he was in Kirkwall. Had a little thing for a while, then he had to leave.” It wasn’t the full story, but Solas didn’t need to know all the dirty details of Cullen and Marian’s three day love affair. 

“And the child?”

“I found out I was pregnant soon after Cullen left, but he was a Templar, I was an apostate mage. I couldn’t really write him a letter confessing it. So, I raised him on my own.” 

“That’s very admirable of you, Champion. I can’t imagine most people handling that well.”

“There were times when it was tough, but worth it in the end. Thank you, Solas.” 

The elf nodded towards Marian and she could feel a small smile forming on her face.

By the time her clothes dried it was getting late. Solas and her had been silent for a while now. Marian pulled a clean shirt over her head and started shoving the rest into her pack, before waving goodbye towards the male elf. 

Varric, Bull, Bela, Blackwall, and Sera were all sitting around the fire when she made it back to camp. They were all obviously drunk as they roared in laughter together. Sera was the first to notice Marian.

“Oi, Hawke! Where’s your bloody breeches?”

“Fuck off, Sera!” Marian shot a glare in her direction as she tried to pull her shirt down over her backside. She wasn’t expecting anyone to still be up when she got back to camp, but of course they all were and now they all had seen her in her smalls.

“No, don’t do that now you’re ruining the view!” Sera broke into a fit of laughter and Marian’s cheeks went red. 

“Hawke, come drink with us!” Varric was calling her over now. 

“Varric, if you haven’t noticed, I’m half naked right now.”

“I’m always half naked and no one seems to mind!” Isabela made the entire group of drunks break into laughter. 

Varric tossed the bottle of liquor towards Marian and she caught it in her hands. Well, why the fuck not? They’d be heading home tomorrow, might as well have a good night. Her fingers pulled to cork free and the bottle pressed to her lips. Whatever the hell it was tasted like piss and burned on the way down her throat. She spat in disgusting and threw the bottle back to Varric.

“She can’t handle the Warden’s Whiskey, too strong for her!” Blackwall was nudging Varric and the two of them were laughing. 

“If you’re all going to make fun of me I can go to bed.” Hawke glared towards the five of them.

“Nooooo, Hawke, don’t leave us.” Varric whined as he spoke.

Marian laughed softly and moved to the free spot besides Sera, snatching the bottle of alcohol she held in her hands.

The six of them stayed together drinking until late in the evening. At some point Isabela and Bull slipped off to the tent they were sharing, leaving Varric, Sera, Blackwall and Marian alone. The four of them were very drunk at this point. Sera was gushing about how she thought Dagna, the dwarven arcanist back at Skyhold, was beautiful. Varric was encouraging Sera to talk to Dagna. Blackwall was confused at the idea of two women being physically intimate with each other. 

“Wait so how does that work...neither of you have…” Blackwall’s words were slurred as he spoke.

“Oi, shut up! I’m not going to fucking draw you a picture.” Srea shot a glare in his direction.

Marian was dying of laughter at this point. “Blackwall, we don’t need what you have! Women can do just as well without.” She rose her eyebrows as her fingers wiggled in his direction.

Blackwall’s face instantly scrunched up and Sera burst into a fit of giggles, almost falling over. Varric looked to Hawke with wide eyes.

“How do you know this, Hawke? Are you keeping secrets from me?”

“Isabela and I had our fun, Varric. Once upon a time. That’s all you’ll ever know.” A smirk was playing on her face as she took another swig of the Warden Whiskey, not wincing when it slid down her throat this time. 

A couple more hours passed and by the time the four of them managed to stumble off to their tents they could hardly walk. Varric leaned on Hawke and Blackwall was carrying Sera as they all headed off towards their tents. Marian held the cloth open so Varric could crawl inside and into his bedroll, before following after him and slipping into her own.

“Goodnight, Hawke.” Varric’s words were still slurred as he spoke.

“Night, Varric.” Marian’s were just as bad. 

Tonight when she slept she didn’t find her dreams pulling her to Cullen and Nikolas. Tonight she actually slept and didn’t wake up every couple of hours crying because of how much she missed them.

The next morning Marian wanted to cry when she opened her eyes. It was so fucking bright and so hot already. Her head was pounding. Everything was shitty. As she sat up and reached for her pack she realized it wasn’t in it’s spot and groaned. Slowly, she crawled out of her tent still only in her shirt and smalls.

Everyone was awake and moving in camp. Sera, Blackwall and Carver were taking down tents, Varric was finishing his breakfast, Solas and Ayla were off in the cornering whispering as always, and Bela was giggling as Bull whispered something into her ear. Her eyes scanned, lighting up when they saw her pack by Varric’s feet. She hurried over to it, snatching it up quickly as she she searched for a pair of leathers.

“Still in your smalls, Hawke?” Varric teased as he looked towards her.

“Fuck off, Varric.” A triumphant hand pulled a clean pair of leathers out and she began to pull them up her legs. “When are we leaving?”

Varric shrugged, “Soon I think. We still need to tear down our tent. Other than that we’re ready to go.”

Marian nodded and started back towards the tent. The sooner they could leave, the sooner she got to go back to Skyhold and back to her boys. Her hands were pulling the tent down when she heard a voice behind her.

“Need some help?” Ayla was there, a faint smile on her lips.

“Sure. Take care of the bedrolls for me?” Marian motioned towards the two bedrolls that still needed to be rolled.

Ayla nodded as she moved towards them and began rolling them up. Marian kept working with the tent, taking it down quickly. They were strapping everything to the back of Marian’s horse when Ayla spoke again.  
“Hawke, I wanted to say thank you,” Her voice was soft as she spoke, “Yesterday, I was terrified. You pulled me away from that dragon and you gave me the courage to go after it. Thank you for everything. I know we haven’t gotten off well, but I just wanted to say that.”

Marian was slightly shocked. She never expected this from Ayla. Sure, Marian knew she was thankful yesterday, but she never thought Ayla would ever actually work up the courage to say it to her face. Her head nodded slowly as she turned her attention towards the elf in front of her. “You’re welcome, Ayla. I couldn’t let a dragon squish you. We’d be pretty fucked without your mark.” She flashed her a small smile as she spoke.

“Obviously.” Ayla let a soft laugh escaped her lips, “Right, so, are you ready to head out? I don’t know about you, but I’m ready to go home.”

“The sooner the better.”

“I’ll go tell everyone we’re leaving then.” Ayla flashed one last small smile as she turned away and headed towards the rest of the party.

The rest of the journey to the Tevinter ruins was mostly easy. Yes, it was unbearably hot along the way and they had to stop to kill some stupid fucking bandits that thought it would be a genius idea to attack them, but other than that it was easy.

“That’s the ruin!” Carver’s voice rang clear as the Tevinter ruin became clear in the distance.

Everyone halted their horses and climbed off to the ground, readying their weapons.

“We don’t know what we’re walking into. Everyone be careful! Watch your back, take care of each other. These Grey Wardens could be corrupted by Corypheus, but do not strike your weapons unless Hawke or I signals you to.” Ayla’s voice yelled out orders to everyone and Marian’s eyes widened at the last part. Unless she gave the signal? That was unexpected. 

Everyone began marching towards the ruin. It was silent, there wasn’t even the sound of animals chirping or the wind blowing. 

“I hope we’re not too late. What if they’ve already started the ritual?” Carver’s voice was soft as they marched up the steps to the ruin.

“Then we stop it.” Ayla turned to Carver, “But we will save your brothers if we can.”

The group continued towards the ruin, crossing a bridge as they came to it. They could see the Grey Wardens before they saw them and everyone hurried to stay out of sight. Marian and Ayla both peaked around a corner watching the Wardens.

There were piles of bodies, blood was running from the corpses like rivers. A fade rift was ripped open in the sky. At least five Grey Wardens were there. Three stood to the side, demons floating at their backs. One was in the middle and he had a terrified expression on his face. At the top of the stairs stood the final man, but he didn’t look like a Warden. He didn’t wear the same armor as the rest of the men. 

“Wait! No!” The terrified Warden was yelling out.

The man on the stairs stepped forward. “Warden Commander Clarel’s orders were clear.” His voice was rough as he spoke and his accent was distinctly Tevinter. What the fuck what a Tevinter doing with the Grey Wardens?

“No! This is wrong!” The Warden cried out again.

The Tevinter man scoffed. “Remember your oath: In war, victory. In peace, vigilance. In death…”

The terrified Warden’s eyes were locked on the Tevinter man. He didn’t notice when one of his brothers slipped behind him, a knife in his hand. A pained gasp left the Warden’s lips as the knife plunged into his back and he fell to his knees, blood pooling around him.

“Sacrifice.” A grin drew across the Tevinter’s face as he spoke. 

Seconds later a rage demon screamed as it came to life, rising from the now dead Warden’s blood. Marian’s eyes went wide in fear. Of course it was fucking blood magic, it was always blood magic. 

“Good,” The Tevinter man spoke again, “Bind it like I showed you.”

The Warden that killed his brother nodded his head and lifted his hand to the demon. The monster roared out as it was forced to kneel before it’s master. The Tevinter man was still grinning as he watched.

They had seen enough now. Fucking blood magic was the final straw. Marian moved from her hiding place, Ayla at her side. They both pulled their weapons to the ready as they marched forward, their party following at their heels.

“Inquisitor!” The Tevinter’s grin seemed to grow even wider as he saw them, “What an unexpected pleasure! Lord Livius Erimond of Vyrantium, at your service.” He was even ballsy enough to bow at them.

Carver rushed forward, anger flaring in his eyes. “You are no Warden!”

“But you are.” Livius’ eyes narrowed towards Carver, “You’re the one Clarel let slip. You found the Inquisitor and came to stop me?” A snort left his lips, “Shall we see how that goes?”

Ayla stepped forward, her sword was in her hand and her knuckles had gone white from how hard she was hold it. “Stop this madness. Release the Wardens. Now.” Her voice was stern as she spoke and her eyes stayed locked on Livius.

Livius chuckled, “I don’t think so. Wardens,” The three wardens and their demons turned to look at Livius as soon as he spoke to them, “Hands up.” As his hand rose, the possessed Wardens followed. “Hands down,” Livius’ hand dropped and theirs followed in sync. The bastard was fucking toying with them and he was enjoying it. 

“Corypheus has taken their minds!” Carver’s eyes were huge as he looked to Marian and Ayla. 

“They did this to themselves!” Livius was speaking again, “You see, the calling had the Wardens terrified. They looked everywhere for help.“

“Even Tevinter…” Carver turned back to look to Livius, anger now taking over his face. 

“Yes, and since it was my master who put the calling into their stupid little heads, we in the Venatori were prepared.” A smirk grew across his face as he spoke. “I went to Clarel full of sympathy. Together we came up with a plan. Raise a demon army, march in the Deep Roads, and kill the Old Gods before they wake.”

“You can’t just kill Old Gods!” Solas’ voice snapped forward now. “You have no idea what kind of power you are messing with!” 

Ayla let a smirk play on her own lips as she stared Livius down. “Of course. The demon army. I was wondering when that would show up.”

Sera, Bull and Isabela let out audible laughter from the background. Livius’ face darkened in anger as he glared at the elf standing in front of him. 

“Sadly for the Warden mage’s the binding spell I taught them has a little side effect. They’re my master’s slaves now.” Livius let the smirk return to his face, “This was all a test. Once the rest of the Wardens complete the ritual the army will conquer Thedas.”

“You really want to see the world full of the Blight, yeah? That just sounds wonderful.” Ayla glared toward the man as she flexed her fingers around her sword.

“The Elder One commands the Blight. He isn’t controlled like mindless darkspawn. It will be his tool. While he rules from the Golden City, the Venatori will be his God-Kings in the world.”

“You’re fucking crazy.” Marian’s voice finally came forward. “He’s using you! Once he has what he wants he’ll throw you aside. You are his fucking tool!”

“So Corypheus forced the Warden’s into doing this?” Carver’s voice was filled with anger as he spoke.

“Oh no! All of this, the blood rituals to bind the demons, your brothers did this to themselves. Fear is a very good motivator and they were very, very afraid.” A grin drew across Livius’ face as Carver’s eyes went wide from shock. 

“No!” Blackwall was roaring now, “The Wardens would never do this!”

“The Wardens only care about stopping Blights. They would obviously do anything to accomplish that. Even blood magic.” A soft laugh left Livius’ lips when he finished speaking.

“Why do you even want to kill the Old Gods?” Ayla was still glaring in his direction.

“A Blight occurs when darkspawn find an Old God and corrupt it into an Archdemon. If someone killed the Old God’s before they were corrupted the Blights would end. Forever.”

It almost sounded too good to be true. The Blights had existed since the beginning of time, a world without them would be amazing. But this, blood magic, this was not the answer to ending them. Blood magic was never the answer.

“You think you can stand against me with an army of demons and a fade rift?” Ayla scoffed, “You should hear about the things I’ve done. This is practice for me.”

“Yes, but I’ve heard what Corypheus did to you at Haven.” Livius’ hand came forward, red magic coming off his fingers. Ayla fell to her knees, a pained gasp leaving her lips. The mark was glowing and Ayla clutched at it in pain. “I know how to deal with you, Inquisitor. Corypheus taught me.” His hand clutched into a fist and Ayla let out a soft yelp as the mark sparked in her hand. “You stole that mark from my master, Inquisitor. When I bring him your head his gratitude…”

Before he could finish Ayla forced her marked hand forward, throwing Livius backwards with her power from the fade. A yelp left his lips as he struck a wall and crumped to the floor. The man forced himself up, glaring at the elf rising to her feet,

“Kill them!” He screamed to his Warden and demon slaves, “Fucking kill them!” 

The demons roared as they came to life to life and the Wardens drew their staves. Ayla and Tali’s parties ready themselves, bracing for the attack. The rage demon rushed in first. Sera and Carver moved around it, his swords striking blows and her arrows sinking into it’s body. When a demon moved in towards Isabela, Iron Bull rushed forwards knocking the beast backwards. Bela in turn threw a smoke bomb, blinding the demon so Bull could finish it off. 

Varric and Blackwall were fighting three Warden mages. Blackwall’s shield blocked every spell they shot at him. The second he got a chance, his sword lashed out bringing one of the mages down. One of Varric’s arrows sank deep into another mage’s eyes socket killing him instantly. The final mage was about to strike and Blackwall wasn’t ready to defend himself. Suddenly, the mage went up in flames. Screams were coming from his lips as he fell to the ground, burning alive. Blackwall and Varric turned to see Solas smiling at them as the mage’s body crackled at their feet.

Marian and Ayla had teamed up on the last two demons. Ayla spun in between them, her sword striking both targets with one blow of her sword. Marian’s magic kept a barrier steady around Ayla’s body, occasionally shooting spells to stun the demons when necessary. When the first demon fell Ayla’s sword became stuck in it’s corpse. The second demon was only inches behind her, ready to strike at her back. Hawke pulled her mana forward and shot directly at the demon’s chest, ripping it clean open. Ayla looked to her and flashed a small smile and Marian returned it.

The battle was done. Dead bodies and slowly fading demon corpses were scattered around their feet. Blood and gore covered everyone’s armor and weapons, but the entire party was unharmed. 

“Fucking blood magic! It’s always fucking blood magic!” Marian couldn’t contain herself when she screamed. After Kirkwall she couldn’t handle the sight of blood magic, not after Orsino, not after mother. 

“The ritual makes the Wardens Corypheus’ slaves.” Carver’s eyes were dark as he spoke. Marian went to comfort him, but he stepped away from her. “We have to stop this.”

“Livius lied to the Wardens. They were trying to prevent future Blights. They didn’t know of his true plans.” Ayla’s brows furrowed as she spoke and a sigh left her lips.

“They’re doing it with blood magic and human sacrifice.” Marian’s voice was a snap. “This must be stopped.”

“The Wardens were wrong, but they had their reasons, Marian.” Carver looked to his older sister and frowned.

“Every blood mage has an excuse. They all have their reasons, but it’s never fucking justified! Blood magic is never the fucking answer. No matter what the question is.” Her voice was harsh as she spoke to him. “You never fucking sacrifice another human’s life for magic. Nothing is worth that, Carver.”

Carver’s eyes glared towards Marian for a moment. She could see the anger in them as her little brother stared her down. This is why they didn’t get along; Carver had a different view on certain things. But Marian was right about this, blood magic was never the answer. If he had been in Kirkwall, if he had seen what that monster of a blood mage had done to their mother, he would understand how she felt. 

His attention turned towards Ayla. “I believe I know where Livius was going. He ran that way,” Carver’s hand motioned towards the directions Livius took off in, “There’s an abandoned Warden fortress that direction, Adamant. “

Ayla nodded her head, “We’re stopping this. There will be no fucking demon army. Get ready to move, we’re heading back to Skyhold as soon as I write to Leliana to sends scouts out this way to investigate the forretress.” Her words were directed to everyone as she spoke.

“I’ll meet your scouts there.”

Marian’s eyes flared towards Carver as he spoke. “You’ll do no such thing. You’re coming with us.”

He glared in her direction. “These are my brothers, Marian. I took an oath, I will not abandon them. I’ll camp away from the fortress and wait for the scouts. I’ll stay with them until the Inquisitor is ready to storm the keep.”

Marian frowned as she looked at her little brother. As much as she hated it, she had to let him go. He took an oath and he couldn’t abandon the men and women that he called brother and sister. Her arms wrapped around him, pulling him into a tight hug. 

“Be safe, please, Carver.” Marian’s voice was a whisper as she hugged her baby brother.

“I will be, I promise.” His arms tightened around her for a second before releasing her.

Ayla nodded her head. “I’ll tell them to look for you. Until we meet again, Warden Carver.” Her hand stretched out towards him, “Thank you for all your help.”

Carver’s hand grasped Ayla’s and shook it firmly. “You’re welcome, Inquisitor. I’m sure I’ll see you all again soon.” His hand let hers drop and his eyes turned to Marian for a second.

She wanted to cry, she wanted to beg him not to go and to come with her to Skyhold instead, but her head nodded and she let her little brother walk away from the group. Marian’s eyes stayed on Carver’s body until he was completely out of sight, a frown covering her face the entire time.

By the time Carver had disappeared into the distance Ayla had written her letter and sent it off with a crow. The bodies had been looted and it was time to return to the horses. After two weeks it was finally time to go back to Skyhold. 

Even though her body was exhausted and she was terrified for Carver, Marian had a smile on her face as the party rode out of that hell hole of a desert. In four days she would be back at Skyhold. In four days she could eat good food. In four days she could sleep in a real bed. In four days Cullen and Nikolas would be back in her arms again. Only four more days and then she would be whole again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cullen and Nikolas are back in the next chapter!  
> Please, let me know what you think. :)  
> Thank you everyone!


	16. A Face to Call Home

It had been almost three weeks. Three long weeks. Last he heard they were going the The Western Approach and that was a week ago. Cullen could feel his head tighten as the throbbing started. Right now he was under so much stress. First Corypheus, then Marian, and now their son. His hand went the the back of his neck and rubbed at tense muscles.

This was the type of headache that would bring most people to tears. His skull literally felt like it was being smashed open as his brain pounded against it. Cullen had been suffering from these headaches for months now. As soon as he left the Templar Order and joined the Inquisition he made a vow to never take lyrium again. Cassandra had helped him stick to his vow, she even had all of his lyrium bottles. 

At least, she thought she did. Hidden in his office, in a inconspicuous book there was a hidden compartment and inside there was one beautiful vial of pure lyrium. Cullen only kept it in case of an emergency. Even though he tried many times he couldn’t bring himself to give Cassandra the last vial. He needed that last one, just in case.

If only Marian was here. If Marian was here he wouldn’t be thinking about stupid lyrium. When he was with her he thought of nothing else besides for her and the way she looked at him. Oh, he missed her. Four years apart had been so long and then she was back, but it was only a tease and she had been ripped away from him again. His body longed for her, he wanted to taste her lips, feel the soft flush of her body against his, the way she squirmed underneath him... 

Quickly, his head shook away the thoughts. Now was not the time for those kinds of things, that would happen later when he was alone. He was supposed to go see Nikolas, his son was waiting for him. They were supposed to go visit the horses together, it was one of Nikolas’ favorite things to do.

Over the past three weeks, Cullen had spent every second he could bonding with his son. They ate dinner together every night and Cullen always made sure to be there when Merrill tucked him in for the evening. When he could slip away from work, he would find himself stealing Nikolas away from Merrill and taking him off to spend time together. Nikolas liked when Cullen read to him, he also liked to paint. His favorite thing to do was play Knights VS Dragons with his toy figurines. Cullen was always the dragons and Nikolas was always the victorious knights. Cullen even started to teach the boy the basics of chess and he seemed to enjoy learning the game.

Cullen loved his son, he would have done anything for him. He was pretty sure Nikolas was starting to like him, too. After Cullen took him to see the horses for the first time Nikolas gave him a giant hug. Hugs had become normal between the two of them now and his son always gave him a when he saw him. Sometimes when they were playing together or when Cullen would read to him, Nikolas would smile at him in a way the made his heart stop. It was the most beautiful, happy smile he had ever seen in his life. Everyday he focused on making Nikolas smile like that. 

When he found Nikolas today he was in the garden with Merrill. He was playing with his toys in the grass, but when his eyes saw Cullen they lit up with happiness and he ran towards him. The boy’s arms were outstretched and Cullen pulled him up into hug. Nikolas’ little arms wrapped around his father’s neck and he giggled happily. A smile formed on Cullen’s face as he held his son is arms. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Merrill grinning.

“Hello, Nikolas,” Cullen shifted the boy’s weight so he rested on his side now. “How are you today?”

“I lost a tooth!” Nikolas grinned, showing his teeth. Right in the front, where one of his front teeth should have been, there was an empty space. 

“That’s wonderful. DId the tooth fairy come?” Cullen couldn’t help but grin down at him.

“She gave me three silvers! Three whole silvers!” His young voice was ecstatic as he spoke.

“That’s amazing. Make sure to tell your mother that when she gets home.”

The smile faded from Nikolas’ face quickly and Cullen frowned. Just wonderful, he went and upset his son. He did this often, slipped up and mentioned Marian, forgetting how sad it made Nikolas every time she was mentioned. 

“She’ll be home soon. In the next couple of days. I promise.” He gave Nikolas a light squeeze and the boy nodded his head softly. Then it came to him, there was one thing that would always cheer Nikolas up. “Are you ready to go see the horses?”

Instantly, his face let up and he looked up at his father with huge eyes. “Please, can we go now please? I miss Midnight and Jumper. I wanna feed them apples and pet them!”

Cullen laughed softly and smiled down at him. “We have to tell your Aunt we’re leaving first.” 

With Nikolas in his arms, Cullen made his way over towards Merrill. She was acting like she was reading a book, but Cullen knew she had actually been watching them the entire time. He didn’t mind it, he knew should well tell Marian everything and the more she knew, the better. 

Her large green eyes looked up as Cullen and Nikolas stood in front of her. A smile formed on her face as she acknowledged them. “Hello, Cullen. Are you having fun, Da’len?” Her eyes moved to Nikolas and his head nodded quickly.

“I was going to take him to see the horses for a little while, if that’s alright.”

“Of course, have a wonderful time. I’ll be in the room whenever you’re done.”

“We’ll see you in a couple hours.” Cullen nodded towards Merrill and Nikolas’ little hand waved goodbye to his Aunt before the two of them headed off. 

The walk to the stables wasn’t too far from the garden. Cullen held Nikolas in his arms as they made their way towards the horses. Most people had stopped staring by now, everyone knew. It wasn’t like he could really try to hide it, Nikolas looked just like him, it was obvious he was his son. Regardless, Cullen didn’t care. He was proud of his son, and of Marian. They were his beautiful little family, even if it wasn’t official yet. The two of them meant more to him than anything else in the world. It was while he was carrying Nikolas in his arms that realized his throbbing headache had faded away.

When they reached the stables Nikolas was bouncing in Cullen’s arms with excitement. 

“I wanna see Midnight first!” 

Midnight was a pure black stallion and Nikolas loved him. He was a beautiful, gentle horse. When Nikolas reached to pet his hair, the horse leaned his head up into his little hand. A wide smile was on the little boy’s face and Cullen couldn’t keep himself from smiling as he watched him. Cullen’s hand reached toward the treat bucket and pulled an apple from it, handing it to his son. Nikolas held the apple out to Midnight and squealed as the horse ate it from his hand. Giggles were escaping from his lips as he happily patted the horse again.

“Can we see Jumper now?” His eyes moved up to look and Cullen and he happily nodded in return, walking towards Jumper’s pen.

Jumper was a feisty stallion. His name suited him seeing as he typically bucked all of his riders off his back. Cullen didn’t even know why they had him because no one could control the damn thing. Nikolas loved him though, and Jumper liked him. When the horses’ eyes saw the boy he came forward, neighing softly. Nikolas’ hand reached out the pet the soft white hair and Jumper nuzzled against him. Cullen pulled a treat forward from the bucket and handed it to the boy. When Nikolas held the apple forward Jumped took it from his hand, chomping it away. A soft laugh left his lips as he gave the horse another pat.

“What would you like to do now?” Cullen looked to his son when he spoke.

“Can we get a snack? I’m hungry.”

Nikolas was hungry majority of the time, snack time was a very frequent occurrence when he spent time with Cullen. He was a growing boy after all, so Cullen always let him have his way. There was also the fact that he couldn’t say no to his son. The one thing he didn’t want to do was make him unhappy, so he found himself doing anything Nikolas asked.

By the time they reached the kitchen, Nikolas was walking on his own. His little hand was in Cullen’s and his free hand’s thumb was in his mouth. Wide eyes scanned the kitchen, searching for the perfect snack.

“Well, what would you like?” Cullen’s eyes moved down to his son.

“Can I have cookies?”

“You can have a cookie, and an apple or something that isn’t bad for you.”

Nikolas pouted as he looked up at his father. “Can I have two cookies and an orange?”

Cullen chuckled softly as he ruffled the blonde curls on his his son’s head. “You have a deal.”

They found the cookies quickly along with an orange and headed back to the dining room, still holding hands. Nikolas sat at the table munching on an orange, Cullen sat beside him. His eyes scanned the room. There were no familiar faces. Ever since Marian, Ayla and both their parties left, Skyhold seemed somewhat empty, the tavern was especially quiet with all of them gone. 

When people started hurrying towards the door Cullen’s head peaked up. Everyone was clearing out into the yard, someone had to be arriving. He rose quickly, pulling Nikolas up into his arms. By the time he got out the door the yard was packed. Every person in Skyhold had to be there. Cullen stayed at the top of the stairs, his eyes locked on the gates.

It had to be them, there was no one else. No one showed up to Skyhold unannounced, except for the Inquisitor and her party. If Ayla was returning, that meant Marian was back. She was back, he could hardly believe it. He’d be able to hold her and kiss her now. The lyrium headaches would fade away when she returned to him. Most importantly, his family would be together again. Cullen found himself praying softly to the Maker, begging he’d see her ride through the gate.

The second he spotted Ayla leading in on her horse, Cullen started down the stairs. He slipped in between the civilians, gently moving them out of his way while he made his way towards the gate. The civilians had started to cheer for the Inquisitor’s safe return and Cullen held Nikolas tight against his chest as moved towards the gate.

The moment his eyes found her a smile grew on his face. Her armor was bloody and she looked like she needed a bath, but she was there. She even looked healthy, she wasn’t smiling or anything, but she didn’t appear to have any injuries. Cullen found himself pushing through the last couple of people, moving into the clearing where the party was getting off their horses. 

Nikolas’ eyes found her next. Instantly, he began wiggling in Cullen’s arms, desperately trying to get free so he could run to his mother. Cullen didn’t blame him, he wanted to run over to her, too. The second Nikolas’ feet touch the ground he took off, running towards Marian.

“Mommy!” His voice was a squeal as he ran to her.

The second Marian heard her voice, she spun around. She fell to her knees and opened her arms for her son. When Nikolas reached her Marian held him tight to her body and Cullen knew she was crying. A faint smile was on his face as he watched the two of them. Nikolas was hugging his mother, a giant smile on his face, and Marian held him close to her, her face buried in his hair. When Marian finally pulled back to look at her son, Cullen could see the tears running down her cheeks. She placed a soft kiss on Nikolas’ head before he ran over to Varric.

Then her eyes met his. The tears were still trailing down her cheeks as she rose to her feet. Next thing Cullen knew, Marian was running towards him and he was running towards her. The moment he could, his arms wrapped around her body, pulling her close to his chest. When their lips met for the first time in three long weeks Cullen felt his heart stop. Her hands came up to hold his face as his lips worked with hers. It wasn’t rough, it wasn’t passionate, it was desperate. Her misery of being without him mixed with his own. 

When Cullen’s lips finally broke away from hers, he let his forehead press into hers. His hands came up to her cheek as their eyes met again. His thumbs brushed the tears away as he gazed at her. Even now, completely filthy and covered in Maker knows what, Marian was absolutely beautiful and he couldn’t keep himself from gazing at her.

“Maker, I’ve missed you.” His voice was a whisper as his thumbs rubbed circles into her cheeks.

“I’ve missed you.” Marian’s body leaned into his and his arms went back around her, holding her to him.

“Don’t be mad, but you need a bath.” His words were whispers into her hair and he could feel her laugh softly.

“I know, I know. I must smell awful.”

“No worse than usual.” A smirk spread to his lips as he teased her.

She giggled softly and hit his chest. “You’re so mean!”

“I was only teasing.” He started walking backward, pulling her with him. “Come on. Bath time.”

Marian’s head shook as she looked at him. “You need to go see the Inquisitor in the War Room.”

A groan left his lips, “I know about the Wardens, we got her letter. Please, Marian, let me spend five more minutes with you before I have to run off to work again.”

“Okay, okay, but what about Nikolas?”

Cullen’s eyes searched for a second. Nikolas was with Varric, Isabela and Merrill, completely engulfed in whatever story Varric was telling him. “He’s with his Aunts and Uncles. He’ll be fine, won’t even noticed you’re gone.” His hands started pulling her with him again and this time she giggled softly as she followed him.

When Cullen and Marian reached her suite a happy sigh left her lips. She pulled her pack off her shoulders and tossed it to the ground. Her armored robe came next and landed in a chair, then she turned towards him.

In a second, Marian was on him. Her body was pressed flushed to his as her mouth worked against his. Cullen’s hands were running all over her body, taking in the taste he’d be craving for weeks. It took everything in him to force his lips away from hers. He was breathless when he managed to break away. Lust was pooling in Marian’s eyes and he could feel himself harden slightly in response. Maker, he wanted her, he wanted to feel her body under his, watch her come undone because of him, but this wasn’t the time. She just got home, she needed to rest, people would be looking for both of them. 

“No,” His voice was soft when he started to speak, “Not now, Marian.”

A soft sigh left her lips, but she nodded her head in agreement. “You’re right. I’m going to go take a bath. Will you come see me tonight?”

Cullen nodded his head quickly, “Of course. I have dinner with Nikolas every night. Are you going to join us?” 

A grin spread to her lips. “You two have dinner every night? I can’t wait to hear about what happened while I was gone. I’ll be there, I promise.” She leaned up on her toes, pressing a chaste kiss to his lips. “Go take care of the Warden situation. Come find me when you’re done.” 

Cullen smiled as his head nodded, “I’ll be back soon, I promise.”

Marian waved goodbye as she walked towards her bedroom door and Cullen turned on his heel, heading out of her suite. The sooner he got this over with, the sooner he could hold Marian in his arms again, and right now that was all he wanted to do. 

 

A soft yawn left Marian’s lips as her eyes opened. Her entire room was dark. What time was it? When did she fall asleep? Another yawn escaped as she sat up, stretching her arms out. After sleeping on a bedroll for three weeks she was forever grateful for her beautiful bed. 

She reached to the candle by her bed and snapped her fingers, using her magic to light the wick, and soft light filled the room. Her eyes traveled to the balcony doors. Stars were visible in the dark night sky. Great, not only did she fall asleep, but she slept for the entire evening. A sigh left her lips as she forced herself out of bed. 

A gasp left Marian’s lips when she looked down and saw all she had on was a towel. She remembered lying down after her bath, but she didn’t remember falling asleep Her eyes scanned her room for a second, searching for her clothes. Where the hell were they? She left them on the foot of her bed when she left for Crestwood and now they were gone. Now that she looked around the room, it was clean. After three weeks no dust covered any of the furniture and she could smell the faint scent of polish on the floor. Someone had been cleaning her suite, they must of done her laundry. 

Marian moved to the wardrobe in the corner and pulled the doors open. Sure enough, all of her clothing was hanging neatly inside. Her hands fingers through the clothes quickly and settled on a pale pink nightgown. It reached down to her ankles, instead of sleeves it had a thin strap on each shoulder, and the neckline was low on her chest. She pulled the garment over her head before continuing to search the wardrobe until she found her robe, hiding the back. Once she slid the fabric over her arms and tied it at the waist, she headed towards her bedroom door.

When her hand was about to reach the knob, she heard the sweet sound of Nikolas giggling from the other room. As she opened the door a smile immediately spread across her face. Nikolas was laying on the sofa, wearing his pajamas. He was in between Cullen’s legs, who held a book in his hands while he read a story to his son. 

The two noticed the bedroom door open, and when Nikolas saw his mother he leaped from the sofa. He ran as fast as he little feet could carry him and leaped into her arms. A soft laugh left her lips as she caught him and pulled her close to her body. His face nuzzled into the crook of her neck and she pressed a kiss to his cheek. Tears were starting to sting her eyes. She was about to start crying again, just like earlier. Marian couldn’t help it when the tears slipped from her eyes. Right now she was holding her whole world in her arms and after three weeks away from him, holding him didn’t even feel real. 

When her eyes opened, she saw Cullen smiling at her. She managed a small smile back towards him before turning her attention to Nikolas.

“We’re you two having fun?” 

Nikolas grinned and nodded his head. “Mister Cullen was reading me a story before bedtime.”

Marian rose her eyebrows. “A bedtime story? Is he stealing my job?”

“No! Of course not, Mama.” A soft giggle left his lips. “Will you tuck me in mama? Please, please!”

“Don’t you want Cullen to finish your story?”

“We were just finishing up, actually.” Cullen spoke now.

“Please, mama.” Nikolas pouted as he looked at his mother.

“Of course I’ll tuck you in.” Marian started towards his bedroom door, stopping when he started wiggling in her arms.

“Mama, wait. I gotta hug Mister Cullen!” He struggled in her arms as he tried to get to the floor.

Marian’s brow cocked as she let him down and looked towards Cullen. Sure enough, Nikolas ran over to his father and wrapped his arms around him. Cullen returned the hug, a small smile on his face.

“Goodnight, Mister Cullen.”

“Goodnight, Nikolas. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Nikolas nodded his head and trotted back over to his mother, taking her hand into his as he walked in his room. He hopped into his bed and Marian pulled the covers up over him. He grabbed his stuffed rabbit as he snuggled into the blankets, holding the toy in his arm. 

“Goodnight, sweetie. I love you.” Marian’s lips pressed a kiss to his head. 

“Goodnight, mama. I love you. I’m happy you’re home.” Nikolas let his little eyes flutter shut as he snuggled into his bed.

“I’m happy I’m home, too.” Marian gave him one last kiss before blowing out the candle by his bed. 

When she returned to the living room, Cullen was waiting for her. A smile was on his lips as she headed towards him. She settled into the sofa next to him, letting her body lightly brush his. His arm wrapped around her shoulders, pulling her closer to him and she happily nuzzled into his chest.

“You two have certainly gotten close.” Marian let her eyes move to look at him when she spoke.

“We spent a lot of him together while you were gone. We saw the horses often, I read him stories, I even started teaching him chess.” A bright smile spread across Cullen’s face as he spoke. “He like’s me, Marian. He actually likes me.”

She couldn’t help but smile when she looked at him. He was so happy, so happy his son actually liked him and even if he didn’t know he was his father, Cullen knew and he was proud of himself. Marian let her hand find his and she gave it a gentle squeeze. “I’m happy for you. Are you ready to tell him the truth yet?”

Cullen pressed his lips together in a line. “I’m not sure, I’m still nervous about that. That’s a big deal.”

“I know it is,” Her hand gave his another soft squeeze. “I’m not rushing you, I was just wondering if you were ready or not.”

Cullen nodded his head. “Thank you. I’ll be ready soon.” He flashed her a small smile as his hand gripped hers. “How was Crestwood and the Western Approach?”

Marian groaned. “Terrible. Crestwood had fucking corpses everywhere. The things were fucking walking around. It was disgusting. Carver was there, though. He traveled with us after we found him. Then The Western Approach was ridiculously hot and had a dragon. That was fun.”

“A dragon?” Cullen cut her off, “Ayla didn’t mention that.”

“There’s really no need to, it wasn’t vital to what we were actually doing there.” Her shoulders shrugged lightly.

“So you all went after it for fun?”

Marian couldn’t help but laugh. “No! It attacked us. We out numbered it, though. Eight against one is pretty rough, even for a dragon. Anyways, then we came across the Grey Warden’s doing their creepy fucking blood ritual with Livius and we had to kill them.” Her face scrunched up as she remembered the ordeal. Fucking blood magic. “It was disgusting really. He controls the fucking mages once they give in and do the ritual. It’s fucking sick. Livius ran off to Adamant, if Carver was right.”

Cullen’s eyes studied her face as she spoke “How is your brother?”

Marian frowned as she thought of Carver. “He stayed behind to wait for Leliana’s scouts to show up. He’s mad and honestly, Cullen, I think he’s fucking terrified. Those are his brothers and sisters, he doesn’t want to have to hurt them.”

Cullen’s head nodded slowly, “I understand... Are you okay?”  
Marian actually stopped to think for a moment. Was she okay? When she was on the road she felt terrible. Now...she felt fine, good really. She was still a little worried about Carver, but now that she was home with Cullen and Nikolas everything felt like it should. Everything was perfect.

“I’m a little worried about Carver, but other than that I’m fine.” A smile spread across her lips as she looked to him, “I’m just happy to be home.”

A smile formed on Cullen’s lips and his hand came forward to cup Marian’s cheek. Calloused fingers brushed against her skin and a soft sigh escaped her lips as she leaned into his touch. It felt so good to just be back with him and their son. The moment she walked through the gates of Skyhold and Nikolas was in her arms again, the moment she saw Cullen smiling at her, she felt the unbelievable weight she had been carrying for nearly three weeks lifted from her shoulders. Never in her life did she want to leave them again.

When Cullen’s lips finally found hers a soft groan escaped from her mouth. On instinct, her body pressed closer to his. His lips worked harder against hers and his hands moved down to her hips, pulling her body to his lap. Her legs moved to straddle his hips while her fingers moved to tangle into his hair. His hands held her body tight against his, unwilling to let her slip away again. 

This time when they kissed it was just as desperate as it was in the courtyard earlier that day. Lips moved feverishly together as hands explored. Marian’s fingers trailed down his chest to the hem of his shirt, giving it a sharp tug. Suddenly, Cullen’s hands moved to the back of her thighs, lifting her body from the sofa as he rose. Her legs moved to wrap around his hips as he carried her towards the bedroom.

Cullen kicked the door shut as they entered her room and headed towards the bed. Once safe over the bed, he gently laid her down before climbing over her body. Marian’s hand reached up, catching his collar and pulled his face down to hers. When their lips met again, she let her tongue push past his lips and into his welcoming mouth. A groan from him escaped into the kiss and his hands moved down to the front of her robe. Quick fingers pulled at the belt, untying it quickly. His hands moved to her shoulders, forcing the fabric away from her body and to the floor. She let her fingers travel down his chest and to the hem of his shirt, tugging at it. 

When he broke away from her lips his hands pulled the shirt away from his body, letting it join her robe. Marian was gazing at him, her eyes scanning over his body. Every inch of him was perfect. Every curve of muscle, every scar that covered his otherwise flawless skin, every piece of him was absolute perfection, and Marian wanted all of him. 

Cullen’s hand was hovering over her nightgown, ready to rip it away from her body, when their eyes met again. She could see the desperation in his eyes, it was the same way he looked at her earlier. He wanted to take her, show her how much he missed her, and she could tell. 

Marian’s back arched up answer to his silent question and Cullen’s hands quickly pulled the garment away from her body. It only took seconds for his lips to find hers again and he kissed her. This time it was hard, passionate, and his mouth claimed hers. His fingers moved to her breast, grasping it in his rough hands. Her hips arched in response to the touch and a soft whimper was pulled from her mouth. His fingers teased lightly at her nipple and she could feel her body shudder underneath him. When his free hand began to trail down her stomach towards the hot center between her legs, she pressed herself hard against him. Her body was crying, begging for his sweet touch at this point. Her body needed him, she needed him. 

Once Cullen’s hand slipped between her legs a loud moan left Marian’s lips. His fingers teased, slowly working towards her entrance but never actually giving her what she wanted. A whimper escaped her mouth and she tried to press herself into his hand. This was torture, it had been so long. She wanted to feel herself come undone as his body claimed hers. She wanted him, all of him.

Quickly, Marian’s hand moved to his leathers. The second her fingers brushed against his length she could feel how hard he was. A soft groan erupted from his lips as her hand brushed against his member. Cullen’s teeth found his lower lip as his eyes fluttered shut. For a moment, she toyed with him, letting her hand lightly rub against his length. That was until Cullen’s hand grabbed her wrist, forcing it away from his body. She struggled against his grasp, but he easily held her down. His free hand reached towards her small and forced them down her legs before turning to his own leathers. The laces came undone quickly and they fell to the ground, leaving him naked with her. 

Then Cullen was inside her. There was no patience in this, he couldn’t wait any longer and thrusted into her body. A loud gasp left her lips as her body curled around his, taking him in. His thrusts were fast and deep as he rocked into her. Marian’s nails dug lightly into his shoulder, pulling a moan from his mouth. Their hips rocked together, pulling them both to the brink of ecstasy. 

“Cullen!” Marian couldn’t hold back her scream as she felt her body go tight. Her eyes fluttered shut and she could feel her legs tighten around his hips as she came undone underneath him. A loud groan left Cullen’s lips in response as he continued to move inside her, not slowing down in the slightest. Every thrust sent shocks of pleasure throughout her entire body. 

It didn’t take long for him to push her to her breaking point again. Marian’s body gripped tight to his as her nails dug into his back. Every nerve in her body was alive and singing with life as he moved into her, pulling her closer and closer. When she came again she let her teeth dig into his shoulder, muffling a scream. 

“Marian!” Cullen cried out her name as his fingers dug into her hips. His hands held her body tight as he released himself inside her. 

When they finished, they were both breathless. Cullen looked down to her and she let her eyes meet his. A thin layer of sweat covered his body and some of his hair was sticking to his forehead. A faint smile was starting to spread across his lips as he looked down at her. Marian could feel a smile start to spread across her own lips as she gazed up at him. 

“Marker, I’ve missed you.” His hand came up to cup her cheek as he spoke. “Don’t leave me again.”

She let herself lean into his touch, “I’ll do my best.” 

Cullen chuckled softly as he moved to lay besides her, pulling her body to his. “Got a taste for fighting again?”

Marian laughed softly and let herself snuggle into his chest, “Killing a dragon was a lot of fun, but there’s nowhere I’d rather be than here.” 

“Good,” He pressed a quick kiss to her hair, “I don’t want you anywhere else.”

They stayed silent for a moment, just enjoying each other’s company. Marian laid flush against Cullen’s body, her head resting on his chest. This was a perfect moment and she just wanted to savor it for the rest of her life. Soon enough sure heard a soft snore and when she looked to Cullen, his eyes were shut and he had drifted off to sleep.

A small smile formed on her face as she watched him for a second. He was so peaceful when he slept, he almost looked younger, and as always he was beautiful. Her lips pressed to his for a second as she gave him a quick kiss. 

“I love you, Cullen.” Her voice was a whisper against his lips. 

No, Marian still wasn’t ready to say it so he could hear her, but she felt it. She loved him in Kirkwall when they met, she loved him while he was gone and she was raising their child, she loved him now that they were together after four years apart, and if he ever left her side she would still love him. All she wanted was Cullen, Cullen and their beautiful child. Right now, when she had both of them safely with her, she felt complete and when Marian laid her head down to go to sleep a blissful smile was covering her face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Little bit of Cullen POV.  
> Hope everyone is enjoying! :)  
> Let me know what you think!


	17. No Rest For the Wicked

There was a knock. Constant, annoying, incessant. Marian just wanted it to shut up, she wasn’t ready to get up yet. Her body curled against the heat against her back and the arm wrapped around her waist tightened in response. For the first time, Cullen was by her side when she woke up. It felt so nice, to just lay in his arms while he held her. But no, the stupid fucking knocking was persistent and wouldn’t let her stay happy for a little while longer.

An agitated sigh left her lips as she let her eyes flutter open. The room was still dark, it was either very very late or very very earlier. This better have been fucking important, waking her up in the middle of the night. She groaned softly as she rose from bed, snatching her robe from the ground and slipping it over her body. When she reached the door she wanted to rip it open, but Cullen was still peacefully sleeping in her bed, so she slipped out quietly doing her best to not disturb him.

Once she reached the main door to her suite, she did rip that one open. A male elf stood before her, an elf she had never seen before. He was dressed in Inquisition scout gear, obviously a messenger of Leliana’s or Ayla’s. Regardless, Marian was annoyed with him and her eyes narrowed as she glared up at him. 

“What?” Her voice was a harsh whisper.

“The Inquisitor had requested for you to join her in the War Room.” The elf spoke quietly and had a distinct Orlesian accent.

“Are you fucking kidding me? Can it wait? I’m kind of sleeping right now.” Her arms crossed over her chest in irritation. This was ridiculous, whatever it was could surely wait until morning.

“She said it was urgent. We have received word from the Western Approach.”

Of fucking course. Marian’s hand came up to run her fingers through her messy hair and a sigh left her mouth. “I’ll be there soon, just let me get dressed.” 

The door was starting to close when he spoke again, “She also requested the Knight-Commander…”

Her eyes rolled and she glared towards him again. “I’ll make sure he’s there, thank you.” The door shut in his face and Marian groaned again. Fucking Western Approach. She had just gotten home the day before, word couldn’t be back already. She wasn’t ready to leave again just yet.

“Marian? What’s going on?” Cullen’s voice came softly from behind her.

“The Inquisitor needs to see us in the War Room, now.” Her lips pressed into a frown as she turned to face him.

“Wonderful. I’m guessing word is already back from the Approach?”

Marian’s shoulders shrugged lightly as she started towards him, “I’m guessing so,” she slipped past him and back into the bedroom, “Let’s just go get this over with.”

Cullen nodded as he followed behind her. They both dressed quickly, Marian slipping into a long cream colored dress and Cullen in the same clothes her wore yesterday. A frown was present on Marian’s lips as she moved towards the mirror, raking her fingers through her hair. His body slipped behind her and his arms snaked around her waist. She could feel herself relax slightly into his body and let out a soft sigh.

“It’ll be okay.” His words were whispers into her hair as he pressed a kiss to her scalp.

She couldn’t help but sigh again, “I hope so. Are you ready to go?”

Cullen’s head nodded and his hand moved to hers, lacing their fingers tightly together. A small smile found Marian’s lips, even though she tried to fight it. Whenever Cullen held her hand, her body, if he was simply near her she found herself smiling like a fool. Maker, she loved him. She loved him just as much as she loved their beautiful son. Soon she was going to tell him, very soon. It just had to be the right time, the right moment. 

Cullen kept her hand tight in his as they walked the halls towards the War Room. It was late, everyone was in bed and their footsteps were the only sound coming from the hall. That was until they neared the War Room, then she could hear the yelling.

“We can’t just leave the Grey Wardens!” The voice was female and Orlesian.

“This is too dangerous! We’re going to get ourselves slaughtered!” The next was also female, but Antivan.

“That is not for either of your to decide. Cullen will give his advice on the troops, he knows them best. We’ll go from there.” Ayla was speaking now.

“Sounds like they’re waiting for you.” Marian looked up to Cullen and he was frowning.

“Best get this over with,” He groaned as he pulled the heavy wooden doors open.

The three women turned to face the two of them. Ayla was at the center and the two of them were on her opposite sides. Marian didn’t recognize either of them. The one she assumed was the Orlesian was tall and fair skinned. A dark purple hood covered most of her head, but small strands of bright red hair stuck out on the sides. Her eyes were piercing blue as she stared in their direction. The Antivan was dark skinned and had warm brown eyes. Her dark hair was braided away from her face and into a bun at the back of her neck. Her brow was cocked as she looked towards the two of them.

“I’m guessing this is the Champion of Kirkwall.” The Antivan woman spoke, “Pleasure to finally meet you. I’m Josephine Montilyet, I’m the diplomatic advisor for the Inquisition. This is Leliana, she’s our...our...”

“She’s our spymaster.” Ayla finished for her.

“There has to be a nicer title for her position.” Josephine frowned slightly as she looked towards the Inquisitor.

“Please, call me Hawke. It’s a pleasure.” Marian smiled towards the two of them.

“I hope you’re enjoying your stay. Is everything suitable for you?” Josephine started speaking again, a bright smile on her face.

“This is not the time for that, Josie.” Leliana spoke again, her brows furrowing. 

Josephine’s frown returned as she looked towards the red haired woman, whose eyes were focused on the map placed on the table in front of her. Ayla sighed softly and looked towards Cullen and Hawke.

“Word has returned from the Approach. Your brother was right, they’re all at Adamant.” Ayla frowned as she looked towards them.

“Is Carver safe?” Marian’s heart stopped the second she heard his name.

“My spies found him. He’s perfectly safe with them, I assure you.” Leliana looked towards her and Marian nodded in thanks.

“What do you plan to do, Inquisitor?” Cullen dropped Marian’s hand as he moved towards the table, his eyes studying the map. 

“Storm the keep, obviously.” Ayla moved to stand across from him at the desk, staring at the map of Adamant. “But, there’s no weak points, no where we can get in.”

“Adamant was built before the age of modern siege equipment, a good trebuchet shot will do major damage.” Cullen’s eyes moved to Josephine, “I do believe our Lady Ambassador has gotten us some help.”

“Lady Seryl of Jader was happy to lend us some trebuchets. They’ve already been delivered.” A grin was on Josie’s face as she spoke.   
“We’re ready when you are, Inquisitor.” Cullen’s eyes moved to Ayla, smiling faintly.

“Then we storm the place. Get the soldiers ready.” Ayla’s eyes met Cullen’s and he nodded in return.

“Wait! Are our soldiers even ready for this? We’re fighting Grey Wardens! Possessed Grey Wardens!” Concern was obvious in Josephine’s voice when she spoke.

“The Grey Wardens are just men, only difference is they can kill an Archdemon,” Hawke finally spoke, “They fight and die just like any other man.”

“Our troops are ready for this. They’ve been training for this. We’ve nothing to worry about.” Cullen spoke again, trying mostly to reassure Josephine, who looked absolutely terrified.

“Cullen, ready our men. We march at dawn. Leliana have your archers get ready, too, we might be able to use them. Hawke,” Ayla’s attention turned towards her. “I’d like you to gather your party and travel with me.”

“No.” Cullen answered for her, his voice a quick snap. “It’s unnecessary.”

“I need her, Cullen.” Ayla crossed her arms across her chest, staring at him.

“You do not, she doesn’t need to go.” Cullen’s voice was still harsh as he spoke.

“Cullen,” Marian stepped in, her hand gripping his shoulder lightly. He shook her hand away instantly, turning on his heel as he stomped out of the War Room. A sigh left Marian’s lips and she turned her attention to Ayla for a moment. “I’ll be ready at dawn. I’m bringing Varric, Isabela and Sera, if you could have someone wake them and tell them, I’d appreciate it. Also, have someone tell Merrill I need her to watch Nikolas while I’m gone. I, obviously, have some things to take care of.”

“I’ll take care of it. Thank you, Hawke.” Ayla nodded in her direction and Marian took off out the door.

One of the downsides of wearing dresses was running. The skirt of her dress was currently hiked up to her thighs as she tried to chase down Cullen. Where the hell did he go? She’d never actually seen him mad before and right now he was fuming, he wouldn’t even let her touch him. She needed to find him, needed to explain that she had to go. This wasn’t her fault, it wasn’t her responsibility, but Carver was involved now. That made it her responsibility, she swore to her mother she would protect him and she did. When he got the Blight she got him to the Grey Wardens so he could live, when assassins started attacking them she took care of it, she had to protect him now. 

The only place she could think to go was his office. Marian still didn’t know Skyhold, she hadn’t even slept here more than twice, and his office was the only place she thought he might go.

When she reached his door the didn’t bother knocking and pushed the wood open. A gasp left her lips as something immediately came flying towards her. She slipped to the side, dodging it quickly, and let it smash against the door before falling to the ground.

“Maker! I’m sorry!” Cullen rushed towards her, “I’m sorry, Marian. I...I wasn’t thinking, I didn’t hear the door open.”

Marian’s eyes moved towards the floor. A book laid face open on the ground, except instead of having pages the center was hollowed out. A glass vial filled with something blue laid on the ground a few inches away from it. She recognized it instantly, lyrium. Why was he hiding lyrium? Marian knew he took lyrium; all Templars took lyrium, majority of them were addicted to it.

“Is that lyrium?” Her brow cocked as she looked at it. “Why are you hiding lyrium?”

“Because I shouldn’t have it.” His brows furrowed as he looked towards the bottle.

“You shouldn’t have it? What are you talking about?”

“I stopped taking lyrium when I left the order.”

“You stopped taking lyrium?” Her eyes went wide as she looked at him, “Why?”

“Because I shouldn’t need it. I don’t want to need it.” His voice was harsh as he spoke. His eyes glared towards the bottle lying on the floor. 

“Then why do you have this?”

“I kept that one, just incase. In case I ever needed it.”

“And you felt like you needed it now?” A frown formed on her lips as she looked towards him.

“I can’t, Marian. I can’t watch you walk into this.” His eyes refused to meet hers, but the pain was obvious on his face. 

“Cullen,” Her hand moved slowly towards his shoulder, ready for him to snap away from her touch. Except this time he didn’t, he let her hand grip his shoulder lightly and she could feel his body somewhat relax under her touch. “I have to go.”

Instantly, his shoulder tensed underneath her hand. “No, Marian. Please, don’t do this.”

“I have to, Cullen. You don’t understand.”

“Then make me,” Quickly he turned to face her. “Make me understand why I should let you run off and risk your life again, Marian.”

“Carver is there, Cullen. Carver is going to run into this mess and get himself killed,” She could feel tears welling up in her eyes as she spoke, “I have to protect him, Cullen. I promised my mother I’d always protect him. I can’t...I can’t just stand here and let him die like I let Bethany die, like I let my mother die.” Tears slowly starting working their way down her cheeks as she spoke.

Cullen sighed softly as he let his hands come up to her face. His thumbs wiped away her tears as he stared down at her. “Marian, please don’t make me regret this.” His lips pressed a soft kiss to her forehead. “You go, but you be safe. You make sure to protect yourself, as well. Come home to me, come home to our son.” 

“I promise.” She leaned into his touch, letting her eyes move up to meet his.

“Go get ready, dawn will be here quickly. I’ll be at your room soon. I want to be with you when you talk to Nikolas.” 

“Okay, I’ll see you soon.” Marian began to move away from him, but his hand grabbed her arm pulling her to face him again. His lips found hers quickly, pulling her body close to his. She let herself relax against his chest as her mouth worked against his. When his lips broke away, she tried to lean in to catch his mouth once more.

“Go, Marian.” His voice was slightly stern as he pushed her towards the door. 

“Stop kissing me like that and maybe I’d be a little more willing,” She teased, grinning towards him as she moved towards the door. “I’ll see you soon.”

“Looking forward to it.” She couldn’t see his face, but she knew he was smiling.

Marian got to her room quickly. Her armor was still sitting on a chair in the corner of her room. Blood still covered the white leather, she hadn’t had time to go get it cleaned and repaired. Great, now she had to wear disgusting fucking armor while she marched off to fight possessed Grey Wardens. Things were going so well and had gone to shit so fast. As much as she loved Carver, she didn’t want to do this at all. Marian was sick of fighting, her reckless days ended the day she had Nikolas. But she couldn’t leave Carver, she had to protect him, if anything happened to him it would be her fault. 

Once her armor was on her body she sighed softly. It was so heavy, her body ached under it’s weight. She wasn’t used to wearing heavy leather and metal all the time, and after three weeks of constant additional weight her body longed for a break that was more than a few hours. Her staff was leaning against the wall and once she held it in her hand she could feel her mana sparking. This was something she didn’t miss, her magic rushed through her veins the second she held the staff firm in her grip. It wanted to be used, it begged to be released. Marian felt strong as the sparks played off her fingertips. When she slung her staff over her shoulder she felt confident. Fuck Corypheus, Fuck Livius, Fuck blood mages, everyone of them could try her and everyone of them would find their death.

True to his word, Cullen arrived soon after she finished dressing. He was in his full armor now and his sword and shield were hanging on his shoulders. Marian let her eyes scan over him. Yes, they were about to run off into a very dangerous battle, but she couldn’t help it, Cullen really filled out a suit of armor quite nicely. 

“Enjoying yourself?” A chuckle left Cullen’s lips as he looked down at her.

“Yes, actually.” She looked up at him and winked playfully, “You still look good in armor, I see.”

“Well, thank you. I’m flattered.” He pulled her close and pressed a chaste kiss to her lips. “You look beautiful as always, even though you’re covered in dried blood.”

“I didn’t have time to get my robe cleaned or patched up.”

“Is it safe? No weak points?” His eyes locked on hers and she could see concern clear across his face.

“It’s perfectly safe, Cullen. I’ll be fine, I swear.”

He frowned and nodded slowly. “Shall we wake Nikolas?”

Marian frowned, “I suppose we should. He’s going to be so upset.”

Cullen gave her a gentle squeeze, “We won’t be gone long, Marian.”

“Over a week is long, Cullen.” Marian sighed softly as she started towards Nikolas’ door.

Nikolas was still sound asleep in his bed. Little gold curls fell into face as he snuggled his stuffed rabbit close to his chest. Soft snores were leaving his lips. He looked so peaceful and Marian was about to wake him up and break his little heart. She could feel tears stinging her eyes again as she sat besides him on the bed.

“Nikolas, love,” Marian’s hand stroked his hair softly, “Nikolas, wake up.”

“Mama?” A yawn left Nikolas’ mouth as his eyes began to open. “What’s goin on, mama? Is it breakfast time?”

A weak laugh left her lips as she blinked back hot tears, “No, love. It’s not breakfast time yet. Cullen and I need to talk to you.”

NIkolas stretched his body out before sitting up in bed. The second his eyes actually saw his mother a frown spread across his face. “You’re leaving again.”

A frown formed on Marian’s lips as well. “I have to go help your Uncle Carver, love. He’s in trouble and needs me.”

His eyes moved to Cullen, who was standing behind Marian, and his little eyes went wide. “Is Mister Cullen leaving, too?”

Marian nodded slowly, “Yes, dear. Cullen is coming with me. A lot of people are coming with me. We’re all going to help Uncle Carver.”

“Are you gonna be gone long like last time?” Nikolas’ eyes moved back to his mother.

“No, I’ll be home soon, I promise.” Marian opened her arms up for him. “Can I have a hug?” Nikolas crawled quickly into her lap and wrapped his arms around her neck. Her arms tangled around his body and she pressed a soft kiss to his head. “I love you. I promise I’ll be home soon.”

“I love you, Mama.” His arms squeezed her gently before he broke away. His eyes moved to Cullen and he frowned again.

“Come here, little man.” Cullen moved quickly, scooping Nikolas into his arms. “Your mother will be back soon. I’m going to protect her, so I promise she’ll be safe.”

Nikolas smiled faintly at his father and nodded his head. “Okay, Mister Cullen. Thank you for protecting my mama.”

“You’re welcome, Nikolas. Now, let’s get back in bed. Your Aunt Merrill is coming to watch you, so you can go back to sleep.” Cullen moved towards Nikolas’ bed, setting him down gently and pulling the covers back over his body. 

“I’ll miss you, Mister Cullen.” 

A small smile spread to Cullen’s lips. “I’ll miss you, Nikolas. Go back to bed now, okay?” His hand stoked Nikolas’ hair softly and the boy smiled as he nuzzled back into bed and let his eyes flutter shut.

Marian looked to Cullen and smiled weakly. She was happy, it was beautiful watching their growing relationship. Cullen obviously loved his son and Nikolas was starting to love him too. She hoped Nikolas would soon find out the truth and they could be a happy little family. The three of them together, it was a future Marian looked forward to.

Cullen moved to her side and took her hand in his, squeezing it gently. He knew how hard this was for her, he was experiencing it first hand himself. It was like having a piece of your heart ripped out of your chest, and you just feel empty until you get it back again. They stayed that way for a few minutes, watching as their child slowly drifted back to sleep.

“Come on, we should go.” Cullen’s voice was a whisper as he gave her hand a gentle tug. 

Marian nodded weakly. It was time to go. The sky outside the window was turning a faint pink color on the horizon. The sun was coming up and it was almost time for them to leave. Her eyes stayed on Nikolas for a second longer before she forced herself to her feet and followed Cullen out of the door, her heart crying for her not to leave with every step. 

By the time they made it to the courtyard the sun had barely rose in the sky. Majority of Skyhold was still asleep, except for the people leaving today. Cullen turned to face Marian, a frown on his face.

“I have to go get the soldiers ready. I’m sure the Inquisitor is waiting for you by the gates.” His voice was soft when he spoke. Honey colored eyes slowly moved to meet hers and she felt her stomach drop. There was so much fear, Cullen looked terrified that he was about to leave her side as they marched off into battle. 

“It’ll be okay, Cullen.” Marian’s hand moved to find his, lacing her fingers between his. “I’ll be fine, you’ll be fine, we’ll be fine.” She forced a small smile as she looked up at him.

“You better come home to me, Marian.” His lips moved down to find hers quickly. 

He kissed her hard, his hands coming up to cup her face. He held her to him, his lips moving desperately against hers. She let her body move so she was flush against him and took all of him in. They kissed desperately, not wanting to let each other go. They both loved each other, even if neither of them would say it aloud, they loved each other as much as you could love another person. Both of their hearts were aching when they broke away from each other.

“Be safe.” His voice was a whisper as he pulled away from her.

“You, too.” Marian forced herself to start stepping backwards away from him, but her eyes stayed locked on his face. “I’ll see you at Adamant.”

“I’ll be looking forward to it, Marian.” 

Marian couldn’t help but smile slightly as she turned on her heel. Her feet moved quickly, rushing towards the gates. The sun was up now, dawn had came, and she was late. She could see the group sitting atop their horses at the gates and hurried towards them. Everyone was waiting for her, of course.

“Sorry I’m late.” Marian pulled herself up onto the back of her horse. 

“Don’t worry about it, Hawke.” Ayla gave her a small smile before looking to the group. “Everyone ready? Stay safe, stick with the group. We’re aiming to reach Adamant at the same time as Cullen and the troops. If we move fast we can make it in three days.”

“Oi, why don’t we just travel with them? Make things easier, yeah?” Sera spoke up before shoving a pastry into her mouth.

“Everyone is traveling in groups, Sera. The troops are splitting into groups of three. Leliana has her archers going in two different teams. Then there’s us. We want to him them from every angle.” Ayla spoke again and the elf nodded as she munched on her pastry. “Okay, let’s head out!” Ayla’s heels kicked into her horse and she took off.

There was nothing in front of them but wilderness. Snow began falling from the sky as their horses hurried down the mountain top. They stayed at a steady pace, moving quickly for hours. Only stopping for the horses to rest a little while before picking it back up. Everyone wanted to reach Adamant, but no one more than Marian. Getting to Adamant meant getting to Carver, getting to Adamant meant getting back to Cullen. All Marian wanted was to get this Grey Warden blood magic bullshit over with, save her brother, and go home. She just wanted to go home and be with her family; her beautiful child and the beautiful man she wanted to spend her life with. Going home meant she got to tell Cullen the truth, she was finally ready to tell him. As soon as they were back home and in each other’s arms she finally going to say the three words that had been lingering on her lips for so long. She knew he’d say it back, then they’d tell Nikolas the truth. After that they’d be a real family, and that was all the really mattered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Boring chapter. I know. :(   
> But, we all know what it's leading up too and that's going to be plenty of excitement to make up for this chapter. :)  
> Hope everyone's enjoying!  
> Let me know what you think. :)


	18. Here Lies the Abyss Pt. 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marian and Ayla march on Adamant.

Adamant was already under siege by the time Marian and the Inquisitor arrived with their parties. The night sky was bright with fire as trebuchets shot fireballs towards the fortresses walls. Possessed Grey Warden’s were at the top of the fortress, shouting down at the attackers. Archers were attempting to snipe the soldiers below them, but the fireballs constantly bombarding them made it difficult to get a clean shot. The Inquisition soldiers had managed to get a battering ram setup, preparing to breach the gates.

Having left the horses behind, Marian and Ayla ran towards the front of the troops. Marian’s eyes were going wild, searching everywhere for bright blonde curls. She just wanted to see Cullen one last time, kiss him one last time, before the two of them ran off into this mess. Her heart had been crying for him for days and she didn’t want to wait any longer.

They were almost at the gates when she finally saw the golden curls at the front of the troops. Cullen. Marian could see him, shouting encouragement to his soldiers. All in all, besides for blood on his armor, he looked fine. Her heart felt relieved and all she wanted was to run into his arms, but he hadn’t seen her. Cullen was busy directing the men and women tearing down the doors to the fortress.

“Go!” His voice rang out clear over the screams of dying Wardens.

The was a loud crunch, it filled the air, as the door crumbled inward. The Inquisition soldiers rushed forward, heading straight into the fortress. Ayla, Marian, and their parties followed behind the sea of troops, their weapons at the ready. Marian’s heart was in her throat now; Cullen had disappeared as the doors came down and now she couldn’t find him anywhere.

Then the fight started; Grey Wardens and Shades rushed forward, their weapons and claws at the ready. Marian and Ayla’s parties were prepared, and all broke off into teams taking enemies down one by one. They were fast and cleaned the courtyard quickly, leaving bodies in pools of blood behind them. 

“Marian!” 

Cullen. His voice was behind her and she spun on her heel to face him. He was there, covered in blood and his sword in his hand, but he was there and Marian was running to him. It only took seconds for their bodies to collide and his arms to snake around his waist, pulling her body flush against his. She let her face nuzzle into the crook of his neck as she wrapped her arms around him. After three days they were finally together again and her heart was soaring. For three days she had been on edge, terrified something would happen to him, and now he was here and she couldn’t believe it. Quickly, his lips moved down to hers, pressing a hard kiss against her lips. When her hands moved up to find his face, he pulled away suddenly.

“Not here, not now. I’m just relieved to see you’re alive and safe.” His words were whispers for only here to hear. “I have to go talk to the Inquisitor, but after this is all over I promise I’ll find you.” He pressed one last chaste kiss to her lips, “Stay safe, my dear Marian.” 

As he walked towards Ayla, Marian could feel the words hanging on her lips. Three little words. Oh, how she wanted to say it, she wanted to scream it for everyone to hear. She loved him. She, Marian Hawke, loved Cullen Rutherford and they had a beautiful child together. But not now, this was not the place for those three important words to slip out. When she told him that it needed to be special, it needed to be right. 

Marian followed on Cullen’s heels over to Ayla. The Inquisitor nodded towards him and he returned it.

“Inquisitor, you have your way in. Best make use of it. We’ll keep the main host of demons occupied for as long as we can.” Cullen spoke to the Ayla, but it was loud enough for all to hear.

Marian could feel heart drop. He was going to fighting demons? In reality, she was in much more danger than him, but she couldn’t keep herself from wishing she could go with him and keep him safe. She also needed to find Carver; he was somewhere in this mess, he was why she agreed to come here in the first place. 

“Don’t take any chances, Cullen,” Ayla looked up to him as she spoke, “Keep our men safe as well as you can.”

“You have my word, Inquisitor.” Cullen let his eyes move to Marian’s for a moment, “We heard the Grey Warden Carver was on the battlements helping our soldiers until you arrive.”

Marian felt her heart drop again. Carver was out there fighting right now, he was fighting fucking demons all on his own and she was standing here doing nothing.

“We need to go!” Marian spoke up, “Your soldiers cannot hold them back on the battlements! We need to help them before we lose this!”

“Let’s fucking go!” Ayla screamed as she ran forward, pulling her sword from it’s hilt. The party followed after her, all readying their weapons.

“Marian,” Cullen’s hand found hers, keeping her with him for a moment, “I know you must go, but please stay safe. Please come home to me.” 

“I promise.” Her lips reached up to brush against his quickly. “You do the same.” Her hand pulled away from his and she forced her eyes to break his gaze. She had to leave now, or else she never would. Quickly, she spun on her heel, taking off after Ayla and their party. She could feel Cullen’s eyes watching her as she ran, and she wished more than anything that she could have stayed at his side.

By the time she caught up with the party, they were battling Warden mages and Shades on the battlements. Iron Bull cut a mage’s head clean off his shoulders with his battle axe, and Ayla was busy gutting a Shade clean open. Everyone had a target, everyone was slaughtering their enemies. They were clearing the battlements and they were only growing stronger. Every time they pushed forward more Inquisition troops made it into the fortress, and the more troops they had inside the better. For a moment, it looked liked things were going in the Inquisitor’s favor.

Then they found Carver. He and a handful on Inquisition soldiers were fighting a giant pride demon. It was roaring as it’s arms thrashed wildly, knocking one soldier into the air and down to the ground below. Carver’s sword was swinging desperately, trying to find flesh as he dodged incoming blows. He was doing well, until his foot slipped and he went down. The demon noticed and his claws were coming down to rake clean across Carver’s body.

But instead of finding flesh, the claws found a barrier that shocked back with electricity the moment it was touched. The beast roared out as it stumbled slightly in surprise, then Ayla and Marian’s parties started closing in on it.

“Carver, move!” Marian yelled towards her little brother who was lying on the ground, “I can’t hold this fucking barrier forever!”

Carver jumped to his feet, running away from the demon. “Nice to see you, sister! Thanks for that!”

“Shut the fuck up and kill that damn thing!” Marian yelled, aiming her staff towards the demon. 

Everyone focused on the demon; Ayla, Bull, Blackwall, Carver, and Bela, were surrounding it’s feet, slashing wilding in every direction. Varric and Sera were shooting arrows from a distance, aiming for the beast’s eyes. Solas and Marian stayed in the back, protecting with barriers when they were needed and throwing fire and ice when they could. 

Finally, the demon fell. Everyone was out of breath and completely exhausted, but Carver spoke and his eyes were full of sadness.

“Already too many of them are slaves to Corypheus...it’s only going to get worse.” His voice was almost breaking near the end.

“Carver,” Marian gripped her brother’s shoulder lightly, “We’re going to take care of this. We just have to keep moving.” Carver gave a weak nod, but Marian could see him holding tears back. Carver, the one that was always so strong and so proud, was finally breaking as he watched his world fall apart around him. 

“Let’s move out, we’ll try to save who we can.” Ayla spoke softly, turning as began to lead the  
group on.

Carver let the back of his hand find his eyes, wiping the tears away before anyone else saw them. He shook Marian’s hand from his shoulder and chased after the party, Marian following at his heels. 

They continued along the battlements, helping troops as they came along them. The sounds of battle filled the sky; magic flying, metal striking metal, screams as people fell. The scent of blood was lingering in the air from the dead bodies and blood magic. What the fuck were the Wardens doing here? How could they have resorted to this, to fucking blood magic?

When they came across the Warden’s gathered in front of Livius and a woman Marian assumed was Clarel, Marian wanted to vomit. The stench of blood was heavy in the air now, and a dead Grey Warden laid in front of the woman’s feet, his throat slit clean. 

“Stop them!” Livius rushed forward, his voice loud enough for all to hear, “We must complete the ritual!”

Ayla signaled for her party to put their weapons away before moving forwards towards the group of Wardens. Marian stayed at her side, her eyes scanning over the woman in front of them. If this was Clarel she certainly fit the part of Warden Commander. She was dressed in Grey Warden armor and her staff was hanging across her shoulders. Her light colored hair was buzzed short and her eyes were very stern as she looked towards the party in front of her. 

“Carel, if you complete that ritual you’re doing exactly what he wants!” Ayla yelled out, her eyes pleading with the woman. “Do not do this!”

“What, fighting the Blight?” Livius spoke again, “Who doesn’t want a world free from Darkspawn?”

“You are lying to them!” Marian yelled out, “Blood magic is never right, no matter what the outcome! The cost is never worth it! You’re losing your humanity, you’re no better than darkspawn!”

“How dare you insult the Wardens for doing their duty? It is their job to end the Blight!” Livius countered her and Marian’s eyes glared towards him. 

Carver was ready though. “Did you tell them how after the ritual you bind the mages to Corypheus? Or did you just forget to mention that part?” His voice was harsh as he yelled towards the Magister,

“Corypheus?” Clarel was speaking now, her voice stunned, “But he’s dead…”

“These people will say anything to shake your confidence, Clarel.” Livius was in her ear again, urging her to continue.

“Do it.” Clarel broke, ordering the mages to continue.

Any they did; all of the Warden mages pulled their mana forth, giving themselves over to the spell. Marian could feel the mana singing in the air, it was strong, very strong. Livius looked almost awestruck as he watched the spell tear open a fade rift, and Clarel looked slightly terrified that she had made a giant mistake.

“You are my brothers! Please, stop the madness!” Carver cried out to his fellow Wardens, his voice a desperate plea.

“Brothers! Sisters! Listen to us, do not do this! This is not how we end the Blight!” Blackwall was crying out as well.

Some of the Wardens looked to their brothers, then their eyes went up to their leader, almost questioning her. Clarel’s eyes softened as she looked towards Livius.

“Clarel, you’ve come so far, you must finish this!” Livius was still edging her on, pushing her to pull the demon forth.

“Maybe there is another way? Without any further bloodshed?” Her voice was soft as she looked to the man in front of her. Marian could see in her eyes she didn’t want to kill anyone else, she was just desperate.

“Next time I’ll bring a more reliable ally,” Livius’ voice was a hiss as he glared towards the woman in front of him. His attention turned towards Ayla and he pulled his staff from his shoulders. “My master warned me you might come here, Inquisitor! He sent me this to welcome you!” The butt of the staff hit the ground twice, sparking bright red magic each time.

Then they all heard the screech of a dragon. It was massive, even from a distance, but it closed in quickly. It’s cries filled the air as it’s massive body loomed over head. The scales were pitch black and it’s massive wings were ripped and tattered. The beast came down, landing on the top of the battlements, and looked to it’s master.

Livius was grinning towards the beast, but Clarel was behind him. Her eyes were hot with rage as she looked towards the Magister that had been playing her all along, the man that made her kill her brothers. She let her magic free, zapping Livius with electricity. His body buckled to the ground and the dragon let out an earth shaking roar.

“Clarel...wait…” Livius spoke quietly, pushing himself up from the ground.

But Clarel was having none of it, she let her staff swing shooting magic directly at the beast. The dragon cried out and let it’s own power free, shooting red lyrium directly towards the woman. Clarel barely dodged the spell in time and fell backwards to the ground. As she pushed herself up she saw Livius running away.

“Help the Inquisitor!” Her voice called out to her Wardens, but her feet carried her off towards the Magister.

Then the pride demon came forward from the fade rift, it’s demonic laugh filling the sky. Shades followed at it’s heels, their claws at the ready. When the demon decided to stomp towards Carver, Marian let her magic fly. The group worked together, all dancing the rough dance that was battle. Varric tossed smoke bomb, blinding the shades, so Isabela could slip in and gut them with her blades. Sera was tossing homemade bee grenades at the pride demon, sending swarms all over it’s body. The beast was roaring, and Sera was in a fit of giggles as she pulled her bow from her back. Ayla was at the demon’s backside with Bull. Their eyes met for a second and she nodded, taking off towards him. Bull lifted her off the ground, throwing her directly towards the demon. Ayla’s sword was high above her head, ready to strike, and it sank into the demon’s head. 

The beast let out a loud pained roar. It’s hands went for it’s head, but Ayla let herself fall to the ground before it could catch her in it’s claws. The demon stumbled for a second, trying to hit at them, but fell to the ground and the light slowly faded from it’s eyes.

“Come on!” Ayla yelled out, pulling her sword out of the demon’s skull, “We need to find Clarel!”

“She went this way!” Marian yelled out, her feet taking off in the direction Clarel and Livius went.

The party followed at her heels. All of them were exhausted at this point, but they were so close. They’d be able to stop Livius and put a damper in Corypheus’ plans, they just needed to catch up to them.

But, the Red Lyrium Dragon wasn’t finished with them yet. It cried out, circling above them in the sky. They all ran, darting for cover as the dragon shot red lyrium where they were just standing. They kept running, moving as fast as they could, trying to dart the red lyrium nipping as their bodies. So close, so close, Clarel and Livius were visible in the distance now. She had him cornered on a bridge, and he was desperately trying to hit her with his magic, but everyone of his spells bounced off her barriers.

“You’ve destroyed the Grey Wardens!” Her voice cried out as she struck with her magic, knocking him backwards.

Livius chuckled as he laid on the ground. “You did that yourself, you stupid bitch.” He pushed himself up so he could face her, a grin on his lips as blood spilled from his now split lip. “I dangled a little power in your face and you couldn’t wait to get your hands bloody.”

Clarel yelled out in frustration, swinging her staff towards him. Her magic struck his chest, sending him flying backwards across the ground. Clarel closed the gap between them, her staff ready to take his life as he withered in pain on the ground.

“You could have served a new god.” Livius’ voice was a broken whisper when he spoke.

“I will never serve the Blight!” Clarel yelled out, aiming her staff at his body.

But just before she could take his life, the Red Lyrium Dragon dropped down behind her. It’s jaws clamped around Clarel’s body, before taking off into the sky. For a second, it shook her around viciously in it’s mouth, like a dog would with a toy. Then it tossed her away, letting her now lifeless body fall to the ground.

The dragon’s attention turned to Marian and her party now. The beast landed hard on the ground before them, shaking the earth. It started closing the distance between them, snarls leaving it’s jaws as it crawled towards the group. They all backed away, knowing they were completely cornered now. It kept coming, pushing them closer and closer to the edge of the bridge. Just as it’s body was positioned over Clarel’s body, she stirred.

“In war, victory…” Her voice was pained as she choked words out, “In peace, vigilance!” And with the last bit of life in her body, Clarel pulled all of her mana forwards and towards the dragon. The beast stumbled in shock and fell, making the entire bridge quake and start to crumple under it’s body. The dragon slid, it’s claws desperately trying to find something to grip into, but they found nothing but air as it slipped over the edge and down into the water below.

The whole bridge was falling apart underneath them now; the stones were crumbling and falling in pieces to the dark water far below. The edge was moving closer and closer to where they were all standing.

“Fucking run!” Ayla cried out.

Everyone took off, running as fast as they could. The bridge was still collapsing behind them, only mere feet behind their heels. They couldn’t move fast enough, it wasn’t possible. Then Marian felt her footing slip and she was down. Her body was sliding down towards the water. This was it, this was how she was going die. No, this couldn’t be it. Nikolas needed her, Cullen needed her. She never even got to tell him the truth about how she felt. Her eyes fluttered shut, if she was going to die she at least wanted to picture her beautiful boys before she went. Her memory went to the night before, the two of them on the couch. Nikolas was propped up between his father legs while Cullen read him a bedtime story; it was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen and she let herself think about that as her body came crashing down to the water below her.

Then the world felt really slow, everything had been slown down. Instead of falling, Marian felt like she was standing. Her feet were flat on something and she was standing. When her eyes finally managed to flutter open a gasp left her lips. The air smelled sweet and was heavy with the scent of magic and Marian knew exactly where she was; the Fade. 

“Where the fuck are we?” Isabela snapped as she rose from the ground. “What the fuck! Varric why are you on the bloody ceiling?” 

“You’re on the ceiling, Bela, not me! Look at Hawke! She’s standing on the fucking walls!” Varric had a grin on his face. “Am I fucking dreaming?”

“We’re in the Fade.” Marian spoke up.

“Oi! You best be fucking joking! I don’t do this creepy magicy shite, alright? Where the fuck are we and what the fuck is going on?” Sera was screaming, her large eyes dating around wildly.

“What the Champion says is true,” Solas’ soft voice came forward, “We are definitely in the Fade.” An almost awe like look was on his face. 

“Are you fucking happy about this? You elfy elves are as smart as fucking nugs!” Sera yelled towards Solas’ before stomping away to find her bow.

Marian looked towards Carver, who gave her a small nod signaling her that he was okay. “Ayla, how did we get here?” Her attention turned towards the Inquisitor, who looked astonished.

“I..I...I don’t know, I think I used the mark to open a rift,” Her eyes stared down at her glowing hand, “I really don’t know.”

“That is likely, Inquisitor. Your mark is very powerful.” Solas spoke again, smiling towards his fellow elf.

“Well how the fuck do we get out of here?” Iron Bull’s voice came up now.

“Inquisitor, the stories say you walked out of the Fade at Haven, was it like this?” Marian looked back towards Ayla.

“I still don’t remember.” Her shoulders shrugged as her brows furrowed. 

“The demons came through the rift near the main hall, can we escape that way?” Carver chimed in, looking towards the Inquisitor.

“It’s worth a shot, let’s go.” Ayla readied her sword as she began moving forward, “Everyone stay armed, we don’t know what to expect here.”

Marian stayed at Ayla’s side, her staff ready to swing magic free at anytime. Her mind was here, but her heart was not. Her heart was screaming right now. Marian was trapped in the fucking Fade, she didn’t know if she’d ever be able to escape. And her beautiful son and the love of her life were outside waiting for her. What if they couldn’t escape? What if she was trapped here forever and never got to see her beautiful boys again? Tears were stinging her eyes and she forced them down. There would be no crying, not right now, right now she was going to get out of the fucking Fade.

The rift the planned on escaping out of was high in the sky above them. It looked so far away and Marian was wondering how the were supposed to reach it in the first place. Everyone was on edge, weapons at the ready, They all just wanted to leave, well everyone except for Solas. Solas was loving the whole thing, and despite everyone’s protests he had to keep on telling them how fascinating and beautiful everything was.

It didn’t take long for things to get weird in the Fade, well weirder. Besides for being attacked by random spirits everything had been going pretty well. That was until the saw the women standing a few feet in front of them. She was in the Divine’s clothing...wait, she was the Divine. The Divine was standing in front of them, but how was that even possible?

“Maker, could it really be?” Marian was shocked as she looked towards the woman in front of her.

“I greet you, Warden, and you, Champion.” Her voice was soft as she smiled towards Marian and Carver. 

“Is it really you? Divine Justinia?” Carver was just as stunned as Marian.

“We must be cautious, Inquisitor.” Solas spoke softly, “You never know with the Fade. That could indeed be the Divine, or it could be a demon.”

“You doubt my survival, yet here you stand?” Justinia’s voice was teasing as she spoke. “Proving my existence would require time we do not have.”

“Tell us what you are?” Marian’s eyes scanned over the woman. It couldn’t be the Divine, there was no way. The real Divine had died when the Conclave exploded, Corypheus had killed her.

“I am here to help you.” The Divine’s attention turned to Ayla, “You do not remember the Temple of Sacred Ashes, Inquisitor. “

“How do you know who I am?” Ayla’s eyes narrowed at the woman in front of her.

“I know because examined memories like yours, stolen by the demon that serves Corypheus.” Her eyes moved to the rift high in the sky as she spoke, “It feeds off memories of fear and darkness, growing fat upon the terror.” Justinia turned to face Ayla again, “The false calling used to trick the Wardens? It’s work.”

“Where is this Nightmare?” Carver’s voice was a hiss as his fingers flexed on his sword’s grip.

“You will have your chance, Warden.” Her attention moved to Carver, “This place is it’s lair.”

“How do I kill it?” Ayla hissed, flexing grip on her own sword.

“You kill it by leading your people and defeating Corypheus.”

“That’s not what I meant.” Ayla pressed her lips into a line as she looked towards Justina.

She sighed and frowned towards her. “I know. You will get your chance against it, but first when you left the Fade at Haven, the Nightmare took a piece of you. You must get it back to do anything else.”

“Well how do I do that?” Ayla almost sounded annoyed at this point.

“I can give some of them to you, if you come to me.”

“Ayla, I don’t know about this.” Marian eyed the Divine. “This is how demons act, you should be cautious.”

“Be ready to attack, Hawke.” Ayla nodded towards her, before moving forward towards the woman. Her eyes narrowed as she stared at her. When the woman reached up to touch her face, Ayla flenched away instantly. It took her a moment to relax, before allowing the Divine to touch her face. Then her eyes shut and she leaned into the woman’s hand.

Marian’s hand stayed on her staff, waiting for sign that she needed to attack. One little thing and Marian would let all her magic go on this thing calling itself the Divine. She was ready, so ready, but the Ayla’s eyes blinked open. 

“My mark...my mark came from Corypheus?” Her voice was shocked, and almost sounded sad.

“He intended to use that anchor to tear open the veil and open the door the the Black City, not for the Old Gods, for himself. When you disrupted his plan, the orb gave you the anchor instead.” The Divine explained as best she good, and her voice almost sounded sympathetic for the Inquisitor.

“I never thought Andraste did this, but still...Corypheus…” Ayla’s eyes stayed focused on glowing marked hand, her face puzzled.

“The Nightmare knows you’re here now, you must make haste. You must collect your memories, I’ll prepare the way ahead. Be quick, Inquisitor!” Then she was gone, disappearing into nothing.

When Ayla turned back to the group Marian immediately noticed her eyes; they looked terrified, but no one else seemed to noticed. Ayla must have forced a any emotions she was feeling into a box and locked them away, because when she spoke no one else seemed to noticed she was troubled except for Marian.

“You guys ready to get out of the fucking Fade?” Ayla had a grin on her face, and Marian honestly couldn’t tell if it was real or not.

“Let’s fucking goooooooo!” Bull screamed, throwing his fists into the air,

“I’m with Bull! Let’s get outta this creepy fucking place!” Sera threw one of her fists into the air.

Soon enough everyone in the party had their fists in the air, even Fade loving Solas. Everyone was grinning and ready to fight their way through the Fade. How hard could a Nightmare demon be? Marian had fought Corypheus and lived. Hell, she fought a dragon alongside these same seven people and lived, as far as she was concerned this demon was done for. And when they all started off deeper into the Nightmare’s lair, she felt confident that they were going to be fine. Everything was going to be okay, they’d get a little scratched up, but nothing major. All they had to do was find Ayla’s memories and fight the Nightmare first, how hard could that be? Then, after making sure Carver was safe and sound, Marian could go home and be with her boys and that was all she wanted right now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope everyone's enjoying! :)  
> Also, are my chapters too long? I worry sometimes.  
> Let me know what you think!


	19. Here Lies the Abyss Pt. 2

It felt like it had been hours now. Hours of running through the Fade, fighting demons, shades, whatever was thrown in their path. Marian’s entire body ached; her shoulders were screaming from the heavy weight of her armor and staff, her legs tired from running, and randoms cuts and bruises were starting to cover her skin. She wasn’t the only one; everyone was exhausted and covered in random enemies’ guts by this point. But, they had to keep going, they were so close to recovering the rest of Ayla’s memories and finding the Nightmare that ruled this hellhole.

The Divine, or demon calling itself the Divine, was leading the way, taking them deeper and deeper into the Nightmare’s lair. The Nightmare knew they were coming, it’s voice taunted overhead ringing clean into everyone’s ears.

“Ah, we have a visitor. Some silly little girl comes to steal the fear I kindly lifted from her shoulders. You should have thanked me and left your fear remain forgotten. You think that pain makes you stronger? Who told you such nonsense? The only one who grows stronger through your fear is me,” A loud chuckle rang through the sky. “But, you are a guest in my home. Let me return what you have forgotten.”

Marian could see Ayla tense besides her. Her fingers tightened on the hilt of her sword as she mumbled something in elven underneath her breath. Marian couldn’t tell whether the Inquisitor was angry or terrified, but she stayed at her side with her staff at the ready. Her own heart was pounding in her chest; she was terrified. As a mage she had visited the Fade before, but it was always in dreams, never like this, and this was nothing like her dreams.

They kept moving, getting closer to the rift that was far away from them in the sky. No matter how much they walked, it never seemed like they would reach the tear.

“Perhaps I should be afraid, facing the most powerful members of the Inquisition,” The voice taunted them again, “Like Blackwall; there’s nothing like a Grey Warden, and you are _nothing_ like a Grey Warden. “

“I’ll show you a Warden’s strength, beast!” Blackwall yelled out, thrusting his sword towards the air.

“Ignore it,” Solas turned towards the Warden as they walked. “Do not listen to it’s words.”

“Dirth ma, harellan. Ma banal enasalin. Mar solas ena mar din,” The Nightmare spoke again, in elven that only Solas understood.

“Banal nadas,” His eyes narrowed as he replied, but his feet stayed straight on the path ahead.

“Did you think you mattered, Hawke? Did you think anything you ever did mattered?” It’s taunts moved to Marian, “You couldn’t even save your city, how were you of all people supposed to strike down a god? Cullen and Nikolas are going to die, just like your family, and everyone you ever care about. You are a poison; you kill everyone you touch.”

Hawke could feel her entire body go hot with rage and should could feel her mana sparking at her fingertips. This thing was going to regret ever saying those words. She was going to be the one to kill it; just liked she killed the Arishok, Orsino, Meredith and Corypheus. This fucking thing was going to die at her hands. Marian Hawke was not fucking poison; yes, she failed her mother and sister, but she would never fail Cullen, Nikolas or Carver. She’d protect the three of them even if it meant risking her own life.

“I’m going to enjoy killing this thing,” Marian’s voice was a hiss as she flexed her fingers around her staff.

“I’m with you, Hawke,” Blackwall nodded in her direction.

“We’ll kill it soon enough,” Ayla spoke up from the front of the group. “The Divine is right there, we have to be close now.” Her feet broke into a run and everyone followed at her heels.

“The Nightmare is closer now. It knows you seek escape. With each moment it grows stronger.” The Divine looked towards the Inquisitor, “I must give you the rest of your memories now.”

“Fine. Let’s hurry this along,” Ayla stepped closer to the woman. The Divine let her hand rise up to Ayla’s face, cupping it lightly. The Inquisitor’s eyes shut as she relaxed into the touch, letting the memories return to her mind. When her eyes opened a frown formed across her lips. “It was you,” Her voice was soft as she looked up to woman, “It was never Andraste, it was you. The Divine saved me...but then you...she died.”

The Divine nodded and smiled faintly, “Yes.”

“So what are you then? A spirit?” Marian spoke up, her eyes looking towards the thing calling itself the Divine.

“Whatever it is, it could be working for Corypheus.” Isabela chimed in, glaring towards the woman.

“If you believe that, strike me down,” The Divine spoke again, her eyes resting on Isabela. Then her body started to glow. It started with her eyes, then mouth, then her whole body was taken in by bright orange light as it lifted from the ground. The light took a new form; it was a woman’s shape, but orange with glowing light as it floated above the bewildered group of people standing below it.

“Whatever you are, you’ve helped us,” Ayla looked up to the thing floating above her head. “We just need to get out of the Fade.”  
“Yes, so we can take care of the fucking blood mage Wardens currently destroying Adamant. At least we know they killed the Divine,” Hawke snapped, her brows furrowing.

“The Wardens responsible for that were under Corypheus’ control!” Carver’s voice rose, yelling towards his older sister. “We shouldn’t be talking about this, we can discuss it when we get back to Adamant.”

Marian turned, facing her brother. “Which is filled with Wardens who made blood sacrifices to raise a demon army!”

“How dare you judge us!” Carver bellowed. “You tore Kirkwall apart and started the fucking mage rebellion.”

“I was protecting innocent fucking mages, Carver! Not madmen drunk on blood magic!” She stepped towards her brother, poking him in the chest with her finger, “Your brothers have gone mad! We need to stop them!”

“Hey, stop it!” Varric rush in, separating the siblings that were about to attack each other, “You two need to calm down!”

“Hawke, Warden, please,” Ayla turned to face the two of them, “Let’s wait until we’re out of danger, then you two can go back to being brother and sister.” A teasing smile was spreading on her lips.

Marian couldn’t hold back a soft laugh and nodded her head, stepping away from Carver. “Sorry, Inquisitor.”

“It’s fine, everyone’s on edge. Let’s just get…” Ayla’s words stopped short, distracted by the people she was talking to. Carver and Marian’s eyes were going wide with fear, and when she turned around she saw why; demons were rushing towards them, ready to attack.

“The Nightmare has found us,” The Divine spoke again, before disappearing into the air.

Ayla rushed forward with Carver at her side, slashing at the demons that were coming towards them. Marian put a barrier around them, keeping them safe from the talons that would rip them apart. Isabela tossed a smoke bomb in their direction, blinding the demons, as she rushed to their side. Sera and Varric stayed on the sidelines with Solas, letting their arrows sink into demon’s flesh as Solas stunned them with magic. When all the demons laid dead at their feet they were all breathless and covered in fresh blood.

“Let’s fucking go,” Ayla’s voice was a groan as she wiped blood away from her face. “The Divine, spirit, whatever the hell she is, she’s getting us out of here.” Her feet took off down the path and her party followed at her heels, eager to leave this hellhole.

They kept running, leaving a trail of demon and shade corpses behind them. They were getting closer; the rift was nearing them in the distance. Everyone was worn out and had minor wounds by this point. The healing potions had run out long ago and Marian and Solas could only do so much with magic. They just had to keep moving, keep pushing themselves a little further. Marian was walking besides Carver and Varric, using her magic to heal a gash in Varric’s shoulder, when Bull spoke up.

“Is that a fucking graveyard?”

“Let’s check it out,” Ayla replied, moving towards it.

It certainly looked like a graveyard, even in the distance. It was a small grassy area with a wooden fence around the perimeter. As they got closer they could see tombstones coming up from the ground in three small rows. There was one for each of them. Everyone found their own, staring down at it and taking in the words carved into the stones.

**Blackwall- Himself**   
**Solas- Dying alone**   
**Sera- The nothing**   
**Varric- Became his parents**   
**Iron Bull- Madness**   
**Isabela- Abandoned**   
**Ayla- The past**   
**Carver- Sacrifice**

Hawke’s eyes narrowed as she stared down at her own tombstone. One word was carved into the rock and she couldn’t bring her eyes to look at it again. **Rutherford**. The name of her lover and the true name of her son, the two things that she would willingly die for. Anger filled her stomach and she kicked the stone with the tip of her boot. No, Cullen and Nikolas would not be the death of her, they gave her more life than anything else in the world.

“Fuck this. Let’s move,” Apparently Ayla’s tombstone had annoyed her as well; her voice was a hiss when she spoke and her feet stomped into the ground when she started to walk away.

The party followed after their leader, but Marian took a second. Her eyes found Ayla’s tombstone and her brow cocked. **The past**. What happened to her? Her eyes moved to find Carver’s next and she almost laughed. **Sacrifice**. That sounded more like Marian than Carver, she was the one constantly saving people. She turned on her heel, chasing after the group, letting the stupid tombstones fade away from her mind.

When they found the glowing woman that once was the Divine she was standing in front of a barrier. This was is it; past that barrier the Nightmare was waiting for them as was their way home. The woman tore it free, letting the party run through as she floated alongside them.

“You must get to the rift, Inquisitor!” She yelled towards Ayla, “Get through and slam it shut with all your strength! This will banish the army of demons and exile this cursed creature to the furthest reaches of the Fade.”

“We’re almost there!” Ayla yelled out to her party.

They all ran, moving their legs as fast as they could, towards the tear in the fade. It was close, only a little bit further and they would be back at Adamant. They had done it; walked in the fade, survived, and brought down Corypheus’ demon army. All they had to do was run through it.

Then the Nightmare roared out; it loomed above them, blocking the rift with it’s massive body. It looked like a spider, but was the size of a dragon. Giant fangs sharp enough to pierce through any armor came from it’s mouth and eight massive legs jutted out from it’s body, ready to stomp their bodies to the ground. Hundreds of tiny eyes locked onto the party and the beast roared out again, ready to kill.

“If you could, tell Leliana I’m sorry,” The glowing woman pushed forward, throwing her body at the beast.

It roared out as the spirit exploded towards it’s body, sending blinding light all around. The spider stumbled backwards, trying to escape the light, and a demon came forth in it’s place. The demon floated above their heads, shrieking loud enough that Hawke though her ears were bleeding. Spider like legs sharp enough to stab through armor sprouted from its back.

The demon rushed towards the party quickly, slashing at them with it’s claws. Ayla let out a yelp as one of it’s legs pressed into her shoulder, breaking through her armor and into her flesh. She slashed with her sword, cutting the limb clean off it’s body and causing the demon to cry out. The demon’s attention stayed on her as she tried to flee to safety.

“Protect the Inquisitor!” Hawke screamed out, throwing a barrier to cover Ayla from the demon as she ran.

Bull and Blackwall rushed towards the demon’s back as Varric sent arrows deep into it’s flesh. It distracted the demon just enough to break its chase after Ayla. Another shriek left its black hole of a mouth as it turned to slash towards Bull. Bull rolled just in time to miss claws raking across his chest and Blackwall took the chance to sink his sword into the demon’s back.

Marian ran, her feet taking her to where Ayla was hiding. She knew there were no health potions, the only chance Ayla had was if Solas or Marian used their magic to heal her. Solas was busy protecting Blackwall and Bull while they bombarded the demon, so Marian took off after Ayla. She was hiding behind a rock; her hand pressed to her shoulder as she tried to slow the blood pouring from the wound. Her large eyes moved up the Marian and tears were visible.

“Move your hands,” Hawke quickly moved to her side. Ayla listened and pulled her bloodstained palms away from her shoulder. The wound was deep, clean into her shoulder, and Marian knew her magic wouldn’t be enough to heal it. A frown came to her lips as her brows furrowed; the only option was to cauterize it. “Get ready, this is going to hurt,” Marian’s voice was soft as she pulled her magic forward to her fingers. Ayla screamed out as the magic burnt her skin shut around the wound.

“What the fuck, Hawke!” Ayla hissed, flenching away from her.

“I had to stop the fucking bleeding. Now come here and let me heal you!” Marian hissed in reply. Ayla glared towards her, but let the magic rush over her body and heal her slightly. “There. You’re not fully healed, but it’s better than bleeding out. Now let’s fucking go!” She didn’t wait for a response as she ran back towards the demon.

Carver and Iron Bull were in front of the demon, slashing wildly with their swords. Blackwall was off to the side and Solas was trying to heal a wound on his leg. Isabela was trying to distract the demon with smoke bombs to no avail. Varric was behind the demon, shooting arrows from Bianca, with Sera at his side. Ayla ran in, joining Carver and Bull with slashing the demon and Marian found her place in battle, sending magic flying towards the beast.

They fought for what seemed like forever; everyone found their place, bombarding the demon with attacks. It screamed out, trying to rake it’s claw across flesh or stab someone with the legs coming out of it’s back. The party kept up; they were exhausted, ready to fall to their feet, but they kept fighting. Once they killed this fucker they could escape, and it couldn’t be long before the demon finally fell.

Finally, the demon was weak enough for Hawke to stun it with her electricity. Ayla took the chance to let Bull throw her into the air, straight towards the demon. Her sword slashed out, finding the beast’s neck and sending its head flying to the floor. The demon was dead, they could finally go home.

“Move!” Ayla’s voice yelled out and her feet started towards the rift.

Everyone took off, flying towards their freedom. Only feet separated them from the rift, they were so close. Ayla had just turned, ushering everyone to run through the rift before her, when everyone stopped in their place. Marian’s eyes went wide with fear and her heart stopped in her chest; the spider had returned. A roar went through the air as Ayla darted away from the beast.

“We need to clear a path!” Hawke’s voice yelled out.

“Go!” Carver screamed running towards them, his sword in hand. “I’ll cover you just fucking run!”

Marian’s eyes went wide in shock as she stared towards her brother. “No, fucking no, Carver! I’m not leaving you here to die.”

“The Wardens caused this, let me fix it.” His eyes pleaded with hers. “Please, Marian, Nikolas needs you.”

“No! I don’t fucking care, there has to be some other way!”

Another roar from the beast ripped through the sky.

“We don’t have time for this! Inquisitor, take my sister home.” Carver’s eyes moved towards Ayla.

“We will honor you, Warden Carver,” Ayla nodded towards him. “Bull, grab Hawke. Everyone run!”

In a split second Carver took off towards the beast, his sword drawn. Marian screamed out, ready to run after him, but was swept up from the ground and over Iron Bull’s shoulder. Her legs kicked wildly and her hands pounded into his back as she screamed in protest, trying desperately to get free. Carver met the beast, slashing at it with his sword. It distracted the beast long enough for the rest of the party to slip underneath it’s body and towards the rift. Tears were pouring down Marian’s face as she struggled against Bull’s grasp, but Carver only moved farther and farther away from her. She was still screaming, her hands reaching for him, when Bull ran through the rift.

Then Carver was gone, the Fade was gone; they were back at Adamant. Everyone had made it through the rift, everyone except Carver. Marian’s eyes stared at it, praying he might slip through after the rest of them. But Ayla’s hand rose up, her mark glowing with power, and the second she clenched her fist the rift closed, locking away forever.

Cheers from the Inquisition soldiers were starting to fill the air, but Marian didn’t hear any of them. They were drowned out by her screams as she kicked against the body holding her up. When her feet finally found the ground, she fell to her knees. Sobs tore through her body and screams left her lips as she crumbled to her knees. Carver was gone, she had left him in the fade. Her baby brother, the person she swore to protect was dead now and it was her fault. Her heart felt like someone had literally ripped it from her chest as her body shook with sobs on the ground.

Hands found her back and she heard Varric scream out, “Someone fucking find Cullen!”

It felt like she laid there forever, sobbing and screaming. Varric’s hands stayed on her back, trying to calm her down and Isabela found her other side, doing the same. Nothing helped, no amount of comfort would heal this wound; it didn’t matter what they did, they could never bring Carver back.

“Move! Where is she?” Cullen’s voice was screaming out and Marian could hear heavy footsteps running towards her.

Her body was scooped up from the ground and into warm arms the second he reached her. The sobs continued to shake her body as Cullen moved them away from everyone. His arms tightened around her and his legs moved faster, trying to find somewhere to go.

Cullen walked for minutes, holding Marian’s body tight to his chest. Finally he came to a stop and took a seat, still holding her in his arms. Tights arms cradled her body against his, rocking her softly as she cried. His lips pressed to her hair, kissing the top of her head softly as he tried to sooth her.

They stayed that way for a while, him holding her while she cried and trying his best to calm her down. Finally, the sobs stopped shaking Marian’s body and soft whimpers left her lips as she settled into his chest.

“Do you want to tell me what happened?” His words were soft whispers into her hair.

“Carver,” Her voice was barely a whisper. “He’s...he’s gone.”

“Oh, Marian,” His arms pulled her tighter against his body. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s my fault, I let him die,” Her voice was breaking as tears filled her eyes again.

“No, Marian. I’m sure that’s not what happened,” His hands pulled her face up to look at him.

“It is. We were all going to die and Carver ran off to distract the beast and he wouldn’t let me go after him,” Tears started falling down her cheeks as she spoke.

“He was protecting you,” Cullen’s thumbs brushed the tears away from her cheeks. “He was trying to save you because he loved you.”

“But I promise my mother I’d protect him, I promised I’d never let anything happen to him.”

“He probably made the same promise, Marian. You didn’t kill him, he died saving you.”

Her face shook his hands away and pressed into the crook of his neck. “I can’t believe he’s gone. My entire family is dead.”  
His fingers stroked her hair softly, “No, Marian. You’re family isn’t dead. You still have Nikolas, you still have me.” Marian moved to look at him again and a small smile on her lips, despite for the tears still falling from her eyes. Cullen’s brow furrowed in confusion as he looked towards her. “As much as I love when you smile, I’m confused as to why you’re smiling now.”

Her hands moved to cup his cheeks as she stared into his eyes. “I’m smiling because I love you.”

“Wait, what? Are you seri-”

“Shut up, Cullen,” Marian interrupted, “I love you.”

“I love you, Marian,” Cullen’s lips found hers quickly and her body relaxed against his. His mouth was gentle against hers and she let her fingers tangle into the back of his hair. When his lips broke away from hers he let his forehead press against hers while his thumbs stroked her cheeks. “Maker, I love you. I’ve wanted to tell you for so long, I just never knew how you felt.”

“I’ve always loved you, Cullen.”

“Even after all this time?”

“Always,” Her lips pressed back to his again and she could feel him smiling. Finally, she had said it, and he even said it back. Even after losing Carver, after everything that had happened today, she was grateful to be in Cullen’s arms. She still had him and he loved her, and they had their beautiful child. The family she was raised with was gone, but now she was starting a new one and she knew her mother and father would be proud.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I killed Carver...  
> but they finally said it!  
> Hope everyone is enjoying!  
> Let me know what you think. (:


	20. Love Me Like You Do

The camp was loud with life. All of the soldiers were drinking to the Inquisitor’s victory today over Livius and his possessed Grey Wardens. Plenty of people were angry with Ayla’s decision to conscript the Wardens to help the Inquisition, but they were all enjoying getting drunk instead of arguing with her. It was certainly a time to celebrate, after all. The Inquisition and the Grey Wardens both lost good soldiers today, but those that lived struck a mighty blow against Corypheus and would be able to say they help the Inquisitor save all of Thedas.

Marian had been sitting alone in her tent, still mourning the loss of Carver. Cullen had been called to speak privately with Josephine, Leliana and Ayla, and Marian was left alone in their tent. No more tears fell from her eyes and sobs no longer shook her body, she was too weak for that now. Instead, her legs were pulled up tight against her chest and her eyes simply stared into the distance.

She still couldn’t believe it, that he was actually gone. Carver and Marian never got along, they always bickered and fought, but they still loved each other, just in their own stubborn way. Now he was gone, her baby brother was gone, just like the rest of the Hawke family. She was the only one left; the last Hawke.

When the flap of the tent opened Marian was snapped away from her thoughts, but didn’t turn to look at whoever came in.

“Hey, Hawke,” Varric’s voice was soft as he moved to sit next to her. A bottle was in his hand and he offered it to her.

Her hands took the bottle and she nodded in thanks, taking a quick drink. They stayed quiet for a few moments, passing the bottle of alcohol back and forth. Varric knew better than to try to talk to her right now; it was best to just wait until she wanted to talk, or risk getting hit by her magic if you pressed her. He had learned that the hard way after bothering her after her mother died. Now, he knew better and just sat with her in silence, keeping her company as they drank.

“I’m officially the last Hawke,” When Marian finally did speak her voice was shaking. “I failed all of them…”

“Hawke, don’t start this,” Varric looked towards her. “You didn’t fucking fail anyone.”

“But I did, I promised to keep them safe and they’re all dead,” She could feel tears stinging at her eyes again.

Varric sighed and shook his head. “You didn’t kill them, Hawke. You couldn’t have saved your sister from that ogre, you couldn’t have stopped that fucking blood mage going after your mother, and you couldn’t have stopped Carver when he wanted to sacrifice himself.”

“I could have tried!” She yelled in reply. “I could have fucking tried to help them!’

“And gotten yourself killed in the process? Because that’s just fucking genius, Hawke.”

“So what? I’d be dead, but they would be alive!”

“Are you serious? Do you think so little of yourself that you don’t think it would matter if you died?”

“It wouldn’t matter, Varric. They would be alive, that’s what fucking matters! I didn’t protect my family and now they’re dead because of me.”

Varric’s eyes started to look glossy, like they were filling with tears. “Don’t ever fucking say that, Hawke,” His voice was harsh towards her. “What would have happened to Kirkwall and all those mages without you? What about Merrill, or Bela, where would they be without you? What about me?” His voice broke at the last part. “You’re my best friend, Hawke. I don’t know where I’d be if you never came to Kirkwall. And if nothing else, think about Nikolas. He wouldn’t even exist if it wasn’t for you.”

Hawke’s eyes stared towards the ground, feeling like an idiot. Even if she had failed her family, things would have ended up drastically different without Marian Hawke around. She never realized it, how many lives she had touched and changed. She’d even managed to create a life when she had Nikolas.

“Varric, I’m sorry,” Her eyes moved to look at her best friend. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking clearly, I shouldn’t have said that.”

Varric blinked the glossy sheen away from his eyes and took a large swig from the bottle they were sharing. His shoulders shrugged and he offered the bottle back to her. “You think you’ll come out and sit around the fire with everyone tonight?”

“I’m not sure, if I feel up to it.”

“You just want to spend time with Curly,” His voice was teasing as he looked to her.

Marian couldn’t hide the stupid grin that started spreading across her face and she could feel her cheeks going hot. Even with as sad as she was, just the mention of Cullen made her blush like a virgin.

“Oh god, are you blushing?”

“Shut up!” She punched him gently in the arm. “I am not blushing, I don’t blush.”

“You’re blushing, Hawke. Why are you of all people blushing?”

“Do you really want to talk about my relationship, Varric?” Her brow cocked towards him.

“If it keeps you from being sad, we can talk about Curly for the rest of the night.”

“You’re just going to use this for another book about me, aren’t you?”

A throaty chuckle left his mouth. “Guilty, but if you don’t tell me now I’ll just get you drunk later.”

Hawke’s eyes rolled and she laughed softly. “I told him I loved him.”

“Did he say it back?”

She nodded her head excitedly, “He did! He said he loves me, Varric. Can you believe it? He _loves_ me.”

Varric smiled towards his best friend. “I’m happy for you, Hawke. When’s the wedding?”

“Do you have to go and ruin everything? We’re not getting married, Varric.” Her eyes glared lightly towards him.

“Whatever you say, Hawke.” His voice teased her. “Come outside for a bit, have a couple drinks with the team before you run off with him for the rest of the night. I’m sure you two have some _celebrating_ to do.”

Hawke’s eyes went wide and her cheeks went scarlet again. “I fucking hate you, Varric.”

“No you don’t,” He grinned as he pushed himself up from the ground, staring towards the tents opening. And Marian followed behind him, grinning just the same.

Everyone was gathered around the large fire in the center of camp. Isabela was snuggled under Bull’s large arm and he whispered into her ear, making her break into giggles. His Chargers were all sitting near him, talking amongst themselves. Blackwall, Sera, Varric and Marian were all drinking together as they exchanged stories. They were all starting to feel the effects of the alcohol they were drinking at this point and were falling into fits of laughter as they spoke.

“I stole all their fucking breeches!” Sera broke into drunken giggles as she told her story.

‘Wait, why would you steal their pants?’ Blackwall slurred towards the elf at his side.

“Have you ever seen a man fight without his breeches? It’s a fucking sight!” Sera and Blackwall roared with laughter.

“I’ll make sure to remember that next time I’m sneaking into someone’s house,” Varric chimed in with a chuckle.

Marian was laughing along with the three of them when she felt a warm hands at her shoulders. Her eyes moved up to find Cullen gazing down at her. A warm smile was on his face when their eyes met. She could feel a bright smile spread across her lips as she looked up at him; he was so beautiful and she couldn’t understand how someone like him could ever come to love her.

Cullen’s face leaned down to press a quick kiss to her lips. “Are you having fun?”

“I am, thank you. I’m sorry I didn’t leave a note saying where I went.”

“It’s alright. When I saw you weren’t in the tent I assumed Varric had kidnapped you,” He teased as he moved to sit besides her.

“You stole Hawke from me, Curly. I get to steal her sometimes,” Varric joked, grinning towards the man.

“Whatever you want, dwarf.” Cullen laughed in reply. His arm tangled around Marian’s waist, pulling her body against his and stole the bottle from her hands. “You’re drinking Antivan Brandy? What is wrong with you people?” His nose wrinkled in disgust as he eyed the bottle.

“Josephine ordered cases of it, now we’re stuck drinking it.” Blackwall answered.

“Oi, it’s not so bad. Jus drink enough of it and you won’t taste it anymore!” Sera slurred before breaking into another fit of laughter.

“Can I ask you two something?” Blackwall slurred towards Cullen and Marian. “Is that little boy you’re always carrying around your son?”

Cullen answered before Marian had the chance. “He is. Why do you ask?”

“No one knew you had a kid, it was quite the gossip when the little guy showed up,” Blackwall shrugged his shoulders.

“What he means is, no one knew you had it in you to have a kid!” Sera teased, falling to the ground as she broke into laughter once again.

“Sera!” Marian hissed, glaring towards the elf that was roaring with giggles.

“I’m quite capable, obviously,” Cullen shook his head and laughed softly, brushing off her tease.

“Are you two married?” Blackwall questioned again, and Marian’s glare turned towards him. Why was everyone so fucking curious about marriage all of the sudden?

“No, we’re not. We’ve never talked about marriage,” Cullen started, giving Marian’s side a gentle squeeze. “Though, I’m sure neither of us are opposed to the idea of it.”

Marian could feel her heart stop in her chest. Was he being serious? They had just told each other they loved each other, they had literally just gotten back together after four years of being apart. Their son didn’t even know Cullen was his father yet and he was saying something about marriage? Oh, maker. Could her life never be simple?

“Are you ready for bed?” Cullen’s voice snapped her away from her thoughts.

“Oh, yeah. Bed sounds nice,” She forced a small smile as she looked towards him.

His head nodded and he rose to his feet, taking her hand into his. She let her fingers lace in between his as she stood next to him.

“If you’ll excuse us, we’re going to head off to bed,” Cullen spoke to the group they were sitting with.

“Got to go work on baby number two!” Varric joked, causing Blackwall to roar with laughter.

“Ew! I didn’t want to fucking think about that!” Sera whined in disgust.

Marian’s eyes rolled and Cullen chuckled softly as he started off towards their tent. His hand held hers tightly and when she looked up he was grinning.

“Why are you grinning?” She questioned, slipping inside their tent.

“Oh, I just like telling people you’re mine and Nikolas is our beautiful son,” He slipped in after her, tying the tent shut.

“You enjoy bragging?” Her brow cocked as she sat on her bedroll.

“I don’t _really_ brag, Marian.” When he turned to face her he was still grinning like a child.

Her eyes rolled as she worked at the laces on her leggings, sliding the leather down her legs and kicking them away. Her hands focused on her top next, pulling it over her head and letting it fall to the ground with her pants. Honey colored eyes watched as she moved, gazing at her.

“Why are you staring at me?” Blue eyes moved to meet gold.

“I can’t help myself. You’re beautiful,” Cullen moved so he was next to her. His hand stroked the side of her face softly as he continued to gaze at her. “I’m just lucky is all. Lucky the Maker sent you to me all those years ago, lucky she sent you back to me.”

“Cullen, stop,” Marian could feel her cheeks going red as she looked away from him.

“No,” His hand forced her face to look back at him. “I’m the luckiest man in the world, I swear I am. You’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen in my entire life, and then you have a heart of gold, Marian. You’re so gentle, you’d do anything to help those in danger. But at the same time you are so tough, so strong. You’ve been through so much that would break anyone else, but you stay strong. You’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met,” His thumb worked small circles into her cheeks as his eyes stayed locked onto hers. “And then you gave me Nikolas, and he is just as perfect as you are. For the first time in my life I’m truly happy, I have something to look forward to everyday. And that’s you, you and our son.”

Marian could feel tears stinging in her eyes, but for the first time today they weren’t tears of sadness. She was overjoyed, completely over whelmed with his love and couldn’t contain herself. She didn’t try to fight and let them gently trickle down her cheeks.

“Why are you crying?” Cullen’s thumb brushed tears away as his face wrinkled in confusion.

“Because I’m happy,” She choked out softly. “I’m so happy, I can’t even. This doesn’t feel real; you, this moment, none of it even feels real. Earlier today I lost my brother and I was falling apart and now you’re professing your love to me and I don’t even know how to feel. I should still be sad, but I’m just so fucking happy and I can’t even hold it in. Maker, Cullen, you mean so much to me. I don’t even know how to put it into words. I thought the rest of my family died today, but it didn’t. I have you, I have Nikolas. You’re my family and I’m so happy and thankful I have you two.”

“Maker, I love you.” Cullen didn’t give her a chance to reply before his lips crashed against hers.

This kiss wasn’t rough, it wasn’t desperate, it was filled with passion and Marian could feel her heart flying in her chest. She let her arms move to wrap around his neck and his body pressed her down against the bedroll beneath them. His tongue slipped past her lips and she let out a soft groan into his mouth. Rough hands moved to her breastband, ready to pull it free when she broke away from his lips.

“Cullen, we can’t. Not in camp. People will hear us,” Blue eyes moved up to look at him and she could see the lust now filling his eyes.

“Marian, I don’t care if all of Thedas hears your crying out my name,” Honey eyes moved to lock onto hers. “I love you and I’m going to show you how much I love you.” His lips moved to press against her jaw, trailing kisses along her skin.

Soft whimpers left her lips as she squirmed underneath him. “Cullen,” She whined in protest again.

“Marian, stop it,” His mouth moved to her ear, whispering softly. She could feel a chill go down her spine from his hot breath against her skin. “Just relax, let me make love to you,” His fingers moved back to her breast band, tugging at the fabric.

This time she didn’t fight, she let his hands pull the garment away from her body, tossing it away from them. His lips continued to trail down her neck as his hands moved to her breasts, cupping them gently in his rough hands. A groan escaped her mouth as he massaged them gently, his thumbs flicking over her nipples. His lips continued to trail kisses down her body, stopping at her chest. His hand slipped away, letting his mouth latch on to the sensitive nub causing her to whimper softly. His tongue flicked teasingly against the nipple while his hand trailed down her stomach to the top of her smalls, slipping past the fabric quickly. The second his finger pressed against her entrance she had to fight back a soft cry. She could feel him smiling against her breast as his finger pressed inside her body. Her teeth clamped onto her lower lip, trying desperately to hold back moans that were pressing at her throat.

Cullen was relentless, slipping another finger inside her body, pushing deep into her core. Marian couldn’t hold back her moans any longer and cried out, her hips arching to meet his hands slow thrusts. A chuckle left his lips as he moved away from her chest so he could kiss her again. His mouth claimed hers, muffling the loud moans leaving her lips as his fingers moved inside her body. Even with his mouth against hers, they couldn’t muffle the sound of her crying out as she came around his fingers.

Marian wasn’t finished; she just came, but she wanted all of him and now she didn’t care if the entire camp heard her. Her hands started worked at his clothes, shoving his jacket off his shoulders. He assisted, pulling his shirt over his head while her hands worked at the laces of his leathers. They slid down his legs, along with his smalls, and were kicked away from them. Cullen’s hands pushed her back down into the bedroll and then found her smalls ripping them away from her body, ready to ravish her at this point.

His lips found hers again quickly, and this time she could feel the hunger in his kiss. Her fingers tangled into his hair as she hooked a leg around his waist, pulling his body down to hers. It only took seconds for him to thrust inside her and she cried out against his lips. Cullen rocked deep into her body, pulling moans from her mouth with every movement. His hands grasped her hips tightly, holding her in place as he thrusted into her body.

Marian’s entire body was singing in pleasure. Nails started raking across his shoulders as her legs wrapped around his hips, pulling him deeper inside her. She wanted to feel every single piece of his body as she came undone underneath his touch. Cullen’s arms moved to tangle around her, holding her close as he thrusted deep into her body. Soft moans were staring to escape from him into the kiss as his hips started to quicken.

His fingers dug into her body, grasping onto her as he started to rock hard and fast into her body. She was crying out against his lips now, feeling her orgasm start to build up in her body. His length crashed into her, every thrust pulling her closer and closer to ecstasy.

“Cullen!” Her lips broke away from his as she cried out his name, her entire body going tight around his.

“Marian!” Cullen cried out in response, his fingers digging into her skin as he thrusted into her for one last time.

A thin layer of sweat was covering his entire and his eyes were shut as he tried to catch his breath. Marian’s heavy eyes moved to looked up at him and she smiled. Even now, covered in sweat and breathless she found him breathtaking. Her hand reached up to stroke his face and he sighed softly at her touch. Honey colored eyes slowly blinked open to look at her and he smiled faintly.

“I love you,” Her words were soft as she gazed up at him.

“I love you, Marian,” He pressed a quick kiss to her hand before moving to lay besides her.

When his arms wrapped around her body, she let him pull her flush against his chest. Her back was pressed against him and his face was buried into her messy dark hair. Fingers trailed along her side, tracing the curve of her body slowly. Marian sighed softly and let herself relax against him, her eyes fluttering shut as he held her close.

“I’d like to tell Nikolas the truth when we get home,” Cullen’s words were soft whispers into her hair.

“I think that’s a wonderful idea,” A bright smile started spreading across her face. “Any ideas how?”

“I figured we’d just sit him down and tell him,” His fingers continued to run along her side. “He already knows we’re seeing each other. Nikolas is very bright. He doesn’t fully understand what is going on between us, but he understands that we’re more than friends because you don’t kiss your friends, those are his words actually.”

Marian laugh lightly. “He’s always been smart. We can do it whenever you want.”

“Thank you,” His lips pressed a soft kiss to her scalp. “One more thing.”

“Hmmm?” She mumbled softly, pressing herself closer against him.

“I would like you to stay,” The arm he had wrapped around her waist tightened.

“What do you mean?”

“You’re free to leave when we get back to Skyhold, Ayla said so, but I want you to stay. Stay at Skyhold. You and Nikolas. Stay with me. I don’t want to be without you or him ever again. I can’t imagine my life if you two left now, I…” She could feel him sigh against her hair. “I need you to stay with me, Marian, please.”

“Of course,” It only took her seconds to reply. Her body flipped so she was facing him and her eyes moved to lock onto his. “I’m never leaving you again,” Her hand reached up to stroke his face.

“Maker, I love you.” He pressed a chaste kiss to her lips, before letting a grin take over his face. “You know how Blackwall mentioned marriage tonight?”

Her brows furrowed towards him. “If this is your idea of a proposal, you’re an idiot.”

Cullen chuckled lightly. “No, actually. I am capable of being a gentleman. I was just going to say one day, I will make you my wife and after all this is over the three of us can go back to Kirkwall, together. We’ll have a normal life and be family.”

“Cullen, I don’t think life with me or you will ever really be normal,” She teased giggling.

“You’re probably right,” He grinned towards her. “But that’s not the point I’m making, Marian. I was just saying, one day I will marry you. We’ll be a proper family.”

Even if the thought of marriage so soon was overwhelming, it did sound lovely and she couldn’t fight back a smile spreading across her face. Spending the rest of her life with Cullen, raising their son together, was always something she dreamed of and now it could actually happen. Most importantly, he actually wanted it to happen. He loved her, he truly did; she could tell in how he looked at her, how he kissed her, and she just loved him just as much. They were going to be a family now, they were going to spend their lives together.

“I couldn’t dream of a better future than that,” Marian’s lips moved up to press a kiss to his lips and she could feel him smiling. His hands cupped her face and he kissed her tenderly for a moment before breaking away.

“I love you, Marian.”

“I love you, Cullen.”

“Are you ready to sleep?” His hand dropped away from her face and he let his body settle into the bedroll.

“Definitely,” She moved so she could rest her head on his chest and his arm tangled around her waist, holding her close to his body.

“Goodnight, love,” His lips pressed one last quick kiss to her hair.

“Goodnight, Cullen,” She settled into his chest, letting her eyes flutter shut.

It didn’t take long for both of them to fall asleep and Marian found herself having the most wonderful dream. It was her and Cullen, they were both older, but he was still beautiful and breathtaking even in her dreams. They were sitting in a field of flowers, holding hands as they watched Nikolas play in the grass. He was older too, probably ten now, and he still looked just like his father. Nikolas wasn’t playing alone, he was chasing a little girl and giggling with laughter. The little girl squealed happily as she ran away from him. She had long black hair tied up with a red ribbon, and when she turned to look toward Marian, she could see bright blue eyes staring at her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Literally an entire chapter of talking, fluff and smut. <3 I love fluff so much.  
> Hope you guys are enjoying!  
> Let me know what you think. :)


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